True confession . . . out of the many identities that each one of us wears, one of the ones I struggle most with is that of physical disabilities. Age, sexual orientation, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, . . . I’m sure I still have stretching and growing to do there, too. But, the one that really does make my stomach churn and tie up my tongue the most is that of physical disability. It is my own unearned privileges related to physical health and abilities that gets in my way more often than not and prevents me from seeing (or even thinking about) power differences related to physical ability.
So it is with this knowledge of this particular pair of blinders that I have been looking for those of you in our field who might be comfortable enough to educate me and the rest of us need to learn to “see” differently and understand the many faces and ways that physical disabilities impact our work as mental health providers.
This is one conversation that is long overdue here on Private Practice from the Inside Out and in the broader community, too. About 2 years ago Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg, LPC, started showing up here in our online community sharing bits and pieces of her own struggles in service to support others therapists who are dealing with their own losses, challenges, and triumphs. When she mentioned her own physical challenges, I invited her to kick off this conversation and I am delighted that she agreed to do so. Please join me today in welcoming Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg, LPC.
(If you are interested in writing a guest post, check out the guidelines here.)
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A Guest Post by Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg, LPC
“I’m so tired near the end of the day that I wonder if I’m cheating my clients.” My friend and fellow therapist Deborah took another sip of her latte.
“I understand,” another friend, Teresa responded. “I had to scale back last month. I was feeling exhausted and burned out.”
Three of us were sitting across from each other at our favorite breakfast spot.
This was a time for us to do case consultation and support each other in our work and personal lives.
The topic of the morning was how we felt at the end of the day.
Each of us, in one form or another, had chronic illness or pain.
Linda’s Story
My own story began almost fifteen-years-ago after a fall down a flight of stairs left me with a broken neck.
Once recovered, I decided it was time to go back to school and fulfill a dream I had carried in my heart since I was in my twenties.
I wanted to become a psychotherapist! I was fifty-one years old.
After four years of hard work and babying my neck and upper back, I graduated with a B.A. in Psychology.
Grad school here I come!
Only there was one slight roadblock . . . .
An Impossible Recovery
The month before I was to start my program, I was diagnosed with what two neurosurgeons called an “inoperable” brain tumor.
Thankfully I found a skilled brain surgeon in Los Angeles, California, and on October 16, 2006 I made it through a very risky six-hour brain surgery.
I woke up with permanent deafness in my left ear, my pupil in my left eye almost touched my nose, and I saw double of everything.
I couldn’t walk and I had terrible tinnitus.
After four days in I.C.U., my husband and I flew home for a long recovery – a very long three-year recovery.
And, Then It Was Time to Get Busy
But here I was, lying in bed all day long. What’s a girl to do?
I hatched a plan, of course!
I would get my masters degree online while lying in bed!
Soon textbooks arrived and with a newly purchased laptop I got to work.
While wearing a patch over one eye I was able to hold the textbooks about three inches away from my face and read.
Recovery
It took me almost as long to recover from brain surgery as it did to graduate with a CACREP accredited degree in Mental Health Counseling.
As I progressed through my program, I regained much of my sight, was able to walk again without help, and with each passing year my balance and fatigue level improved.
After graduation I worked for two years at an agency servicing abused and neglected children and adolescents and earning my 3000 hours for licensing.
It was extremely difficult.
I pushed myself beyond my limits at times. But there was something inside me that wouldn’t give up.
The Challenge of Living with Disabilities
I am now in private practice, but I live with disabilities and challenges.
I developed several autoimmune system diseases due to trauma to the nervous system in the aftermath of brain surgery.
Fatigue is always a problem.
I have gastroparesis flare-ups, a condition that is caused from paralysis of the vagus nerve that runs from my brain to my stomach.
I break out in canker sores in my mouth and throat if I let myself get too stressed or tired.
I have sleep apnea and have to wear a CPAP mask at night.
It’s during these times I feel like someone really pulled the plug.
And chronic pain from the old neck injury is always something to deal with.
Invisible Disabilities
One of the hardest things about having chronic illness is that most of the time, I don’t look sick or in pain at all.
I enjoy my work and I am able to engage with people in and outside of my office in a way that belies my condition.
But it leaves me with a feeling that people do not understand when I have to say no to extra activities.
As I try to explain, I always wonder if it sounds like an excuse.
After all, maybe a new friend has never heard me complain before.
Or, when I hang my handicap placard on my rear view mirror and walk into a store, I wonder if people think I am using my mother’s card in order to get a close parking space.
How could they know that I only have so many steps a day before I can no longer walk, or that I cannot carry a half gallon of milk back to my car without setting my neck pain in motion?
In fact, a few weeks ago my husband and I were scolded in a movie store for “using the system.”
I simply explained and told him I understood how he could come to that conclusion and he apologized (profusely).
Taking Personal Responsibility
But there are things I do to take control of my life in order to make sure I can do the work I love for as long as I want to.
I have become very good at pacing myself and setting boundaries.
I work three days a week only . . . and I am off early on Wednesdays.
I still manage to see 18-20 clients a week including leading two DBT Skills Groups.
This gives me four solid days to recover and have fun.
If I am really overly fatigued, I take naps during the weekends.
I eat well, juice, and drinking smoothies in the morning.
I have gotten over much of my fatigue by taking vitamins daily.
The Need for Self Care
In the book, You Don’t Look Sick! Living Well with Invisible Chronic Illness, Dr. Steven Overman has some helpful advice. This is his personal list:
- Be grateful, especially for family; create ways to be together and express my love.
- Laugh more, especially at myself.
- Give my gifts while pursuing my dreams.
- Ask more questions; every person is my teacher.
- Honor those whose shoulders I stand on; create daily reminders and tell more stories.
- Pursue spiritual growth return to my Quaker roots with Richard Foster’s Celebration of Discipline.
- Cook more for others; then spend more time at the kitchen table.
- Push the limits, just some of the time.
- Remember always, what is –IS!
I especially love the last two.
It’s a Balancing Act
I push my limit when I am willing to go through the pain and tiredness for the joy doing something will bring me.
And accepting my limitations and learning to work through them has given me the chance to have a career I used to only dream about.
I also accept that others may not understand what I am dealing with, and give them the grace I desire for myself.
What about you? Do you face chronic pain or illness and wonder how you will make it through the day? Do you have any hints or tips for the rest of us? Do you have any questions for me? Share in the comments below. I will checking in often.
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About the Author: Linda Lochridge Hoenigsberg is an author, licensed therapist, and certified in Dialectical Behavior Therapy. She lives in the Rocky Mountains of Montana with her husband Tom and their Goldendoodle Emma.
Thank you for your post. You are not alone, I also have several chronic conditions that I deal with daily, you can not tell by looking at me. I am just at the beginning of my practice but I am working on setting limits with amount of time worked and lessening the stress (which is always a battle). Hang in there, it sounds like you are doing great and I’m sure your clients are blessed to have you 🙂
Elizabeth, thank you so much for dropping in today to chat! I am especially appreciative of you and Linda referencing invisible illnesses. It is something that I had never considered until recent years. For those of us practicing in mental health or practice without those conditions, I think it is easy to overlook the pervasiveness and the consequences of living with these. Your willingness to note them is a small reminder that we can all do better.
I hope you will be back often, Elizabeth, to join the conversations and to help us not “forget” the privileges and the responsibilities that come with striving to be more culturally aware of all circumstances that enter our clients’, our colleagues’, and our own lives.
Hi Tamara and ev everybody! I have been traveling today…on the road…trying to listen to Siri tell me how to drive the San Francisco freeways (yikes!). But I am now ensconced in a hotel room and loving seeing all the comments! I will continue to check and and stay part of this conversation. I think it’s an important one.
Thanks so much, Linda! I appreciate you staying involved.
And, San Francisco! How fabulous for you! I hope you make it to Little Italy to eat at The Stinking Rose! It’s a real treat!
Hi Elizabeth….thank you so much for commenting! I have been traveling today and am just now able to enjoy all the comments. Setting limits for myself has been very important. Every time I feel a little more energy I am tempted to add more clients. When I do that, I end up paying the price. Figuring that out at the beginning will be very helpful to you, Elizabeth. Thanks again!
It just goes to show you never know what someone else is facing. I appreciate reading your life experience and focusing on how the appearance of health can be a blind spot in offering support to those that don’t look sick.
Hi, Pat! Welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out! “. . . A blind spot!” Yes! That’s exactly what that is for me! Thank you for putting that into such simple terms!
I hope you’ll be back here often to join our conversations!
Hi Pat. It is something I am more aware of now that I experience it. A few weeks ago someone made a snide remark about me using a handicap placard. I told him I understood how it must look to him since he cannot see my disabilities, but please be mindful that there are those of us who can walk but who cannot walk very far, or who cannot carry anything. He humbly apologized. I think this may be a place where educating others may be helpful. Not sure how to go about that. Thanks again, Pat!
Linda, I so appreciate your willingness to educate others. I don’t know how many years I spent glaring at people parking in handicap spaces who were seemingly “ok.” In hindsight, clearly I was the one who was likely out of line.
HI Linda:
I loved your piece, your strength in vulnerability, and your compassionate response to someone who was not being compassionate to you. I bet he will carry that forward in a positive way. It reminded me of a great story. My aunt had cancer 3 times in her life, the first time in her mid twenties, then in her thirties, and again in her late forties. The third time got her. She was nothing if not full of a lot of smarts, (and it must be said, piss and vinegar.) Someone once gave her slack for parking in a handicapped spot, and she turned around and said, “I have CANCER, do you mind?” HA! I love that story! She could be way too much, and your response was far more effective, but I think more of us could do with her self-possession.
In regards to your chronic health issues, I had an acoustic neuroma removed in 2004, which also left me deaf in one ear, and with a couple of nuisance type issues, but luckily for me, nothing serious or ongoing besides the adjustments with being deaf in one ear and occasional balance stuff. I remember the recovery all too well, though, the dizziness, the fatigue, etc. I know some of what you deal with daily and I really applaud your words about self-care and setting SMART limits, because ailments or not, we all have a limit, and if you want to run this career as a marathon and not a sprint, you have to respect them!
Many thanks for sharing so much wisdom.
All the Best,
Amy
“. . . if you want to run this career as a marathon and not a sprint, you have to respect . . . ” the limits! Love this! Great therapists always know their limits and keep pushing their edges! I’m going to be quoting YOU, Amy Maricle!
Amy….I love that story about your aunt. She sounds like she was feisty (in a great way)! I loved your quote too…it’s all a matter of balance. Sometimes it’s like we are on a runaway horse…just hanging on for dear life. Then we realize we actually have the reigns in our own hands. Thanks for your comment. It was awesome!
Hi Linda,
I think about these things nearly every time I pull up to a handicap parking space and place my placard up…
Some days, I can get out of my car and walk faster than usual, other days, it is a challenge just to get out of the car and begin the walking process.
It is so easy for one’s who have not experienced these invisible conditions, to think everything is OK. Maybe we are violating the use of a placard, because it happens to be a good day. I hope your article brings more awareness to others regarding this matter.
God Bless,
Jean 🙂
Hi, Jean! Welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out! I don’t really know what the rules are for using those handicap placards and, now that I think about it . . . It’s not really any of my business, is it?! Sometimes gifts come in ugly packages so I’m thinking if you have a placard that you can use in your car and feel like skipping into the grocery store, go for it! I’m happy you have some good days.:)
Unearned privilege. It comes with blinders and costs us all in different ways. Blessings to you on your journey, Jean!
Hey, Jean – I just noticed that you don’t have a little picture of you showing up next to your comment. Those little pictures are called gravatars and here’s how you can set on up for yourself. It’s easy and free to do. How a Tiny Little Picture of You Can Drive Traffic to Your Website
Thanks for sharing your story, Linda. You are an inspiration to me! Each life you impact is blessed to have you, and your life experiences and insightful perspective will serve you well as you reach out to others.
Best regards,
Patricia
Patricia, it’s so helpful to bloggers in general but especially for guest bloggers to “hear” that their posts are well-received. Thank you for letting Linda and me both know that you appreciate this.
I hope you will be back often to join the conversations here at Private Practice from the Inside Out!
Thanks so much Patricia! I appreciate that and you inspire me too.
Linda, no matter how many times I hear your story it always humbles and encourages me. I have been sick with bronchitis this week and it gives me a new understanding of how courageous you are in pursuing your dreams. I am feeling less able for a few weeks…for you this is every day of living your dreams and helping people. What an incredible message. You truly have a mission to help others. Thank you Linda, and thanks Tamara for sharing this guest post!
Hi, Stephanie! Thanks so much for dropping in today! I hope you are feeling better soon!
And, yes, Linda! Thank you, thank you for sharing your story and your courage with my readers. As you can see from the conversation here, therapists are hungry to bring chronic health and disabilities out of the closet. These are discussions that we need to be having . . . and images that we need to see. I’m honored to have your voice here.
Hi Stephanie! I’m so happy to see you over here! It is really hard for me to reschedule clients when I am not doing well, but sometimes, that is the best thing we can do for them and for ourselves! I am sure I will see you around the net a lot! :o). Linda
Yes! Thank you for this. I have an autoimmune disease that is teaching me to slow down. I am truly learning to be more and accept what IS. The fatigue, the unknown, the disappointment…it can all mount at times, so I am reaching out, getting support, and saying no to more things in order to have more space for rest. You are such an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your courage and tenacity!
Lanie, I so appreciate you taking the time to put another “face” on these often invisible diseases. Thank you. (Here’s how you, Patricia, Pat, Mary, Elizabeth, and Terri can get . . . A Tiny Picture of You – a Gravatar – to show up next to your comments here and on other blogs you comment on, too.)
So . . . I wonder what is the one thing that has been your biggest challenge related to your health as a mental health professional; and, . . . What has been the biggest help to you?
Hi Lanie! I think the MOST important thing is to accept where we are at when we experience illness or disabilities and continue to do what we can do while keeping that balance. Pushing ourselves too hard will only limit us. Listening to our body and giving it rest and nourishment will allow us to do more and be more. Thanks for entering in to the conversation!
Oh boy did this post speak to me today!! I have had an ongoing battle with health issues since I was 17 (I’m now 43). Having two rare diseases that are autoimmune in nature, the energy to get through my days in sometimes simply non-existent. During grad school 7 years ago I have no idea how I got through classes, a PT job and a 30 hour a week internship. I gained 60 pounds in 5 months and was so exhausted I could barely manage to make it to the end of the day. I discovered I had a dual-secreting pituitary tumor which was causing mild acromegaly (due excess growth hormone) as well as issues with prolactin.
I have a very, very long recovery from surgery in 2011 and had to put my life (and plans for a private practice) on hold for a couple of years. Now I am finally cultivating a private practice and obtaining my hours for licensure in a new state. I love what I do and am incredibly passionate about the population I serve (Tran* and Gender Variant folks) but lately I have been battling sever fatigue and brain fog all over again, and wonder if I should keep my practice to 2-3 days for now. At the same time, I don’t want to stop it from growing as I rely on these hours for licensure and income, not to mention I work with an incredibly undeserved population and there are so few therapists who are Gender Specialists in my area (SW FL).
I agree with self-care being absolutely crucial to all therapists of course, but particularly to those of use who do have health concerns. It’s so important to put ourselves first on our list, which can be tough in our line of work! I also thinks it can make us much more emphathetic and sensitive to clients who are suffering with similar issues.
I’m sure many have seen this but it bears repeating:
http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/
Thanks again for this blog – it’s such a wonderful resource! 🙂
Heather! Welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out and thank you for speaking up today about your own challenges. I can only imagine the courage and fortitude that you must have to reach out to others while “protecting your spoons.” The Spoon Theory was new for me and I’m happy to pass it along.
I hope you will be back often to join in the discussions here. Your voice is needed.
Hi Heather,
I still remember the years following brain surgery and wondering how I would ever make it through to licensing. It did require a lot of perseverance but it can be done. Sometimes, just accepting limits is key. I do keep my practice to 3 days a week. If I didn’t, I think I would burn out sooner and not be able to help anyone. You may need to sleep on days off or really curtail activities until you are through with your licensing. Whatever works for you. Thank you for that link..I’m not sure if I have seen it!
This reminds me . . . . Somewhere along the way I saw research that says that rather than having ultimate freedom, it is often constraints and limitations that facilitate more creativity. “. . . Accepting limits is key.”
Linda,
Thank you for sharing your story. You are amazing! I appreciate your willingness to share with strangers.
Hi, Kimberly! Thanks for dropping back in today! I’ve missed your voice here.
Thanks Kimberly! Sometimes strangers become friends! :o)
Linda, Thank you for the sharing and the reminders. Tamara, thank you for the community. It’s lovely. I want to say that with the self reflection and careful attention to self care and energy management, therapists that have their own struggles make better clinicians. It is evident, Linda, that you are clearly an example. I’m reminded of a time a year and a half ago when I was struggling terribly with a personal issue. A friend of mine asked me how it was to work with clients. I confidently replied that I thought I was better. More able to meet my clients in vulnerable places. More compassionate. More present (even though it took energy to bring myself there).
Thank you for the inspiration and the validation that we therapists are human, too.
Lisa
Hi Lisa…I agree. My own struggles have made me more empathic with my clients, and I certainly understand their struggles. Even personal issues can make us feel fragile and need of rest. It’s important to take the time we need while continuing meet our clients needs as much as possible. Thank you so much for commenting!
Linda, Thank you for letting us see a window into what life is like for you. I admire your courage. It seems as though you know your own limits, and while this is important for every therapist, that concept may hold different meaning for you.
As someone who has a very visible physical disability, I must say that I have always been impressed by the fact that the clients usually don’t seem to mind that I have some physical challenges. The adaptations in sessions that physically affect clients are very minimal (for instance, if I print a psychoeducational handout for them during session, I just ask them to get it from the printer). Some clients will ask questions about what my disability is or a few other small questions. I will occasionally ask client if they would like to know why I am in a wheelchair if it seems like they are wanting to ask, but I usually wait for them to ask. The kids also tend to have a few questions about whether I go to bed or how I eat. I don’t have any problem with addressing those questions and I think addressing them quickly takes the focus off of me and puts it back on the client. Oh, I do also warn my clients that I have to talk to my computer to make it work if I’m getting something for them so they are not concerned about what is happening there.
I get an incredible amount of fulfillment through my work as a therapist. Have you noticed that working as a therapist also contributes to your positive outlook about your own challenges?
Hi, Lauren! Thanks so much for dropping in this evening and sharing with us about the challenges of having a very visible disability. The questions your clients are asking are likely to be questions that many of your colleagues here have as well so I appreciate you teaching us, too!
Hi Lauren. What an inspiration you are! I have noticed that my work as a therapist keeps me working harder to have a positive outlook regarding my own challenges. I have always been a positive person, but I will be honest and say that this brain surgery thing and the chronic pain have kept me on my positivity toes! But when I hear about the challenges my clients are going through, I am grateful for my life and how far I have come. I also know that if I go down, so will my clients, so, if I recognize that I am getting discouraged, I use the same techniques I teach them, such as gratitude and being mindful, as well as self-care, to bring me back on track. Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you, Linda, for sharing your story. I can relate to so much of it. As a Transformation Life Coach and Spiritual Director specializing in trauma healing, I also have overcome much and must give great care to give my body, mind, and spirit to do the work I do. I was severely abused as a child and must continue my own journey, in addition to having several physical challenges, too. I love the list you ended with and think I must make one of my own! It encourages me to know that I am in good company. Learning how to live well through adversity is a skill we must hone and then can model it for those who may need a picture of thriving in difficult circumstances.
Hi, Misa! Welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out! Thanks for dropping in this evening to chat. Your last sentence really speaks volumes about your motivation and your optimism.
I hope you will be back often to join the conversations here!
Hi Misa. I know what you mean. It REALLY helps me to know that I am in good company with other sufferers. We give each other strength for the journey. I agree with you. Learning to live with adversity is a skill and it must be honed. When I feel like I have taken some steps backward, I just pick myself up and start again. Take good care of you!
As an older therapist who limits herself to two long (non-continguous) days a week because of age and health conditions, I appreciate this post. There is a lot that is important in both the post and the replies. One word which I’ve found especially important, especially since I’ve had a recent injury, is “prioritize!” It may have been implied by many, but I didn’t notice it spelled out in this thread so far. Our clients hold first place in our working world, of course, but which tasks or focuses are the ones which are critical and which can wait or slide on occasion? Determining that has been very helpful for me.
Hi Susan. You are absolutely right about prioritizing…even when it comes to our clients. There have been times I have finished a day or a week in pain or feeling poorly because the clients left waiting need to see me as soon as possible. Other times, I have cancelled a group or a client who can easily wait a week. Balancing your clients and your own priorities is so important. Thanks for pointing that out!
So,Linda, how do you (and others) successfully balance those client- therapist priorities? Got any tips or benchmarks to share?
Susan, I agree about prioritizing and while I think this is important for any therapist – and probably anyone, no matter their profession – it’s even more crucial for those of us who need to take into account our physical capabilities. Thanks for spelling it out. That just highlights the importance of prioritizing!
I totally agree Lauren. Sometimes I think we want to save the world…we cannot even save ourselves or our clients. All we can do is guide. I am reminded of the analogy of listening to a flight attendant explain why we need to put the oxygen mask on ourselves first, then help others. We also need to take care of ourselves first, then we have the energy and rested mind and emotions that can offer help to others.
Love this analogy, Linda!
I know, right? :o)
I like the flight attendant metaphor as well. It reminds me of something that I use every day as a counselor – what I call my reset button. This is a thought or mental image that I can have for a few seconds in between sessions. This can be a good way of shifting gears between clients who are very different. Of course, that’s pretty much every client. 🙂
Hi Lauren. I LOVE that idea! Thanks for sharing it! 🙂
Oooh, Lauren! I love this, too! Can you please say more about this?
Because this is such an ingrained part of what I do, I’m not sure what more there really is to say, but maybe this will help. If you want more information about something specific, let me know.
Sometimes I have absolutely no break between clients (sometimes for three or four in a row – and occasionally more). I work in a community counseling agency where we schedule people every 45 minutes because the no-show rate is very high. This can mean that I can transition from somebody with debilitating depression to a client with significant panic attacks to a child with difficulty focusing and a 30-second attention span in the space of a little more than 90 minutes.
It helps me to think of something that gives me a lot of comfort and safety in between sessions. It also functions as a way of transitioning from one client to another. The best metaphor I can think of is if you are trying different foods at a fine restaurant, sometimes they will use sorbet to cleanse the palate. Taking just a few seconds to think of my best friend, for example, will put a smile on my face, seemingly lighten the intensity of what I have just heard and/or felt) and refocus me.
I want to clarify that this does not change the intensity of what I feel the client has been through, but helps me to set aside my own emotional reactions (that the client doesn’t see) that I have not yet had a chance to process (I also think that it shortens the amount of time that it takes for me to process the most difficult sessions). Also, this is useful in between almost any sessions, not just the most intense ones. Each client is usually a different age, has a different cognitive level, presenting problem, or any other of myriad of unique elements. After all, this is what makes us all individuals. This is my way of moving from one session into the next.
Also keep in mind that I have used different types of meditation/imagery in my personal life for at least a decade, so this idea that this works for me in just a few seconds probably won’t work for everyone right away. It’s kind of like cue-controlled relaxation at the end of progressive muscle relaxation.
I LOVE this. Thank you so much for sharing this Lauren!
Lauren, thank you so much for sharing more about how you use visual imagery to reset and check yourself. This is such a simple, elegant, and efficient way to emotionally and physically monitor and adjust your own well-being! And, you’re right – the more the you practice meditation or imagery, the more easily accessible those “resets” are. It’s important to note that while most of us are able to access visual imagery, this type of reset is equally effective with auditory or olfactory imagery.
Thanks, Lauren, for sharing a great way to maximize our own well-being while helping our clients do the same! I so appreciate your voice consistently showing up in this community to share what you know and to support others here, too.
Hi, Susan! Thanks for dropping in to extend this conversation. It’s such an important one that is often gleaned skipped over. Your reference to aging is another entirely different angle that is relevant to this discussion, isn’t it?
Your point about prioritizing is right on except that I would say that it’s critical to prioritize yourself first rather than your clients. Fortunately, we don’t often have to make that choice at our client’s expense; however, I believe that if you don’t take care of you first, there may be none of you left to take care of your clients. It’s like parenting . . . . If a parent isn’t maintaining his / her own health and sanity, the children suffer. So do our clients . . . whether we recognize it or not.
The advantage of being a counselor with chronic pain/illness issues is that you know first hand how pain can affect personality. The most cheery, optimistic person can be ground down by chronic pain.
The ability to offer patience, understanding, and joyfully live within one’s limits comes from that personal knowledge. You can offer guidelines for courage, resilience, and adaptability from a deep resonance. Clients are an inspiration because they take us out of our pain by focusing on how to help them through their issues.
Burnout comes from not listening to our own boundaries and limits. The ability to rejuvenate through giving only works if you have an understanding support system -people who get it when you are too drained to show up and need extra rest time.
Having a scaled-back schedule can sometimes be financially scary, but being a living example of balance through life’s challenges is worth the dance. That’s my take on it from having been there, done that. Thank you for your inspiring story.
Joy, I love that you said “Burnout comes from not listening to our own boundaries and limits!” It so true! It’s not about working with “big, bad managed care” or “resistant clients” or even working in “an agency that abuses us.” Instead, it’s about our own willingness, wisdom, and courage to recognize our individual limits and establish our own healthy boundaries that honor who we are – limitations and all.
Thank you for joining in the conversation today and stating this so clearly. I hope you will be back often to join us here at Private Practice from the Inside Out.
Joy…what a great comment! You are so right about clients taking us out of our own pain. I find that all the time. Sometimes a client walks out the door and I think, “Ow…I didn’t realize I was in pain!” I also loved what you wrote about burnout. I think we need to take more responsibility for it and blame our environment less. Thanks Joy!
Linda, you have no idea how timely this message is for me. Like you I returned to school at a later age to earn my Masters in Counseling. I have always loved learning, and even chose to get separate specializations in Wellness and Complimentary and Integrative Medicine. I had no idea that six months after graduation I would have to apply to myself all that I had learned over the past three years.
In January of this year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wondered how could this be part of the plan. I listened to God. I knew I was meant to not only become a counselor, but to open my own practice as well. This was supposed to be my time. I had already committed to an office space. I had no time for cancer.
Funny how all those “shoulds” and “have to’s” fade away when you are faced with a cancer diagnosis. The past six months have been filled with tests, agonizing decision making, surgery, treatments, and physical therapy.
In the midst of all of the doing of cancer I never lost site of what I felt called to do. I moved forward with my plans to open my own practice. I created my logo just three days post surgery. I developed forms, business cards, brochures, and a marketing kit (thanks in great part to this website). I met with accountants, attorneys, and other business professionals.
I am pleased to say that I was able to open the doors just one month behind schedule thanks to the loving support of friends and family. But now that treatment has been completed and doctors visits are not as frequent, I must begin the most difficult part of my cancer journey – survivorship.
I never understood until now what it means to live with chronic illness and pain. The fear of recurrence lives at the back of your mind all the time. I have learned so much more about self care and wellness than I could have ever learned in a text book.
I understand that I need to take things slow. I must build the practice at a gradual pace that feels comfortable for me and my wellbeing, so that I can be the best I can for my clients.
I am so grateful for what I have learned from this site, and I cannot believe that just when I am having a discouraging day I am lifted by the stories of so many therapists dealing with much of the same issues that I am experiencing as a result of my cancer.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Susan, thank you for taking time today to drop in and share your journey. Yours, too, is an inspiring story of promise, commitment, and priorities. I am so happy that we can support you even as you reach out to support others.
Wishing you a meaningful and gentle recovery.
I hope you will drop back in often to join the conversations here at Private Practice from the Inside Out.
Susan…reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I understand so well what you are experiencing. I want you to know that as time goes by you have more and more days when you don’t remember you are a survivor. I felt as you do, that God called me to do something and therefore he would see me through it. Take it easy and rest assured that you will accomplish all he has for you. Thanks so much for sharing your story here! It’s a wonderful, safe place.
Hey, Susan, here’s How a Tiny Little Picture Of You Can Drive Traffic to Your Website. (It’s a tutorial for how to set up a gravatar to show up beside your comments on blogs.)
Linda,
This was a post that expressed such grace, strength, and determination. Thank you for sharing this story! What struck me most was just how much love you have for others even when they question your pain and limitations. Your true determination struck a cord with me, the determination in me really appreciates the determination in you 🙂
Thank you,
Lily
Hey, Lily! Thanks so much for dropping in here tonight to join the conversation! “. . . the determination in me really appreciates the determination in you.” That’s such a lovely thing to say! I hope to find your voice back here often!
And, by the way I just noticed that you don’t have a little photo of you that shows up with your comments here (and on other blogs, too). They are called “gravatars.” Using a gravatar helps others get to know and trust you quicker.
Here’s a link to a quick tutorial that shows you how to set up your own gravatar . (Don’t worry! It’s so easy that even I could do it and it’s absolutely FREE!)
Thanks for the tip Tamara! I will give it a go now 🙂
I will be back and hopefully as a guest writer one day!
Warmly,
Lily A. Zehner, DHS, MA
Looking forward to it, Lily! I LOVE that I can SEE YOU! I see you !! Happy to entertain your submissions for the blog carnival and / or a guest post down the road! Send ’em in!
Tamara,
I am working on my submission for the blog carnival as we speak 🙂
Thanks for the encouragement!
Lily A. Zehner, DHS, MA
Excellent, Lily! Looking forward to it!
I ran across this post and thought you might find it useful – 8 Extraordinary Things You Need to Know About People With Chronic Illness
And, I also ran across this post – The Struggle to Balance Between Resting and Using Energy When You’re Chronically Sick