The stories you tell and the stories that are told about you and your counseling practice matter. As a health care professional in private practice, it’s important that you make a conscious choice to take charge of your stories.
What are the stories that you tell about yourself?
I attend networking events for mental health professionals every other month. Two months ago I sat by a guy who spent the 
entire 90 minutes talking about how “depressed” the economy was, the negative impact it was having on his client load, and how difficult it is for him to get clients to not “drop out” of counseling with him. Sound like a cheery guy that you would want to refer your clients to? I don’t think so and he wasn’t a very good marketer either.
He could have spent that time talking about what he is learning because of this downturn in the economy or ways he is helping his current clients deal more effectively with today’s stressors or what he is doing to keep the rest of his clients engaged. He could have inquired about my practice habits and learned what I am doing to keep my practice vibrant and growing right now. If he had done so, then perhaps I would have left wanting to reconnect with him or refer to him or at least not avoid him at the next networking event.
Think about the stories that you tell others . . . . Do they highlight your strengths? Do they focus on your leadership skills or your listening skills?
Are they upbeat and optimistic?
Woe is me! Or so it may appear to others if you are struggling to find the joys of private practice. Potential clients and potential referral sources will pick up on your mood. If the current state of your practice is less than ideal . . . for whatever reason, make sure that you are selective in the stories you tell – to others as well as to yourself – about your work. Make sure that those stories don’t sound like whining and pity-parties.
Do your stories include space for other people to join in and tag onto your own experiences? Or do they crowd everyone else out of the room screaming “Back to me! Back to me!”
And, equally important, what stories are others telling about you? Are they associating you with relief and care or are they associating you with struggles and disinterest?
Take a moment right now to reflect on the last story or snippet of a story that you shared with someone else about your work. Notice the tone – was it upbeat, service-focused, cranky, sour-grapes? Regardless of what your tone was then, what could it be the next time that you shared a similar story with a colleague? I hope you’ll take time to comment below to let us know about the many stories that are being told by mental health professionals about the work that we do.
Excellent point – This is part of gratitude – there are challenges to what we do in private practice for sure – but there are reasons I made the choice to be where I am today. And by and large – those reasons are valid and fulfilled. I like to start my elevator speech with – “thanks for asking (about my job) I really love it because I get to…”
J. Kipp! I love this “Thanks for asking . . . ” intro! And, I’m stealing it, too! Thanks for sharing such a simple way to connect with the person asking!
I also just slipped over to see how your website is looking. You’ve been really busy! You’ve fleshed it out and put some meat on that site! Nice job.
Thanks for dropping in this morning to chat!
There are few things more energizing for me than the work I do. I both work in an agency and do a little subcontracting on the side. I am absolutely amazed at the courage that folks have, as well as honored to be the one to hear their fears or struggles or journey! I love it when there is what I call a moment in session. It’s almost audible when it “clicks” for them. And it is also fun to hear what they remember from previous sessions that “stuck” for them. These moments almost always happen in every session…it is so cool! So….the story I tell myself about the work I do is it is freaking awesome and I can’t wait to do more….can’t wait to be on my own, in my own office, getting plenty of folks who think I am worth more than I charge (ummm….not that I undercharge, just that I am worth even more).
Jamie, I can so relate to that story, too! Now . . . to build that practice I have a couple of suggestions for you . . . . First, change how you tell others about what you do. How about “I own a limited private practice . . . ” rather than “a little subcontracting on the side.” It’s true – subcontracting is part of many therapists’ practices and “limited” sounds as if you have chosen this limit rather than being a victim of “not enough clients.”
And, then the second thing for you to consider is what is the story that you tell yourself about owning your own business, being “in your own office, getting plenty of folks who think” you are work “more than you charge?”
I am learning that I can count on you for a nudge to go a little deeper =0)
hahaha – Thanks, Jamie! I have to say that you and all the other therapists here in our community are continually nudging me to go a little deeper, too!
YES! I have, sadly, caught myself doing this very thing (hopefully not to the extent of the gentleman at your event). Thanks for the reminder that as private practitioners we are really always “on,” and should speak about our work with that reality in mind.
Good morning, Anne! Yes, we are always “on” when we are at the movie theatre, when we are hiking through the woods, when we are entertaining in our homes, and even when we are shopping in the grocery store. But, there’s another reason to mind our stories, too . . . . By training our mouths we are training our minds to move in the directions that we want them to. The stories that I want to capture my imagination are those that inspire me! They are about my possibilities and my successes rather than my struggles and my failures! And, those are the ones that I want to slip off the tip of my tongue, too!
Tamara, I completely agree with you on this one. I find that when I choose to think and speak about my practice in a positive way, it tends to move in a positive direction, and vice versa.
Tamara,
Your point is really valid about the stories we tell. I would have a difficult time referring to a pessimistic down and out therapist? Hope is a large part of healing and if the therapist lacks hope how can it not affect the therapeutic relationship? I want to be sensitive about the struggles that are real in a tough economy and to acknowledge many people are in the same boat.
Hence, now is the time when the ability to be a creative problem solver is tested. In tough times rather than expect clients to stick with one on one therapy, we can offer more affordable methods of service to the community such as groups and workshops. Even a webinar might be a choice. Sustainability is a question every business owner needs to ask themselves.
Also, stories we tell others are the same stories we tell ourselves. It is important to be mindful of where we put our focus. We have a choice of where we put our focus and to bring intention to how we want to be in relationship with tough times. We must to willing to do what we ask of our clients. Research indicates it is the relationship that heals and the relationship starts with the self.
I am in the process of coaching a small group of new therapists and sustainability is a strategy we look at for the long haul. Each one in the group has asked themselves the question, “Can I really support myself in private practice?” My answer, “A good business plan helps. “ BTW I will be gearing up for the next coaching group in late fall.
Warmly, Brenda Bomgardner, MA, NCC, Board Certified Coach
Thanks, Brenda! I love that you’ve identified sustainability as a key feature of any successful practice. It’s critical for the life of our planet. It’s critical for our communities’ growth. And, it’s critical for our individual practices to thrive as well. Best wishes for your coaching practice!
Tamara,
As I first read about how you were saying how much our stories matter, I was struck by two things. One is that the stories that coworkers and I share about office politics and those non-clinical happenings are much different than stories about what we discuss in session. I’ve also had to learn how to really make sure that my attitude on my “office experiences” really create the first impression that I feel is so important because the first impression my clients have of my agency (and ultimately of counseling on the whole) is the waiting room and the receptionist staff. Sometimes those experiences are not totally in line with the first Impression that I want to give. Additionally, our intake process requires that our clients sign approximately 30 sheets of paper, and they usually don’t know this is coming before they come into the appointment. Shortly after seeing the reactions of the clients, I started to use an explanation at the beginning of the intake about how this appointment is very different than a typical session because of the amount of signatures, and several other things. It seems to help them to understand that counseling interaction is not based on paperwork, as that intake seems to be.
The other thing I am mindful of is the idea that people in my family often comment about some of the unfavorable aspects of my current position (namely income) when talking with other family members or acquaintances. These people often seem to believe that I do not have a reputable career, and I can’t imagine how many people that affects. That general statement could know no bounds. I also have someone in my family who insists on referring to me as a psychologist, which drives me crazy because I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I have nothing against psychologists, but I’m not one, and it is unethical and inappropriate to call me by the wrong title. I correct this person every time she says this in front of me, but she says that it doesn’t make a difference (and believe me, I have tried to explain it) and that she only does it because people better understand what a psychologist is. I have said that it could be explained as similar to a psychologist without actually saying that I am a licensed psychologist. This really highlights both the concept that professional identity and ethics are important and the idea that I really wish that mental health professionals were able to work together little more than they seem to.
Oh, my gosh, Lauren! Yes! You bring up so many different aspects of how important our stories are, how little control we have over those stories once we give them away, the tending that we must do in order to insure that they are our stories, that they are accurate stories, and that they are the most useful ones that will help us create the futures that we desire.
My disclosure statement is unusually lengthy, too. I love the way that you have found to minimize your clients’ surprise by helping orient them to the necessary processes of an agency. I was trained in solution-focused therapy early on. One of the things that these therapists frequently do – and I have, in turn, chosen to do – is to send my intake paperwork ahead of time for my clients to review and complete. My thinking is that this allows them time (on their own dime) to read over, consider, and formulate questions about those documents and our process. When they come to the first session, we no longer spend 20-30 minutes with them filling out paperwork. Instead, i answer questions, review the disclosure statement, and then we move on to getting to know each other. I know that change comes more slowly in organizations but I highly recommend it as a way to use time more efficiently and increase the likelihood of clients actually thoughtfully considering the information they are being provided. It has worked well for me.
I like how you send your paperwork to your clients beforehand, Tamara. One of the elements of distance counseling in a limited private practice that I’m looking forward to is the idea that they, too, will complete the intake packet before the first session. Not only will this allow for deeper discussion of what is important on the intake, but elements that do not apply to that client will not even need to be broached in the initial session. Ultimately, it makes the session more geared toward the client and their immediate and long-term needs.
Lauren, that has really turned out to be the case for me. And, although I am sheepish about the length of my disclosure statement, I get consistent feedback from clients that “yes, it was thorough but I really liked having all of that in writing and getting it ahead of time to think about!” Sometimes we assume that clients will react in certain ways . . . and then, they prove us wrong!
BTW – I don’t have clients return the completed forms to me electronically.
I tell very little stories about work. When I speak about work, it is usually when it has been a significantly difficult day. Most don’t like my stories about work so I keep them to myself. Residential care with juveniles who have sexually offended is difficult. It is also very rewarding. The rewards usually come later when old residents call back with their success. We don’t get referrals for being upbeat but we give them for making change in the juvenile’s lives. The work is demanding but also a blessing. I pay close attention to what is said in referral areas.
Hey, Bryan . . . I think I wasn’t as clear as I should have been because both you and Jamie went clinical on me. What I meant to say is that the stories we tell ourselves about the business of private practice matter. So . . . what are the stories you tell yourself about getting clients, keeping clients, losing clients, money, marketing, etc.? Those stories influence our business survival as much as the stories we tell about our clinical world influence the work we see and do therapy with our clients.
Sorry a misinterpretation. I tell myself not to ask for clients as when I do I get them. We were low on clients last month to 9. One was discharged and 5 more came into the program in the last month. While this is great for business, it is tough to manage them all. I have learned to be careful for what I wish for.
Personally, I do recognize that my attitude has a direct impact on those I work with as well as on the clients. I would rather think about client stuff then the business stuff.
Ha ha ha, Bryan! That’s all of us! We would all prefer to think about the “client stuff” and that, of course, is why we’re all here at Private Practice from the Inside Out! Because . . . if we aren’t spending time working on our businesses rather than just in our business, our businesses fail!
But I get it. I really do get it. It’s me, too! I love the puzzling and the analyzing and the hypotheses and the theories and the possibilities and the challenges and the hope and the optimism and the change and the spiritual and the nuanced that come with our clinical work. If feeds me!
And, what I have learned along the way is that in order to feed my practice, I must also look for those same stories in my business because again . . . if there’s no business, there’s no therapy going on.
I say all of that to say, Bryan, from one gal who loves her clinical work to a guy who loves his clinical work . . . Thanks for sticking around to chat about the business stuff our of sheer necessity! (I’m still holding out hope that I can help you find the bright side of doing business in private practice! It’s there! It took me a while to find it! But, now . . . I’m passing it on!)
My own private practice has been an interest. I cannot do it by myself. I need a regular clinical group (and others) to interact with. I need to have my passion tempered by politics. I have had several requested to do it. I have some from the outpatient part of my agency to do some contract work. Maybe when dissertation is done and Ph.D. is obtained. Maybe Funkytown is a great private practice name.
Bryan, I don’t think any of us can build and maintain a thriving private practice by ourselves. We all need colleagues to support us and consult with us. Personally, I need the intellectual and social stimulation that comes from my colleagues, too. That’s why I believe we can all benefit from having a peer consultation group that meets regularly.
Bryan, that whole passion – politics discussion is a balancing act, isn’t it?! I think you mean that you have to temper what you love to do with the reality of the politics in the office. Yes? When I was younger, that was definitely me, too. And now, I have to do just the opposite! I have to temper my politics in order to do what I’m passionate about! See what I mean by a balancing act?! And, at least for me, if I tip too much in one direction or the other . . . it begins to feel a bit like prostitution i.e. like I’m giving parts of me that I really value away!
You know, if you are doing “some contract work,” you are already doing the business of private practice. It may not be how you want your practice to look in the end, but technically it is you working for yourself. You do sound like you are juggling a lot of things right now. I always forget that you are still working on that Ph.D.
Funkytown! I love this! You, of course were probably joking but . . . let’s just say it would make your practice memorable!
This is a great topic, Tamara and timely for me. Like you, I am on Linkedin quite a bit and whenever anybody asks a question in the forums and if I feel I have an answer and that it is helpful, I’ll throw my 2 cents in. Recently, a few therapists asked for information on how to apply for a certain position and I posted a website listing where they could do this, it was a concrete answer and not very controversial (so I thought). However, a few hours later I received a very snide and sarcastic email remark by another therapist (someone I didn’t know and never corresponded with). I thought to myself, why would you want to represent yourself to another colleague this way, no matter how frustrating you may be feeling at that moment?? I can’t imagine ever recommending this “colleague” to anyone or even paying attention to anything they may post or discuss.
This reminds me of the old Dave Chappelle skits, when “keeping it real goes horribly wrong”:
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/780208/
Hi, Aaron! Welcome back!
Thanks so much for providing a great example of those stories mattering! LinkedIn and Facebook are really good places to watch bad stories play out over and over again. (Perhaps I should host a contest to see who can collect the most bad stories from those sites. Hmmmm. I’ll have to think about that one!) And, the sad thing is that those spaces are equally great at collecting the good stories! It’s just a matter of choosing what stories you put out there. “Garbage in . . . garbage out,” right?
When therapists fail to look at their own issues, often stories with unintended consequences get told. The clinical hour is impacted . . . but so is the business of building and attracting ideal clients. Not sure of the stories you are telling? Find the colleagues that you trust most and ask them to help you figure out what your stories are.. It could be the difference between fostering loyalty among referral sources and clients OR it could be the loss of collegial respect and clients showing up. In Aaron’s example, I heard two stories . . . one of a colleague who took time to share information and a different story of a colleague who made a series of poor choices.
Does anyone remember my post back in May about tending your digital footprint?
I think a contest would be brilliant, Tamara! As Catherine Aird stated: “If you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to serve as a horrible warning.”
Hahaha! OK, I’m in the mood for a contest! Let me see what I can dream up for you guys!
Great post and comments! Whenever I start to hear myself falling into the “Yes, but” trap or choosing to focus on the negative aspects of the profession (or life in general) I ask myself, “Would I want to see me for counseling?!” If the answer is “No!” then I know I need to take a moment to reflect and readjust. Sometimes taking a moment to reflect on three positives is enough to jog the better half of my brain into gear. I think it’s particularly important in this line of work to plug into resources that help ground and refresh us – and to be aware of when it might be time to become a client ourselves.
Deanna! I love that little question! That’s a perfect nudge to clean up my stories! Thanks so much for sharing it! And, your other nudge – to get our own butts in to the therapy chair . . . . THANK YOU! In the three years I’ve been blogging here, only you and one other therapist – I think – have had the wisdom and the courage to acknowledge that we all can benefit from a “tune-up” from time to time. And, I might add that now is as good a time as any!