I don’t pretend to be the right solution 
to all people who need mental health care and I refuse to make choices about my business based on fear. It’s not that I am never tempted . . . . Once in a while, I still am. But the truth is that fear is never a good reason to . . . slide your fees, work under contracts that you consider to be anything less than ideal for both you and your client, or do anything else related to your clinical work or your business.
And, if you or others find yourself tempted to go there, I would suggest that you do what I have learned to do . . . . Start by calling it what it is – FEAR – and not make excuses or start to blame it on other things like the economy or the current state of health care or whatever other “reasons” we are often tempted to use. The same divisive language that stalls our political processes is also the same divisive language that keeps you ambivalent and stalled out in your practice.
Instead, find the power that comes in naming and claiming it as your own. And, then, do whatever it is you need to do to start chipping away at your fear. I tend to work on fear like a jigsaw puzzle, framing the edges and then working toward the center. Perhaps you work on yours in a different way.
I have the most amazing consultation group and individual colleagues, too, to consult with and lovingly hold a mirror up so that I can really see how I’m getting in my own way. And, I read and I write and I take time to simply reflect on the big questions and the sticking points and mostly on my fear . . . until I am able to dismantle it and take the next right step forward in my practice.
So today I’m wondering . . . how is it that fear shows up in your business and keeps you stuck and unfocused, unclear and unproductive?
Can you name it?
Can you claim it as your own?
And, what is it you are recognizing right now that is happening (or not happening) in your practice simply because you are afraid? Care to share? I will if you will.
I have specific things that are keeping me from starting my practice right now (fortunately, they are very specific things that I’m aware of, but unfortunately, I just have to wait longer than I want to because they’re not directly my control). At the same time, my biggest concern for when I do start seeing clients is that I won’t have enough of them. The part that bothers me is that I’m not really sure why this still concerns me because the private practice will not be my main source of interaction with clients because I’m already aware that it is difficult to advertise for a distance counseling practice.
It will be interesting to see everyone else’s response. I really enjoy being part of this community.
Hey, Lauren, I’m not sure I’m understanding you . . . . I think what you said is that you are concerned that when you open your private practice, you “won’t have enough.” My question to you would be . . . Enough for what? Apparently it’s not about supporting yourself financially so what’s enough and how will you know?
Ah, sorry for being less than clear… I guess that’s what happens when I quickly reply in between clients.
I guess “enough” would be two things: enough to cover the overhead (which is one or two clients per month) and, more importantly, I think I would want to have at least 8 to 10 clients for the whole thing to be considered something that returns on the investment of time that I’ve already spent. Does that make more sense?
Absolutely, Lauren! And, since you haven’t hung your shingle out quite yet, I would encourage you to consider how those fears you have right now are effecting you actually getting those doors open.:)
How timely Tamara. Just this week I have had anxiety about my fees and have considered whether I have taken on a client who is not a good fit.
If you’ll notice, I labeled this “anxiety.” But, if I truthfully name it for what it is – fear- then I will more likely combat it. If I am anxious, then, poor me. If I am fearful, then I will rise up and kick that thing to the curb!
After all, who wants to admit they’re fearful?
Haha! Tawnya, isn’t that the TRUTH?! We spend all sorts of time working with our clients around fears – throwing out words like “scared” and “afraid” without even catching our breath. We just expect them to tell the truth and ‘fess up! What’s good for the goose . . . .:)
Fear definitely rears its head in my business sometimes! I try to notice it and name it as quickly as I can, instead of letting it slide around under the surface and covertly influence me. It’s tough! I sometimes try to recognize what it is needing/wanting (kind of like finding a way to name and get to know our inner critic) — maybe it’s wanting to help motivate me, but isn’t doing so in an effective way. Maybe it’s trying to point out something that isn’t working so well and encourage me to re-evaluate it. Maybe it’s trying to help me sit with and cope with uncomfortable feelings so that I can move through them and get to places that fit my needs and values more effectively. I’m still working on this, but know for sure that I don’t want to let fear dictate or have any drive in my business!
I wanted to share a coaching question that I came across from Marc David, who runs the Institute for the Psychology of Eating in Boulder (a really cool place!):
“For healers, coaches, counselors and helping professionals: Your practice is not about getting clients or making money. These are simply of the results of your practice. So, what does your practice really stand for?”
This helps me re-frame my approach to my business and come at it not from a fear perspective but from a value-based place, which feels so much better for myself and also for my clients!!
Kate, thank you for sharing part of your thought process – and I’m sure the process that you help your clients’ go through, too, when facing fears.
I love this question, too. I have been working on a class that I’ll be sharing with you guys later on and was focused on just that this morning – the values and beliefs . . . the declarations that we make (to ourselves and others) about what we and our work actually stands for. What I know is that therapists who struggle to talk about their work have often not spent enough time on this one question. Thanks for putting it in language that all of us can understand and grapple with!
Wow! What a great post! I am going to have to print this one out to read again in the future. Sometimes when the fear comes, I take the egocentric approach and think, “Gee, I must be doing something wrong. Everyone else seems to have all of the clients in the world and no issues.” But I know that’s not true. The fear somehow convinces me that the truth isn’t real. Like you, I’ve found that writing and reading and talking about it, doing some self-work essentially, is a BIG help! Knowing that I’m not alone in my fears and developing a plan for conquering them and solving the issue at hand gives me relief!
Hi, Tammy! Welcome back! And, thank you for taking time to join the conversation. I’ve been out of state and am a bit slow in getting caught up in connecting with you guys! “The fear convinces me that the truth isn’t real.” YES! It’s a sneaky little but disempowering thing that happens, isn’t it?!
When I get scared and don’t realize that I’m scared, I get little, shrink, and go away. I hate that! Eventually I usually figure it out . . . name it . . . out loud . . . to someone else if it’s really scary (ugh – I hate that part) – like the whole blankety-blank tech and imperfection stuff – and eventually get a handle on it. It seems so much smaller once I contain it . . . with words.
I’ve noticed a correlation between fear and burnout/lack of self-care! By the time I notice it, it’s past time for me to slow down, take time for myself, and regroup. Even when I build in time for self-care into my routine, I’ve discovered that the fear and drain still creep in!
Hey, Tammy – Can you say more about noticing that correlation?
I really try to have a routine that works for my life. A big part of that is self-care. I preach that to my clients as a great way to help combat stress and anxiety. As we all know, there are some weeks in practice when we have more clients than usual, so I try to fit them all in to meet their needs (knowing that a slow week usually follows pretty soon). During those weeks, my self-care often gets bumped down on the list. After a couple of really busy weeks, I adjust to that pace and then when things go back to normal speed, POOF! Fear sets in. I start to think that I’ve done something wrong, that I’ve lost clients, etc. I worry about money and the same things we all do. And then I take a moment to notice that I’m tired, I’m scared, I’m a little cranky even, and drained. And that’s when it hits me that I haven’t done my self-care. It’s so much easier for fear to creep in when I’m not taking care of myself (even if the reasons why are good ones).
It also works in the reverse: when I take advantage of the usual summer slump to plan ahead and to work on some special projects, it’s easy to get sucked in. Then, the fear creeps in, “Will they actually be interested in this when I unveil it?” Once I take a step back, I discover that once again, my typical self-care routine hasn’t been a priority.
Last fall I really struggled with fear. Though it was the culmination of several things, I realized that I am more susceptible to fear when I’m nearing burnout.
Thanks, Tammy, for expanding this conversation. When I talk to clients about their fears and I reflect upon my own, I find that the conversation often circles around to using fear as a mirror – reflecting back to me exactly what I need to be focused on. Yes, many of us may worry about money or neglect our self care but what is that really about?
That’s how I can use my fear (with gratitude) to re-focus me on what I’m supposed to be learning and doing differently. It’s not just that not having money worries me or that I need to get back to exercising. It’s what those things or the absence of those things really means to me.
Not having money may reflect a fear of not having food on the table or shelter for my family . . . or it could mean not being successful or being a failure (whatever those mean) . . . or it could mean having to depend on someone else or ask for help . . . or a thousand other things. Worrying “about money” really means very little. It’s just a clue.
The same is true about neglecting self care. It may reflect a lack of knowledge or understanding about how the body works . . . or it may mean I don’t care and even want to die . . . or it could mean that I believe that I shouldn’t have to put energy into self care . . . or it may be reflecting a lack of self worth, etc.
When I’m ready to see in the mirror what my fear is trying to show me, it can be a gift.
Does anyone else out there resonate with this or is this my own twisted little mind games?
I really like that thought about fear! When I have recognized fear (or resistance) in the past as a mirror, when I’ve been able to identify what it’s really about, it’s been freeing actually. Once I understand it, it’s almost like I’ve unlocked the fear and it goes away fairly easily!
Yes! That’s true for me, too! Often is just dissipates or . . . morphs into something quite lovely as if I had failed in the beginning to see it for what it really is!
Tammy, I like what you said about the connection between fear and burnout. When I’m fearful, it drains me. I also get busy, but not with those things that will help. No, it’s more like busywork.
When I’m fearful, I’m less likely to directly attack an issue. I’ll freeze on that issue & go off and do something else.
Thanks!
Dear Tamara,
Thank you again for another thought provoking and important post. Your honesty and willingness to share your experiences and lessons learned is truly inspirational. I also try not to make decisions about my practice based in fear but sometimes find it very difficult not to do so . . . Recently, things slowed down somewhat in my practice and I find that is when I become the most vulnerable to fear and making fear-based decisions. Those are the times that I start to question everything – my fees, hours, social media presence, networking strategies, etc. Your suggestion of “naming” and “claiming” the fear is great because I have found that to be true in my own practice – as soon as I stop struggling with the fear and trying to control it or change it somehow and acknowledge and make space for it instead – things open up and my practice can breathe and grow again. My biggest fear has always been fear of failure and I find that, at times, it holds me back from implementing ideas that I have for my practice.
Catherine, I love having your voice here. Thank you for naming your fears. It helps you breathe and grow again but naming it here also helps the rest of us to recognize and name our own . . . . Just watch and see. You are normalizing it for everyone else.
Rather than focusing on your fear of failure that stifles and drains your creativity and your energy, too, I want to suggest that you focus on how you define your success and those things that give you energy. (That is where your success lies, by the way:) When you do those things, you will gain clarity and build momentum toward your next great idea that you have for your practice.
I tend to fear most when my client load goes below a certain point, I start to fear how it will impact my personal finances. Then I get stuck, confused, and frustrated. It actually makes it more difficult to make decisions and be creative if I’m not aware of it, and when I am aware of it I am more able to work through it and move on. It is an ongoing growing and faith building process for me, is dealing with the times in private practice when client load goes down for whatever reason without being afraid and using that time to build other parts of my career.
Jill, when I think about yours and Catherine’s fears, I am reminded that I think you are both fairly new into private practice. As experienced and skilled as you both obviously are, it’s helpful to remember and remind yourselves that you guys are new to this because it matters. You are not “failing” . . . . Instead, you are experiencing private practice. This is a field in which business (and money) ebb and flow. This is about learning the rhythm of private practice – the ins and the outs – the swells and contractions. If you like to work with imagery and metaphors think “ocean” or “breath” . . . .
It took me 5 years the first time I went into private practice before I learned to trust that a slow week did not mean the demise of my practice and the erosion of my bank account. Just as you learn to know that waves show up on the seashore and then recede . . . and then they come again . . . . That knowledge can ground you in private practice like no other. Expect the waves to come again. They always do . . . at their pace . . . all in good time . . . the right clients . . . do appear . . . when you are ready.
Love this Tamara! Thanks for the reminder- it’s easy to go into freak out mode when you have slow weeks. Knowing you are not alone is a wonderful thing.
Amy,I’m delighted to remind you of what you already know!
Last night I started re-reading Pema Chodron’s book Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living. She starts off on the very first page saying “We are one blink of an eye away from being fully awake. . . . . There’s a richness to all of the smelly stuff that we so dislike and so little desire . . . . If you’re feeling angry, poverty-stricken, or depressed, . . . use all the unwanted things in your life as the means for awakening compassion for yourself and others. Then she goes on to talk about how when we try to avoid, deny, escape the gifts that come in ugly packages, we not only miss the moment we’re in . . . but we also miss the gifts!
This blog came at just the right time for me. Thank you Tamara!
Hi, Lisa! Welcome back! I’m delighted to know that this is resonating with you! Care to share?
This is such a timely piece of writing Tamara. I think you address something important here that all therapists in solo practice encounter at one time or another. It’s the nature of any business that there will be ebbs and flows of clients and income over time. Even the most amazing clinicians experience this. What I see a lot of therapists do is start to question their skills and training- like it’s personal that your client load has suddenly dropped.
I know I’ve done this in the past, but I now look at this as a gift in dirty paper. I recently had one of the quietest months in my private practice in years, but with all the extra time, I’ve been able to start my eBook that has been on the back burner for years, but never come to fruition. Now I’ve almost completed it.
So I think we need to look at the opportunities that are around us, as well as acknowledge the fear that is inherent in our challenging profession.
Thank you for all you do to support therapists across the globe!
Welcome back, Clinton!
And, what a great example of that “gift in dirty paper!”- you have an ebook that’s soon to launch! You’re such a TEASE! Get back here and let me and my readers in on the scoop! . . . What’s it about?
Tamara,
Thanks for the great post! I love that you blog about specific issues relating to private practice because the challenges are difficult given that mental health is challenging enough but then you add the pressure of a business on top of it! Acknowledging FEAR is one of my skills I use to handle these feelings. If I admit it to myself or others, then it doesn’t seem to be as scary. The fact that it’s all up to you can be scary but I’ve learned to trust my instincts and remember that I’m worth the money and time for my clients. Suze Orman said something that I try to remember often “You are not on sale.” Thanks for the great content.
Hi, Amy! Thanks for dropping in and highlighting how helpful it is to trust our instincts and recognize our own value. It’s really difficult to thrive as an entrepreneur if you can’t do these two things. (And, truthfully, it’s really hard to safely survive in life if you can’t do these two things – Isn’t that what we tell our clients?)
And, I love that you quoted Suze Orman! Gotta love Suze!
What a brave question to ask, and I really want to commend everyone for being brave enough to answer honestly. You’ve inspired me to share my own fear – which is fear of rejection. I can handle well enough when clients no-show, or argue with me, when I know it comes from something else or a resistance to therapy in general. When I can’t pinpoint it, though…when I worry maybe it’s not them, but maybe it’s ME….Oh, gosh that’s hard to get past. Those are the fears that I take home with me, and have to work hard to combat. If I don’t fight them they will turn into a major self-hate fest. I’ve learned, with time, that it’s not really about my ability or personality not being “good enough” but more so not being a good match with them. I can’t expect to be everyone’s cup of tea. Yet I still want to hold myself to that standard. Anyone else found this to be true in their life?
I find that when I give into this, it blocks me from finding new clients (if I feel rejected, I feel not good enough for anyone else) and performing well as a therapist. No one can grow when they are holding themselves back from getting hurt!
Thanks for the question, Tamara!
Stephanie, I’ve started this comment three different times and keep losing it before I hit reply! It’s driving me CRAZY!
Thank you for taking this discussion to an entirely new level by tying your fear back to (my final question) how this impacts your business! What I know is that if I can’t name it and don’t claim it as my fear, I can never get a handle on it. “It” remains some fuzzy-edged, shape-shifting thing that morphs into 20 different things and occasionally disappears before reappearing in a totally new place at twice its original size! Know what I mean?
Can you say “2012?” That is exactly what eventually led to “The Courage to Name Your Fear and Do It Anyway.” So that’s really what I’m asking here, gang, . . . . What is your fear and then what’s the big deal? How is your fear getting in your way and keeping you from having the private practice that you desire? What’s the big deal?
I think we are having a serious communication “problem” between that and the issue with our losing emails to each other. But we shall persevere.
I almost didn’t go back to that final question, because part of me wants to ignore how that impacts my business. But as counseling professionals, I feel like we have to constantly hold ourselves accountable. Your question helped me do that. And I completely agree. You can’t do anything with fuzzy! You can’t change “fuzzy”. But once you name it you can change it.
Fear of failure definitely keeps me from being the best counselor I can be many times. But it helps so much to know that is normal and to push through it! Thanks Tamara!
🙂 You’re most welcome, Stephanie!
FEAR!!! I even avoided reading this article, though I knew I wanted to. I recently began announcing that I’m expecting my second child, so fear is showing up for me EVERYWHERE. Specifically, trying to identify what my definition of a successful balance will look like once the baby comes and how I will maintain my momentum even while I take substantial time off. I’ve decided to hire a contract clinician to work in my stead and alongside me when I return from baby leave, so that I can focus on practice building at home without referring every single person that calls. SO much fear! But when I think about what I want, it’s to create a practice community and be able to pour my all into marketing and practice building and have the capacity to actually provide those services that I’m advertising. I fear walking away. I fear losing momentum. I fear making big mistakes and having horrible experiences. I fear regretting the work/life balance I have chosen. It’s so good to be here and read all of my fellow peers having similar fears. What I do know is I’ve made more progress toward my goals and have more clarity on my plan that I ever did in first entering private practice because of learning how to experience these fears and share them with others. When the therapist is ready the client will appear! Thank you Tamara for pushing us to grow, together.
Hey, where’s mah gravatar, man?! 🙂
OK, Kat, that’s totally weird and I have no idea! I can see that you are writing from the same IP address and you didn’t mess up your URL . . . . Oh, I SEE!! You entered a different email address! Interesting . . . . Kat it’s your gmail.com address that is showing your gravatar. I think you could go back and set it up on your other email address, too. (Thanks for the mini-lesson! I learn from you all the time!)
Ah, yes, I caught that after it all. Ha! Thanks!
YOU’RE PREGNANT?! CONGRATS TO YOU! So, I am extending the same invitation to you that I’ve been pestering all my other therapist-friends-who-are-therapists-popping-babies . . . . Every one of them keeps saying they will . . . but no one is coming forth with the posts . . . . Should you be interested, I have a lot of clients and a lot of therapists in this community who want to know how being pregnant / having a baby impacts growing and maintaining a practice. Sound familiar?
So, consider this your official invitation (to the rest of you guys, too) to check out my guest posting guidelines and pitch an angle for a post on this. There is a ton of interest. (And, I’m beginning to think that I ought to be facilitating a pregnant therapists’ group. . . . . Nawwwww . . . that doesn’t sound quite right. I’m childless by choice but deliriously happy for you and your family!) So, maybe you could run the Denver Pregnant Therapists’ Group in all your free time (wink, wink)?
Now, back to those fears . . . . Thank you for your honesty! And, how cool that you can see it, recognize it, and are claiming it! It makes so much sense to me that those would be the concerns that a mom-to-be-therapist might have. And, I love that you’ve already planned on asking for help by hiring a contract clinician. I sometimes do a similar thing with my clients when I know that I am going to be out of pocket for an extended period of time. I will bring in a “substitute” for “consultations” and “checkups” explaining to my client that I’ve arranged for this sub to meet with them during my absence for the purpose of (1) getting a second opinion for my clients to “play” with, (2) to see that there is more than one way to work in therapy, (3) to insure that my clients continue their momentum, and (4) to provide a safety net during my absence. They know that when I return, they will return to me as their primary therapist but with quite possibly new tools and fresh eyes with which to view their situations. I present it as a gift to my clients rather than a second-best situation. I’m sure, Kat, your clients will embrace your generosity, too, in providing additional support while you are taking care of you and your little one’s needs.
My favorite book on change in the whole world is William Bridges’ book called simply Transitions. I read it decades ago and still refer to it often. He talks about change having just three phases. He says that change always begins with an ending and so as you have moved into pregnancy you have many things to say “goodbye” to. The second phase, Bridges describes, as a murky, fuzzy, chaotic time often filled with confusion, not knowing, and ambivalence. That’s coming, Kat, and it’s good to see it coming so that as it arrives you can just breathe . . . just see it . . . and name it as best you can . . . claim it . . . and breathe. And, breath again . . . knowing that you will and are moving through it . . . making progress even in the midst of not knowing all that you want and need to know . . . and still you are moving through it. And, that last stage in change? It’s a beginning . . . ! And, the fog passes . . . and the fear passes . . . and clarity begins to set in.
Kat, I / we are holding space for you to walk through your endings, experience and see your muddy places, and sending you joy and celebration for your lovely new beginnings! (And, I would be happy to nudge you at any time!)
Awe Tamara, your open-hearted, generous response brought tears to my eyes, thank you. I will get that book RIGHT NOW as well. Even announcing the news is scary because it comes with questions from folks like “what the heck are you going to do, you just signed a three-year lease on a new office!” The feminist in me wants to snap back that I became my own boss so I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission to have a baby, and I welcome whatever obstacles that may come because they are by my own choice born of my independence and strength. But, it comes out more like, “Ohhh, you knowwww…..” I think this happens to all of us, others’ fears are always pressed upon us for us to answer to before we’ve arrived at our own process about them. SO true for the subset of private clinicians planning and raising families. ‘Ya better make more than a babysitter costs!’ So I’d be honored to share any possible shred of wisdom I glean through this process because I’m also leaning heavily on those who have more experience than I.
On the topic of hiring clinicians/getting help, thank you for your ideas! We’re forming a little informal group of people who are all interested in accountability and support in the process of hiring other clinicians, contracting with others while you are on extended leave, practice expansion, etc. People who have hired folks sharing with those that haven’t yet. A place to turn to when your confused or stuck! It will be local but we’ll probably have an online component in the form of a G+ group or something if anyone is interested. This will be great for people who are expanding or negotiating leave, etc. Maybe that will give me something to guest post about on the topic of maintaining a practice through pregnancy! 🙂 Anyone who is interested, just let me know!
In the meantime I’m going to breathe, and breathe, (and eat), read that book, come back here, and look forward to clarity. You nudge all of us and we all love you for it!
Oh, another feminist who isn’t afraid to use the “F-word!” No wonder I love you without even meeting you! (We’ve got to change that, you know!)
I never thought exactly about others’ fears being thrust upon us. However, I did learn from Pia Mellody back in the 1990’s that one’s behaviors are always a reflection of their own histories so it makes sense to me that as an extension of that premise, one’s questions and comments and accusations are also about one’s history and not the one they are directed to. I think sometimes I need tp stick my foot in my mouth by saying things out loud so that someone can reflect back to me my own cluelessness about my history. Since your hormones are gushing for the next few months, I think you’re the perfect one to offer that reflection! }:-)
I’m interested in your little informal group! Can I come play with you, too? Happy to learn from you and share what I know, too. And, even if I can’t play with you, the info you glean there would be welcome here.
Ha! Like minds!
I totally agree, when others’ stuff gets thrown up at you, it’s a trigger because of your own stuff. I stammer because I haven’t done the work on my stuff yet to be able to act with steadfast integrity in the face of my unprocessed reactions. And hormones don’t help one bit either! That’s why there is so much tremendous value in doing this sharing with each other, to be able to be vulnerable around our fears without pretense or protection. It was a big leap to say online that I’m expecting, so I deeply appreciate the warmth and support. I have been getting a lot of “Wow, that’s great, hope that works out” kinds of reactions, so it was a fear of mine to let the cat out of the bag!
You are more than welcomed to come play with us! I decided it would be easiest to create a G+ community for absolutely anyone who is interested to come hang out – see you there!!! https://plus.google.com/u/0/communities/113636734505783941986
Kat, I’m so glad you just posted this open invitation to anyone who’s interested. I was going to ask if I could pass this on to others. Since you’ve included the link, I’m going to do just that!
Wonderful!!! Thank you!
Kat, congrats!!! I’m so happy for you 🙂 And. . . like Tamara said, we’re here for you in every capacity so please reach out if you need any support. You have my number 🙂
Thanks Kate!!! You are so sweet! I do have your number in a very safe place 🙂
Tamara,
Ok. So this is me overcoming one of my biggest private practice fears: engaging in social media! Whether it be for the purpose of marketing or just connecting with other therapists as a means of networking, I will admit it…it terrifies me. I read several blogs (yours included!) but I NEVER have the courage to weigh in. I just now reactivated my Pinterest account (after reading your blog post) but find myself stuck and overwhelmed as to how to begin. The same with Twitter. I think that what always tends to hold me back is my fear of not “doing it right” (whatever “right” is). I go down that road of “what will people think?” and inevitably decide it’s best just to not even go there. So, I’m taking on your challenge and I’m going to do it anyway because, really…what is the big deal???
Thank you so much for your blog…I am incredibly blessed by it and the community that you’ve created!
Tammie, thank you so much – for following my blog and for finding your courage and choosing to speak up right here! I am delighted that you are part of our community. And, I am truly honored . . . that you trust me and those in this community . . . and that you trust yourself enough to know you can handle whatever comes next! That is a leap of faith, isn’t it?!
Now, take a breath . . . and then another . . . . I hope I don’t scare you off when I say . . . I’m taking your comment to the front page of this blog (within the next month!) because I want to address all of this. You are the voice of many who follow this blog and many of the therapists I am working with right now. (By the way, do you guys know the stats for commenting? It is reported that no more than 10% of your readers ever bother to comment on any given blog. And, I’ve got to get around to writing a post on why commenting is so important on a blog. Stay tuned . . . .! I’m saying that a lot lately, I know! So much to say and never enough hours in the day!)
Thank you for speaking up, Tammie! I try very hard not to talk about my clients without getting their permission first to do so. But your fears are their fears and I have much to say to you (and them). For now, know that I have some ideas about how to ease on in to social media with being so scared. (If you’ve been following this blog for a while, then you know Tammie, that this was true for me, too!) Never fear, I’ve got some great little tricks and treats to help you out! Stay tuned (again) . . . !
Thanks Tamara, and no worries about scaring me off! I plan to stick around and hopefully weigh in once in a while. I will look forward to that post!
You know, that 10% stat has me wondering what exactly those elements are that prompt people to move from observer to participant in an online community. Certainly for me, fear of taking a risk played a role (I’m fairly certain all my social genes are recessive…not a dominant one in the bunch!) but my hunch is there’s more to it than that for most of us (even us introverts appreciate and need some social interaction and will step out of comfort zones to do it!). After reading your blog for so long I noticed I went from feeling like an audience member to an eavesdropper and that made me uncomfortable. I mean, really…how weird would that be in the “real world?” There’s no way I would just hover all the time in a group setting especially if I’d been given an open invite to participate. Why do I think it’s any different in an online community? Just because we’re all behind computer screens and mobile devices and not face-to-face?
When I think about what really helped me take that leap into active participation in this community it truly has everything to do with the environment you’ve created here. You’ve done such a great job, Tamara, of creating an environment of genuineness, acceptance, caring…(all those Rogerian qualities that we strive so hard to create in our practices!). That’s what gave me the courage to step out. It felt safe to connect. I felt more uncomfortable not weighing in and staying on the proverbial sidelines than I did stepping out and giving my two cents (if that makes any sense!?).
Isn’t that true of so many of the social decisions we make on a day-to-day basis? We decide to engage or avoid based on the atmosphere of a group (club, association, church) or establishment. There are groups and businesses in my community that I avoid on purpose simply because I don’t like the environment (i.e. the way people are treated).
It makes sense that the same would be true for online communities/businesses. It may be a bit more challenging to achieve in an online setting but obviously not impossible…you have masterfully achieved that here. Thank you for teaching us what that looks like…
Tammie, I so appreciate you taking the time to share the pieces that you are teasing out of your own brain about what that reluctance to join in the conversations online is all about. It’s helpful to all of us to hear the thinking behind those who choose to not engage. I don’t drop into every conversation that I see online either. I consider my time and my passion and my intent and my public persona, too. Sometimes I join a conversation because I have something to contribute. Sometimes I join a conversation to provoke or support a particular commenter, blogger, or position. And, sometimes i don’t say a word – because I don’t have time or I don’t have courage or I just don’t have an interest. So I get that your silence has likely been fed from many springs, too.
I do want to point out though that while it is my intent to create a community of care and support for therapists and allied helping professionals, I actually didn’t create this community. You guys did and you guys continue to maintain and grow it, too! I have to confess . . . I love that you have taken your time to check out this community and silently been sending your support along the way. And, I also love that you’ve started to feel like a bit of a lurker and that you have . . . in your own time . . . decided to dip your big to in. What I know is that this amazing community is the envy of business bloggers, therapist bloggers, marketing bloggers, and more. I know because they say so in emails, at conferences, on the phone . . . . It’s a gift that each of you has given to each other. I just get to be the host who holds the space.
I don’t know if you are blogging (yet) but if not, you can imagine what it feels like to maintain a blog and wonder if anybody reads it and if your words are well-received, etc. Add to that, the likelihood that most of us in mental health and allied health professions actually care about the subjects we are writing about and the real or imaginary readers that we are blogging to . . . and, most of us aren’t whipping out new posts in a quick five minutes . . . and, many of us bring our own people-pleasing tendencies and work best with pats on the back . . . and, most of all, many of us are doing whatever it is we are doing with the idea that we are changing the world . . . . (There! Was that enough thinly veiled self disclosure and projection?) Suffice it to say that thoughtful comments are like gold for most bloggers – each one is treasured like little “atta-girls!”
And, what I’ve learned over the last six years of blogging, Tammie, is that holding this space online with the intention to create a true community really isn’t so different than what I do in real life. If you have the skill to create that community in a workshop or to create that caring community in a classroom or to create that community in a therapy group or in a neighborhood or on the block that you live . . . you can create that community online.
And, for those of you who haven’t been able to make that transition yet from face-to-face to online or don’t believe you even have those skills but want them, I want to offer you to consider the possibility . . . that you can learn them – because they are simple – and you can transfer them into new spaces – both online and off – to new faces and create new places for yourself and others to support and be supported.
Hi Tamara! I loved this post so much thank you! When I first read it I literally felt myself exhale and became curious about my reaction. After some thought I realized that what I was feeling was the “realness” and vulnerability of it. I think that is how fear shows up in my practice a lot. I am brand new, I opened my practice in Feb and have been very happy with it’s growth. I have amazing clients and am in awe of the work I get to witness. I know that I could be doing more to develop my practice- I don’t advertise really, I want to start taking credit cards, and even though I just FINALLY came up with an “official name” for my practice (right now I’m just my name) I haven’t put it out there yet. When looking at the reason why I haven’t done these things, fear is the number one cause. Fear that I’m not a good enough therapist, fear that I don’t know that much about business and the biggest one I have found is fear of vulnerability. That one showed up when I launched my website and is there again surrounding the name I came up with. I feel like my website is pretty authentic and true to who I am and my therapeutic believes, which is why putting it out there invited vulnerability into the play. The name I came up with for my practice (Inside the Acorn) is the same thing. It reflects the value I have in my therapeutic orientation, my clients’ work and my own personal experience. If I could put words to my fear, it would say, “I’m afraid that people will think it’s silly and since it has personal meaning to me to I’m afraid that it will mean that I’m silly or stupid.” Now I realize that that isn’t my highest self speaking, but if I’m going to get real about fear showing up in my practice, that “young” vulnerability is the first to step up.
I also noticed that I’m not the only one where fear is showing up while developing a private practice. I had a great talk with a friend lately and we ended up getting very real and sharing our fears (are we doing notes right, this client brought up some of my own “stuff”, will my supervisor think I can’t do this if I share something with them, etc). Through our conversation came a lot of “me tooing” which was such a gift for both of this. Since then I have begun the process of putting together a peer support group of a few newbie therapist/private practice owners together so that we can hold space for each other as we explore our fears and celebrate our strengths. I can’t wait until we officially start meeting next month! Thanks again Tamara! This post was perfect!
You are so welcome, Marie! Welcome back to Private Practice from the Inside Out and congrats on your new success in private practice! Thank you, too, for taking the time and finding the courage to think through and name your fears right here with us! You are obviously a take-action kind of gal! I’m a huge fan of peer support groups and hope you’ll drop back in (or write a guest post!) about how your group works.
I see that your that your support group is made of up “newbie therapists” and there is certainly a a lot that you can gain from each other. However, I also want to encourage you to create spaces for therapists with different strengths – some who are more seasoned, some who have different interests, and some who have different skills. You will find that there is also much to be gained from the diversity in that type of group, too. 🙂
And, for those of you that are looking for how to start a peer consultation group, what to do in a peer consultation group, or who even needs a consultation group here’s a little more info for you!
Marie, I look forward to hearing from you again soon and when I make it down to Florida, I hope we can meet in person!
Thank you Tamara! I will come back and let you know how it goes! If you are ever in Florida, that would be great!
Thank you Tamara, for the timely reminder. I recently started seeing a client and the only words I could put on my feelings was that I don’t feel safe with her. In 17 years as a therapist, I don’t ever recall feeling this type of fear to this extent. I journaled, reflected and sought consultation. I realized that my own insecurities had gotten the best of me with this client who was subtly demanding while also relating from the helpless victim role. I just did not think I could ever be successful with her or measure up to her expectations. Today I finally figured out how to let go of that fear and I spoke candidly and kindly with my client and only took my part in the therapeutic relationship. If what I have to offer her, genuine, honest, caring relationship and responsiveness to her stated goals, then she is free to find what she needs. As I am being true to my convictions, I am free of fear to care well for my clients.
Hi, Stacey! Thanks for joining in this conversation and what a lovely a-ha you have had. Now that you have pointed it out, I see how I, too, have on occasion gotten in my own way of caring well for a client by failing to be honest with myself. I do think that in the places that we are feeling vulnerable and insecure, it is not likely that we are also able to be taking care of our clients – at least not to the extent that they expect and deserve.
Thanks for holding up a mirror today to let me see myself more clearly!
Tamara,
Isn’t it funny how things pop up in life just when you need them? Many folks here have commented on how timely this post is, and I have to echo that. I have recently had a personal experience that was a big disappointment and it created a lot of fear for me in both my personal and business life. That’s great when you’ve got something specific to point to, right? I’ve been reflecting a lot about fear because of this disappointment, and then along comes an email from you about this post, and another colleague of mine has had some helpful things to say on her Google Plus page about fear as well. You might enjoy what she shares so I will add the link here before you even ask!
https://plus.google.com/u/0/107510352209223974166/posts
But what about the times when you don’t have a specific event to point to? Fear can be so insidious, or at least it often seems that way to me. When I catch myself procrastinating, getting stuck, or feeling overwhelmed it usually is because of fear. And as I read Tammie Johnson’s post above, her comments about having to get it right and wondering about what people will think are what usually comes to the surface for me. It gets so frustrating for me. And…it slows down the growth of my business!
At some point, I usually remind myself that I have a choice. I can choose to let the fear hold me back, or choose to Just. Do. It.
Thanks!
Cathy
Hey, Cathy! Welcome back to Private Practice from the Inside Out! Thanks so much for sharing your colleague’s post! Can’t wait to go check it out. That’s what I love about this community! You guys are so good about sharing resources and connections with each other!
You’re right, of course, about the insidiousness of fear. It’s always so much easier, I think, to see and identify someone else’s fear rather than my own! I have learned though that there are predictable things I do, physical feelings that I feel, and / or thoughts that I experience that are 100% of the time my own clues to remember “Oh, yeah! That’s my FEAR rearing it’s little head!” Those of you that work with somatic psychologies know what I’m talking about with the physical clues; and those of you that are more behavioral may recognize the actions and thoughts that can serve as clues. But, for most of us, I dare say we have a whole menu of thoughts, feelings, and actions that signal our fear is up again.
So, back to the question . . . if you know your fear slows down the growth of your business, then how does it slow down the growth of your business? (And, I love that you remember that you temporarily forgot but already knew that you have a choice.)
The “how” is a result of the the things I do and feel when I am fearful – procrastinating, feeling stuck, and feeling overwhelmed. When I find 500 other things to do instead of going out to visit a possible referral source, even things I can’t stand to do, I am putting some serious effort into avoiding that visit.
Ironic…if I put that much effort into just doing the business building things I know need to be done (but create fear), my practice would be right where I want it to be.
Essentially, the very things fear creates in me are the things that slow down growth because I’m not as effective day-by-day as I could be.
Always good to talk to you Tamara!
Cathy
OK, I’ve tried to reply to your comment, Cathy and three times, it’s disappeared before my eyes. ARGHHHH!
What I’m trying to say is that I appreciate you continuing this dialogue and drilling down to exactly how this impacts your business. Already, I know that by doing so, you are helping many others drill down to identify and articulate what they do when they get scared and how that impacts their own practices. What I think you have said so far is that when you get scared or feel stuck or overwhelmed, you typically procrastinate. (I wonder what that looks like.) And, when you procrastinate, you find a million things to do (including scrubbing the commode) rather than going to visit a possible referral source. The repercussion of that choice is that it hinders the growth of your practice.
I wonder what that does for you . . . because I believe that if it wasn’t doing something for you, you wouldn’t continue to make that choice.
In what ways does that work for you?
And, . . . might there be an action step that you would like to declare . . . right here . . . in front of the almost 10,000 hungry therapists (and allied health professionals) that will show up here in the next thirty days . . . and how might we support you in taking that next step? (No pressure, right, Cathy?)
An action step!??? Oh my…
Actually, yes I can do that and if I put this out here I better do it. I have three places I plan to visit TODAY. I hope I can get myself past the parking lots.
You wonder what procrastination looks like around my office? It often looks a lot like a computer solitaire game!
I know exactly what I get out of the procrastination. If I don’t act on my plans and goals, I also don’t fail. You could call that a distorted thought process that I forget to challenge. Because if I think about it, even if my efforts are misguided I am still learning and can rework my marketing plan and this is not failure. The thing about visiting a potential referral source is that it has the possibility of being an “in your face” rejection (fail!!). This is harder to take than the passive rejection in the relative anonymity of web-based marketing.
Cool! Does that mean you are going to drop back in and let us know what you did with those three marketing contacts?
Sometimes I find that simply by saying the words out loud, they have a whole different impact. . . either increasing in power or losing their power.
Hi Tamara! I am happy to report that I. DID. IT. !!!!
I bombed on two of them but the third was a great success. It helps that I know her already 🙂
Thanks for your support my friend!
YIPPEEEE! I’m celebrating with you, Cathy! Not so sure I believe you “bombed on two of them.” . . . What exactly does that mean anyway?! You’re talking my language when you point out that warm calls (as opposed to cold calls) are always more likely to succeed.
Almost half of my consulting clients admit that they already “know what to do” but aren’t doing it . . . so they hire me mostly as an accountability partner. And, I’m good at that. But, (and I tell them this, too) . . . You can also choose to use this community as an accountability partner by doing just what you did . . . . Making your commitment out loud right here and then asking others to hold you accountable. Or . . . we’ve had a few folks here that reached out to others in our online community back channel and have become accountability partners with each other in that way.
Whatever works for you guys is great with me! I have an accountability partner that definitely nudges me along!
this is such a great post. I’m still starting my practice so I don’t quite have this issues yet, but I know myself and know that fear is one of my own personal struggles. I will need to continually remind myself of this!
Hi, Sarah! Welcome back! You’re ahead of a lot of us in that you already know that fear is a challenge for you. For many of us, we’re caught completely off guard! Hey . . . have you read Rhonda Brittain’s book Fearless Living? It’s a great read – and full of little things that make you go “Oh! Yeah, that’s right!”
Since you are apparently in my own back door, I hope I have a chance to meet you face to face in the next few months. Any chance you’ll be at Sierra Tucson’s next luncheon?
LOVE THIS FEED! I am very new to private practice and have spent the last few months in fear before I finally realized I was afraid of not doing it perfect! I couldn’t admit I had no idea what I was doing because it was totally new, but when I did…WOW…what a shift! I am now able to connect more authentically while marketing and trust that I will win some and learn some. I also read, write, and reflect to navigate the fear but what I have found most helpful is reaching out to other professionals along with increasing my own creative process since I am an art therapist. Thanks so much for this forum!
Hi, Lanie! I’m so glad you’ve found your way to Private Practice from the Inside Out and thank you for taking time to say that you love this feed! I love having art therapists in this community. And,your feedback is like little jeweled breadcrumbs to me – helping me know that I’m headed in the right direction to help therapists find their way out of the woods!
I think that grad school really sets us up to get A’s, be perfect, and do know wrong – especially for those of us that are people-pleasers. Like you, once I could admit (first to myself, and then to others) that I didn’t have a clue how to attract clients, my next steps became immediately clear. And, part of those “next steps” included reaching out to professionals who were more seasoned and more experienced than me.
I hope you’ll be back often, Lanie, to chat here, share what you’re learning and where you are bumping up into walls. I look forward to sharing what I know and learning from you, too!
Sometimes I’m afraid of taking risks and breaking out of my comfort zone because I worry a lot about providing for my family and financial stability, which sometimes leads to fudging scheduling. I am working hard on being more assertive and worry less but its sometimes hard to know when to be flexible and when to stick to my guns. Just being honest today.
Hi, Jill! I’m in Hawaii right now, cramming for my presentation on Friday at the American Counseling Association’s annual conference so I’m a little slow getting to my blog. Just wanted to ask what you mean by “fudging scheduling.” I completely get having priorities that require you making difficult choices. I’ve been there, too, and the choices we are faced with are not always easy or . . . even understandable to those outside of our profession
. I think what’s most important to me about those choice points is to make informed and thoughtful choices . . . knowing that there are (1) likely consequences to each choice and (2) being ready / prepared to accept or deal with those consequences. That’s the best we can do.
Back in the 1980’s, the feminist movement started talking about women not being able to “have it all” i.e. work, family, personal life – all at once. That really made and makes sense to me that you as a mom and a wife and a woman and . . . and . . . and (because I know you have many, many identities beyond that) . . . may choose to attend to some of those identities and responsibilities now at the expense of your counseling practice. And, later, you may make a different choice.
Good post. I’m dealing with many of these
issues as well..
Hi, RI, and welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out I’m always happy to see attorneys here in our community. Building your practice has much in common with mental health professionals. I hope you will prowl around on the website and feel free to join the conversations here. We are happy to network with you, share what we know, and learn from your experiences, too!
With havin so much content do you ever run into
any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My blog has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced
but it looks like a lot of it is popping
it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any methods to help stop content from being ripped off?
I’d certainly appreciate it.
I love the idea of naming and claiming fear, rather than denying it. The truth is, starting a small business and being out on one’s own IS scary! I am doing my best to acknowledge this fear without acting on it — or rather, to make decisions fully aware of the fear but not out of fear. Being able to ride that wave of fear and live in the in between space (with fear but not out of fear) is hard work.
Hi, Jeremy! I love that you are hanging out with us tonight on Private Practice from the Inside Out! Is was scary in the beginning of building a private practice for me, too! But, what I know now that I didn’t know then is that (1) every private practice has its own unique cycle with clients and income that ebbs and flows and (2) a therapist can’t grow her business while paralyzed by fear.
Recognizing the cyclical nature of our work – both clinically and business-wise – and learning to recognize and ride the waves of fear . . . And embracing those in-between spaces really will empower you to own that which you do have control over and breathe into the places that you do not.
Jeremy, it’s always a pleasure to chat with you! I hope you will be back often to join the conversations!
Hi,
I’m new here. I’m 34 years old and about to open a part time private practice soon. I was really excited at first, but now it seems that all I feel is fear. Fear that I’m too young, fear that I don’t have enough experience and most importantly, fear that I don’t have enough knowledge to have what it takes. I don’t have an exact area of specialty yet but I am trained in EMDR. I also fear that my clients will sense my nervousness when they are in session with me. I have bad performance anxiety and sometimes just a 1:1 conversation is enough to trigger it. I’m wondering if other therapists felt any of this when they first opened their private practice doors.
Thank you for reading! 🙂
Kristen, I talk to therapists every day who are struggling with this anxiety. Here’s what I know . . . . You can paralyze yourself with fear or you can do something about it. You can talk to your therapist about this or go seek consultation or perhaps your former supervisor can work through this with you. The bottom line is it’s only going to get worse over time unless you address it head on. That’s just how anxiety goes when it remains unchecked.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me an email. happy to help you turn this around so that you can get on with the work of helping others!