I’ve been chatting with Lauren Ostrowski on this blog for less than a year. She shows up and dives in to conversations offering her ideas and her questions, her resources and her support to me and others here in our online community.
Last month she referenced a resource in one of her comments that she had found on another blog. I invited her to share more about that here with you today. If you have missed talking with Lauren up until today, I am happy to formally introduce you to this thoughtful counselor in our community.
(If you are interested in writing a guest post, check out the guidelines here.)
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A Guest Post by Lauren C. Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC
As mental health professionals, we are well aware that we do not have clients who think everything in their life is absolutely perfect. If that were the case, they wouldn’t need to be a part of our caseload. Does that mean, by definition, that every single thing is going wrong? While that is doubtful, there can be days when it seems like nothing is going right for any of our clients.
It’s these days when the need is paramount for therapist self-care, which has been a center of numerous discussions here at Private Practice from the Inside Out. After all, how much benefit are we to our clients if we are frustrated, upset, angry, or a combination of a myriad of emotions? While the below activity is designed for use with clients, it can easily be adapted to mental health professionals.
Liana Lowenstein’s Gratitude Calendar is a Featured Technique on her website. The original document is available on her website as of this writing, but the technique listed in her Featured Technique section often changes. Her monthly newsletter is a handy reminder for downloading the current Featured Technique and all the other useful information she is giving out that month. Here’s a quick summary of how Liana explains the Gratitude Calendar:
- Goals are to encourage positive thinking and
help clients to be responsible for their own inner happiness – ages 7 and up. - The only items needed are a calendar with space to write and materials to decorate (if desired).
- The mental health professional explains what gratitude is, that the reason for one’s gratitude can be small or large, and begins with some examples.
- The client is asked to list one thing they are grateful for each day.
It’s likely that you already are formulating ideas about how this can be helpful for mental health professionals. Here are some reasons I have found it useful:
- Liana’s first objective definitely applies to mental health professionals – and everyone else. We are ultimately responsible for our own happiness.
- This can help to center a mental health professional on positive elements of his or her own day; likely one that is mainly focused on helping others.
- The Gratitude Calendar may help to decrease office politics if several mental health professionals in one agency or practice are willing to complete the activity.
- The moment or two that it takes to fill in the gratitude calendar every day may help to change a mental health professional’s perspective on a certain client or concern that had been especially troublesome.
- This may serve as a reminder for mental health professionals that there is a positive element to every day, even if it is small. This may be related to a concept that is often used with clients, particularly if one is trying to use a strength-based approach. Do we not deserve this for ourselves?
- There are days when it can seem that there is more paperwork than there are client interactions. This activity may help to refocus and see the value in a particular day or event.
- Even if we do not complete the entire assignment in writing, there is likely great benefit to positive and centered thinking, even if it’s just for one minute or less. This may be especially applicable when there is little or no time between sessions and a mental health professional is concerned that emotion from one session may carry into the next.
- While this could be beneficial to a mental health professional at any stage of his or her career, it may be particularly helpful to interns or new professionals who may be overwhelmed by clients’ concerns or paperwork.
- While this is similar to the Mustard Seeds & Mega-Gifts: A Community Gratitude Journal that is a weekly mainstay of this community, there are some notable differences, such as the fact that your gratitude calendar can be private.
- Also, if an entire month is completed, there is a list of 30 things for which you are grateful and this list can be consulted regularly. If this is completed on a single sheet of paper, it’s easily portable.
Do you think you could benefit from this? If you’re concerned about having enough time to actually write it down, consider completing it during TV commercials. If you continue to have reservations about this, I would encourage each of you to examine your resistance to allocating a few minutes to yourself. This could be a symptom of therapeutic burnout, which can be lessened or remedied only if it is part of awareness.
I smile when I think of how each of us may be different if we committed to doing this for even one month out of the year.
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About the Author: Lauren C. Ostrowski, MA, LPC, NCC, DCC is a counselor in a community mental health agency in Pennsylvania. She is also a Distance Credentialed Counselor and is excited about beginning a limited private practice using distance (online) counseling.
Hi there!
Dr. Martin Seligman, past president of the American Psychological Association, has written about the effect of gratitude on positive affect. The correlation is clear…gratitude lowers depression levels long term! I love the idea of formally reflecting on what we are grateful for. Clients who are in great pain can get near-sighted in focusing on what is wrong in their life, but when they begin to think about what is good, they may gain a better perspective on their own strengths and resources. Thank you for the great resource, Lauren.
Hi, Linda! Thank you for dropping in this morning and referencing Dr. Seligman’s work on gratitude. Therapists who are frustrated and distraught over the pace that their practices are growing can also gain a better perspective on their strengths and resources by using the Gratitude Calendar that Lauren references.
The best reminder I got from a professor in Grad school was that “emotions are contagious. You want your clients to pick up your mood not the other way around. So take care of you first” I practice this by keeping a gratitude journal of even the smallest things. Great post!
🙂 Thanks, Liza! That’s as good a reason as any to take care of ourselves!
‘Taking care , is a really good way of describing being a therapist, as a collaboration in which we can be of use. I get encouragement and energy from being able to use my skills with clients. It’s such a privilege to be included , hear remarkable stories of courage and tenacity. It’s inspirational , i learn so much its a lesson in how courageous, funny and delightful people really are. The truth is certainly more wonderful and varied than I might have hoped. I feel very lucky to enjoy my work and the people I work with so much , it’s as if taking care of me is taking care of others and the two cannot be separated. It seems important to be challenged, busy, useful and part of a community. Its through having a place and context in mylife I gain strength and purpose. Thank you for the wonderful blog. Gillian
Gillian! Welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out! Thank you for sharing your own reflections on the work that you do and joining us here to chat. I hope you will be back often sharing your voice as we work together to build strong and vibrant practices!
Wow, this post came at a great time! I have noticed that I can tend to “carry my clients” with me, and let their focus on what’s wrong seep into my own personal life and the way that I can perceive my professional life as well. When this occurs, I need to remind myself of personal boundaries with my work. This is sometimes easier said than done. I have been interested in the Gratitude Journal since it was mentioned in Ann’s blog a couple of weeks ago, so thanks, Lauren, for providing more detail! I especially related to the question of “why am I resistant to giving myself what I strive to give my clients daily — acceptance and the permission to be grateful! I am going to make it a personal goal to keep a gratitude journal this month and will use it with my clients as well. The power of shifting focus from negative to grateful is a daily reminder to me to be mindful and present. Thank you for sharing these thoughts!
Hi, Kate! It’s so good to have your voice here! I can so relate to the mindset of denying myself what I ask for my clients! Thank you for putting this mindset into words. I know that when I recognize those places, they have invariably been places where I was failing to take care of me. And, once I am aware of them, I can then make a conscious choice to do something different.
And, concerning that “power of shifting focus,” someone told me a long time ago that some people pray beautiful formal prayers and others just live moment to moment saying “thank you.” For some reason the latter really resonated with me. And, as I strive to live in that mental space of appreciation and gratitude, I, too, find that I am better able to stay mindful and present.
So glad you dropped in today, Kate! And, I hope you will be back often to share your ideas and your experiences with the rest of us!
What great discussion! Each of the comments typically has a reply button, but I don’t see any of those here (Tamara, maybe you can look into that). I’ll just answer the comments here so that we can continue the discussion…
Linda, you bring up some wonderful points. I am familiar with the work of Martin Seligman and this definitely is related. It reminds me of the humanistic psychology (or counseling) viewpoint that is often termed person-centered. This idea of being oriented towards ourselves is likely something that we try to pass on to our clients, but in order to do that, we have to be able to genuinely portray a positive environment and attitude. This is much easier if we are have worked on our own inner conflicts. I’m not saying we are robotic or are always in a wonderful mood, but need to have the ability to temper our own mood changes. I consider the idea of person-centered therapy to be an important component, but it’s also important to realize that, just as every theoretical orientation doesn’t work for every client, every self-care strategy is not going to work for every situation for a counselor. Nearsighted is a great adjective for the way a lot of clients can be, Particularly at the beginning of treatment. Good find!
Liza, it’s great that you remember what your professor mentioned. I wonder if you’d be willing to share a story (without compromising any confidentiality or other boundaries) about when a particular session or situation reminded you to take care of yourself first. It’s also great to keep an index card or piece of paper with favorite lessons from professors or other people from whom you learn so you can refer back to your list of “10 Most Important Things to Remember” every couple of months. I know that as I completed my supervision for my license, I took a lot of notes, but there are also several things that I listed in bold so I can be easily reminded of them. And yes, the small things can sometimes make the largest difference!
Haha, Lauren! You caught me! I’ve been making some slight changes on the back side of this blog and so the commenting is looking a bit different. Now you have to scroll all the way down to the end of the comments to leave any comment. (You guys should let me know if you prefer one format to another. I’m just experimenting.)
And, Lauren, I’m loving those cheat sheets of 10!
Gillian, It’s so great that you mention being able to get encouragement and energy from using your skills with your clients rather than from positive reinforcement that they overtly and verbally give you. I’m not saying that clients never mention how much they have learned from a particular technique or how much they have improved in general, but it’s great that you’re able to get that positive reinforcement intrinsically as well. One of the best things that my supervisor taught me was something that followed an exchange where had totally bent over backwards for a client because she needed a much higher level of care than outpatient treatment. I had spent more hours on the phone regarding this child than I had actually seen her in the office, and when she came in for her final session with me, her parents did not even say thank you. I don’t often expect such reactions, but I had put in so much extra work (that the family was well aware of), that for some reason I was expecting it. My supervisor’s reaction was simple and powerful: “Lauren, if you were expecting them to say thank you, it wasn’t truly unconditional.” That doesn’t mean that we cannot wish to be thanked or told that something was helpful, but it’s great when we are able to recognize our own skills and how we are doing things well just from the client’s progress or nonverbal reactions. Having said that, I do ask my clients to tell me whether there is something specific that is helping or not helping because it can help direct specific sessions.
Kate, I believe that learning to leave client’s stories in the office is a lifelong journey for each of us. If you seem to be carrying a lot of your client’s stories and you’re not sure why they are sticking with you, this might be good to address with a coworker, as they may be able to help you determine what is happening for you in these situations. It is natural for some things that we hear to stay with us forever – and I think this could be a very good thing in a lot of circumstances. What matters is how they are affecting us. It may be good to look at the frequency, intensity, and duration of what you take home with you. I do this mental check often, and it helps. Being mindful is the first step to learning more about yourself, both as a counselor and as a person.
Tamara, My vote is still out on the comment reply buttons. I see positives and negatives to both formats. Ever thought of doing a post on that so we could discuss it? Just an idea.
Lauren, I love your supervisor underscoring the difference between true gifts and strings attached. And, I can relate that to my consulting work here as well as my clinical work. It’s always nice to hear “thank you” and get feedback that says I am on the right track. That’s one of the reasons commenting on someone’s blog is so appreciated.
Lauren, I think you are right. I’ll wait a few weeks to let readers get used to this different look for comments and then I’ll post a quick survey to see which is preferred. Thanks for the suggestion.
Lauren,
I love the idea of the index card. I may even start a “words of wisdom journal” since I like pretty journals lol
Tamara, I personally prefered the Reply button at the end of each comment.
As for an example of a situation or session I was reminded of taking care of me? Just recently I started working with a young woman who was referred by her daughter’s therapist because the little girl made the comment that “mommy doesn’t smile anymore”. Mom was hesitant to come to therapy but decided to give it a try for her daughter. After the first time I meet with a new client I always ask for feedback from them. The client didnt say anything to me when I asked. I see the mom at the same time the little girl sees her therapist. So right after our sessions, the little girl’s therapist came into my office and says “wow this is the first time I’ve seen that lady smiling since I’ve met her. She said that she felt comfortable with you”
I like to think that because I consciously take care of myself by pampering myself, having alone time, doing the things I enjoy, etc. it shows that I’m happy, confident, and comfortable with myself and it rubs off on people. We know that just like negativity is contagious so is positivity. And you radiate positivity when you take care of yourself.
Lauren!Liza! That’s a great example! Thank you! And, I’m looking for a better “reply” plugin for my website. Thank you for the feedback.Liza,
I love your idea of the Words of Wisdom Journal. You also gave a wonderful example of positive feedback. It’s a good reminder not to overlook the small things. I imagine we would be surprised if we were to ask some of our more consistent clients what they remember most from their time in session. I’m sure we would be thinking of a few of the same things, but I think a lot of things resonate with clients that we may consider minimally significant when compared with other things. You are so right about positivity being contagious!
Tamara, I think you meant to highlight Liza’s example in your last comment, but you mentioned me instead. I also think I like the reply buttons better.
Lauren, you are exactly right. I mis-directed that comment. Went back and corrected it – Thanks!
I’ve found little rituals help me leave client problems at the office. When locking the file cabinet drawer at the end of the work day I pause, take a deep breath, and tell myself I’ve already devoted time to my clients today and now it’s time for me.
I did something similar when I worked at a residential treatment center. Driving my car across the small bridge that connected the center to the community outside of it at the end of the day was symbolic of leaving my caseload there until I returned the next day.
Hey, Pam! I’ve been wanting to address therapists’ rituals in a blog post! Love yours. Think I’ll use your comment as a jumping off point for that post! Thanks so much for sharing!
I love your idea, Pam! That’s a really good way to help change gears, especially because it may be possible to include other sensory reminders of differences, such as sights and sounds and smells when we transition from the office to our next destination. Great idea to also remind yourself that tomorrow is another day and most things can either wait that long when they have already been taken care of because there were more emergent in nature! Excellent!
Oh, Tamara, that’s going to be such fun! I have a lot of rituals and would really enjoy hearing what others have created.
You’re on! Looking forward to learning from you, too!
Hello ! I have enjoyed reading all of the submissions/posts here! Lauren, your article was very nicely written.
I have been doing graitutude journal work for 26 years! LOL..You may ask..How can you be that specific? It was when I joined a 12 step group. One of the things they mentioned was “keeping an Attitude of Gratitude”. They also suggested writing at least 5 things you are grateful for that day. Gratitude can really help turn my perspective around. I am relatively new to posting and blogging, and not always sure of the etiquette..especially with all of this new technology, and various social media outlets…so IF I make any mistakes, or if I ever come off offensive, please tell me..it is NEVER my desire. At any rate, thanks to everyone..I can relate to all of you about learning to be mindful of self care….and my ritual…was basically the same as Pam’s..I too, worked in a rehab inpatient setting…as I drove away..I literally pictured the campus becoming smaller and smaller…and my personal life all ready for me. In Private Practice, it is shutting off the lights…locking up…knowing that I have given my best today, and if for some reason, it wasn t as good as I hoped…to learn, re-group , re-energize, and know I don’t have to be perfect. One of my Mantras”It’s not the mistakes you make, it’s how you correct them.” So, I lock up, and know that I always have things to learn, and give myself credit for the many ways I am striving to give the best services possible.
Hi, Mary! Welcome back! Some of my best friends are in recovery and I appreciate you self-identifying. It helps others who are in recovery and new to the field normalize their journey and recognize that there are like-minded and like-experienced therapists out here.
Thanks for joining this conversation and describing your own ritual, too. I’m loving that mantra!
Mary,
It’s great to hear that journaling about gratitude has been so helpful to you for so many years. It’s great to find something that is truly in our control – especially in a world that can often seem so chaotic. Thanks for pointing out how gratitude can be so important to each of us. Sometimes we can pass along seemingly small kernels on knowledge and information that blossom into much larger projects or concepts. Sounds like this started as something small for you and became an important part of daily life.
I love your ritual and mantra as well! Sounds like you have a lot of wonderful self-care strategies in place.