I was chatting with one of my counseling clients about the stories we are told, the stories we tell ourselves, and the lies we come to believe when I had this sudden ah-ha!
That’s because those same stories are often the lies that keep us stuck in not growing our businesses!
And, if you believe that there should be some semblance of authenticity between you and your client, then it’s quite likely that we are then “teaching” those lies to our clients . . . and our potential referral sources . . . even our colleagues and our friends!
“What lies?” you may be asking.
These lies . . . .
“I’m great at doing therapy but I’m lousy at marketing.”
“There’s too many therapists in my town.”
“There aren’t enough clients around here to keep my practice full.”
“I can’t thrive in private practice without taking insurance.”
“My practice is struggling because I can’t get on insurance panels.”
“I don’t practice the right faith / belong to the right group to get referrals into my practice.”
“You have to be a cut-throat marketer to do well in business.”
“If you don’t work with children / EMDR / couples / etc. , you can’t have a strong practice.”
In Alcoholics Anonymous, they call this “stinkin’ thinkin’.”
I call it poison!
And, once you drink the koolaid, it really does color your world!
I believe every one of these statements to be lies.
Whether you believe any one of these statements to be true or not, I want to challenge you to consider how useful they are (or are not) to helping you build a strong and vibrant private practice.
And, of course . . . if you find that one or two are not useful, what is it you plan to do about it?
Care to share where your own stinkin’ thinkin’ is and what you plan to do with it?
Loving this, Tamara! This stinkin’ thinkin’ has certainly interfered with my self-confidence as a therapist from time from time. I have been trained in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy and have found it useful not only for my clients, but with myself! Those “stories” are only thoughts, like you say, and we have a choice to believe them and internalize them…or not. I’ve learned how to “defuse” from unhelpful thoughts by getting some distance from them: identifying them as only thoughts, and then doing some mindfulness and awareness practice, and then utilizing a simple technique such as “I’m having the thought that. . . (I’m a terrible marketer or whatever)”. And then “I notice I’m having the thought that…”. This gives some distance from the thought — not necessarily avoiding it or trying to say it’s not there, but allowing myself more power in the situation.
So, I am practicing this. I appreciate your timely post about this because these poisonous thoughts can creep in and sometimes I don’t notice them. A lesson in mindfulness, I guess!
I’m going to invite some new thoughts in, such as “I am an effective, helpful and skilled therapist and have many tools already under my belt…just as I am.” 🙂
Hi, Kate, and thank you for dropping in today to chat. I keep getting my own little lessons about “stinkin’ thinkin'” much to my dismay! And, I’m finding that the whole mindfulness meditation thing is SAVING MY BUTT! Thanks for the reminder about ACT, too! That’s exactly where I need to be heading!
So true Tamara! I just posted something yesterday on Twitter about this…we are what we believe and this will completely impact the work and energy that we feed to our clients.
As always, thanks for your good work in the field!
Hi, Jenny! Welcome back to Private Practice from the Inside Out!
Yes, it impacts the work that we do (and do not choose to do), the energy we bring (and the energy we can’t seem to find), and the money that we earn (and choose not to earn), too! YES!
Thanks for the very kind words, too!
Thank you for this reminder! Like many of your blog posts, the timing was perfect. I recently moved to a new state, leaving a private practice behind. I’ve been wrestling with some stinkin’ thinkin’ about my abilities to start up a practice here. It’s amazing how these negative thoughts can become so powerful! I’m working on some creative alternatives to tell myself instead. (And you inspired my most recent blog post – thanks!).
Hi, Nicole! Thanks for dropping in to chat! Where did you move to / from? I’m looking forward to hearing about those creative alternatives! (And,I’ll be checking out your blog post, too!)
I moved from St. Paul, MN to St. Louis, MO. Right now, the most creative reframe I can come up with is…”Just because it’s challenging…doesn’t mean I’ll fail.” Thanks for checking out my blog.
Oh, Nicole! I love this! It’s so true, isn’t it?! Just because it’s difficult . . . doesn’t mean I can’t learn it! YES!
Another timely and thoughtful post– and just what I needed to hear today! As to what I want to do with this stinkin’ thinkin’ that crops up from time to time… reality checks from other professionals and caring folks is usually all I need to get back on the right path. Gentle, compassionate reminders get me to pull back the belief and find the fear that’s hiding tucked underneath. Thanks for writing this, Tamara! I’m going back to my to-do list today feeling full!
Hey! Ann! I’ve missed your voice here! All is good with you?
Surely your ears are ringing because I’ll be mentioning your blog as one of my favorite for new bloggers to check out in BlogStart for Therapists on Monday!:)
All is well with me! I’ve been seeing posts for your new blog class– I hope that is going well. I’m super flattered that you’d mention my blog to your workshop folks– thank you!!
Well, the class is full to the brim and then some but we did have a bit of tech glitch that has delayed everything a week. Those that enrolled have been so understanding but I must admit that I had to work overtime to keep from going into a bit of a shame spiral. It’s so much easier when other therapists are the ones that aren’t perfect!:) Just hate getting very public lessons in humility!:)
I read this a few days ago and thought, “Nah, I don’t think THOSE things.” Then, after a few days, I realized my own stinkin thinkin was abounding and it was interfering with being able to hear and see the evidence to the contrary. Can’t hear compliments. Can’t believe someone thinks THAT of me because I’m not established enough/ a good enough marketer/ enough (_whatever_) to deserve THAT. Stinkin thinkin gets in the way of the antidote to stinkin thinkin. A poop loop!
Hahaha! A Poop Loop! YOU are such a WRITER, Kat! And, I would love that Poop Loop guest post from you! (Seriously interested – mid summer guest post by chance?)
I know what you mean, though . . . . I pride myself on all the work I’ve done over the last 30 years to clean up my stuff and THEN when I get just a little too cocky . . . WHAM I get a brick-in-the-face and a reality check that there’s more stuff still to clean up! I think . . . for those of use that choose to be self-reflective . . . this is the big adventure called life. Until the day we die if we keep looking, there’s always going to be another layer. I’m starting to think of it as a bit of a treasure hunt!
And this models that process for clients, so keeping ourselves from pretending to be perfect is therapeutic for all involved!
You have such a knack for taking one little thing and seeing a post in it – I’d be happy to put more thought into that topic. It’s a good example of how a prolific blogger thinks! Now I’m owing you TWO posts, I better get out of the poop loop and start writing!
🙂 Yes you do! My readers will love ’em!
I really appreciate this post! I find that not only do we have these moments of insecurity in our own heads, but some “Debbie Downer” therapists actually propagate these myths among other therapists! It makes me very frustrated to hear therapists complaining about all of the perceived reasons they can’t make a good living as a therapist. What’s worse is when I see pre-licensed therapists who then hear these messages from more senior therapists and believe them. The irony, of course, is that I make it a point never to refer to someone who spews vitriol about the “horrors” of being a therapist, so it can then become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Hi, Hayley! Welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out! And, thank you for dropping in to chat. I never thought about it until just now when you pointed out that you don’t refer to those “Debbie Downers.” That’s true for me, too! Why would we send referrals to therapists that are already seeming angry or depressed?! And, of course, it does become a self-fulfilling prophecy!
There is a time and a place for venting – and that’s typically in your journal or behind closed doors with your best friend . . . not at a networking event and definitely not on Facebook or Twitter.
There is also a time and place for talking about challenges related to developing your practice including your fears and your frustrations. Ideally those are solution-focused conversations to be had in private with your mentor, your supervisor, your therapist, your coach / consultant, or me . . . .
I see new professionals (and more seasoned professionals, too) often make this mistake of sharing too much in the wrong venue. It’s an issue of judgment and boundaries and the consequences can be a deal breaker for sure! Yes, you have a right to free speech; and, you may have a need to vent. But, when and where can mean the difference between repelling potential referrals and attracting potential referrals. It may not be “fair” but it’s the reality. Clients typically gravitate toward those who can offer hope and optimism rather than fear and frustrations.
Hayley and Tamara I’m loving this comment because this is a damaging quality to excessive and counterproductive rumination like this. Those that have a hopelessness about things and just want to be negative can feel really invalidating when you have a positive attitude and try to interact with them. And it certainly influences how I remember them and whether I’d refer. I’ve gotten the impression that some who have been in practice for years (before blogs and social media, etc) feel that the “new school” marketing and business mindset (abundance and pro-activity) doesn’t apply to them (whilst they share very negative and foreboding advice with anyone who will listen).
I also think people may fear sounding like this, so they never allow themselves to be vulnerable in the right context and get any support. Being honest and open with the right folks is incredibly validating and I can’t imagine my professional life without the gift of supportive colleagues.
Let’s hear hip hip hooray! for SUPPORTIVE COLLEAGUES!
Kat and Tamara, I absolutely agree that support is important for us all! I think I should clarify that I do not see a problem at all with expressing legitimate, specific frustrations, but when we start making broad generalizations about the business or practice of therapy in general, I think it gets into potentially dangerous territory.
Of course there are legitimately aggravating things we deal with at times (who doesn’t?) and in support, supervision, or consultation groups, it’s great to share those experiences because it may help others who are also experiencing the same thing or someday will. Additionally, it’s a productive way to vent and hopefully also receive some guidance or constructive feedback.
I myself facilitate the support group for pre-licensed MFTs in my area (as part of my service on my local CAMFT chapter’s board) so I routinely am speaking with other therapists at all stages of their licensure process about their experiences, concerns, and hopes. We certainly share struggles in addition to successes. To me, the productive complaints are specific (i.e. “I’m having difficulty with this insurance claim and am seeking advice or support”) as opposed to generalizations that are probably not objectively true (i.e. “All insurance companies are awful and they’re the reason no therapist can ever make a good living”).
And Kat, I think you make an excellent point about the shifts in marketing and what is required of therapists in terms of being a businessperson in addition to a good clinician. However, I tend to hold the opinion that people who are looking for something to be unhappy about or blame for their disappointments will always manage to find something.
And Tamara, your point about clients gravitating toward people who can offer hope is SO true. Not only that, but I take referrals very seriously since I feel that my giving a recommendation to another professional (in any field) is tying that person or company’s performance to my business. I am unwilling to risk sending my clients (or even non-clients who seek referrals from me) to others (therapists or otherwise) who may leave the person with a negative impression of me and my practice, or worse, negatively impact someone’s well-being and healing process.
Hayley, when you mention being careful about who you refer to, I’m right there with you! Last summer I wrote a blog post about the ethical and legal responsibilities that come with making a referral. Here’s a link to What They Don’t Tell Mental Health Professionals about Vetting Referrals in Graduate School. Making a bad referral can damage your reputation as you point out; but it can also damage your professional standing in your community and have long term financial consequences in court, too.
I LOVE that this was a topic because I think it is oh so true and I’m realizing this each day that I’m on my own as a private practice person. While I’ve had my practice for almost 6 years I recently went completely solo (I was working for an agency as well). This has been somewhat scary but also so invigorating! One of the things I try to avoid is “poverty consciousness.” I meditate and put out there that I am enough and I am good enough to attract clients. So far, things have been going very well- from an increase in referrals to some new contacts/contracts. I’m looking forward to learning how to put myself out there even more through the new BlogStart program this week! Thanks for the information- I know I will be learning a lot from all of you!
Ohhh, Amy! Bless you! So happy to have you on board in Blogstart for Therapists and so appreciate your willingness to roll with the glitch and the Do Over that bumped the class one week! (Was just telling Ann here that it was / is an exercise in humility!)
However, I do think that the class is chocked FULL of good stuff for new bloggers and that you’ll leave with new tools / ideas / support for your journey!
Tamara,
Thank you. I am so glad to read this! The one I have come across the most is “I can’t fill my practice if I charge what I am worth.” (Sometimes, “You can’t ….” with a suggestion that I accept new clients at ~1/2 my rate.) I am finding that not to be the case. And modeling owning our worth is important to our clients and to supervisees. Love your blog!
Emily Keller
Hi, Emily! And, welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out! Thank you for taking time to join the conversation here!
I’m not sure I’m reading your comment the way you intended but what I think you are saying is that as long as a therapist greets potential clients by stating that she accepts clients at 1/2 her usual fee, that therapist is setting herself up to earn less than she is worth. If that is what you meant, then I have to say that I agree. And, I love your point that we owe it to our clients to model a healthy sense of self-worth!