Life Happens
I was 33 years of age when my partner died unexpectedly.
A few years ago, I had a colleague here in Colorado whose partner was in a serious biking accident that left him a with quadriplegia.
During this last year, another colleague’s wife died from cancer.
And, I’m sad to say that last month one of my e-friends and colleagues has sent a letter to the online discussion list we both follow.
His cancer has now metastasized to the extent that he is closing his practice.
We Don’t Always See It Coming
Psychotherapists’ families get sick and die.
We don’t like to think about it.
We certainly don’t like to talk about it.
And, even when we see it coming, it can still catch us off guard.
Our clients, of course, go through similar situations.
We all do.
Here are two resources that I have found useful during stressful and life-altering times:
Caring Bridge is a non-profit organization that provides “the privacy you choose” by providing free space online for your “caring community” i.e. “direct caretakers, family and friends, frequent visitors, and well-wishers from far and wide” to connect during times of critical and chronic health occurrences.
Meal Train is another free service.
It provides an online, customizable meal scheduler that allows you to organize food being brought in to an individual or family.
New babies, illness or surgeries, military deployment, and condolences are just some of the occasions when this service comes in handy.
As mental health providers, we ought to be taking care of ourselves at least as well as we take care of our clients.
If you can’t ask for what you want and need, you can’t teach your clients to ask for what they want and need.
I’m hoping these can support you and your clients on your journeys.
If you know of other free or low-cost resources that can support therapists or clients during times of need, feel free to leave them below.
And, if you’ve ever participated in a Caring Bridge or Meal Train, please take a minute to share your experience with us.
These are great resources Tamara. A few weeks ago a client had a medical test that he was worried about. As he left my office I wondered what I would do to help him if the tests came back as he feared. I tried to think of community service and forgot all about the online service Caring Bridge provides. I have not heard of Meal Train and I’m glad you included that. Thankfully, his test results were negative. Thanks for all you do!
Good morning, Linda! Thanks for dropping in today!
A dear friend went through cancer treatment with her precious grandson recently. Thank God he is in remission. The website you mentioned, Caring Bridge, has been a wonderful way for all of us to stay connected and get regular updates from the little guy’s Mom. And my friend shared that reading responses from family and friends, often at night from the side of his hospital bed, was a tremendous encouragement to her and the family. So yes… I know what a great impact this can have on a family, to build community and support. Great post, Tamara! Thanks for sharing.
Hi, Patricia! And, welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out! Thanks for sharing your experience with Caring Bridge. Sending good thoughts to your friend and her grandson’s family!
Lotsa Helping Hands has been used by a few people I know to set up schedules for visitors, food, playdates, etc to help out with not just losses, but also other life-events such as births. People can post messages, requests for help, and more. They also have an app, which makes it even more convenient.
Hi, Melanie! I’m so glad to find your voice here! Thanks so much for sharing this resource. I hope you’ll drop back in again to chat here at Private Practice from the Inside Out!
I’d like to say that Caring Bridge has been an extraordinary resource for myself personally as well as my clients.
In the last several years, 2 of my colleagues used Caring Bridge as a way to allow former clients to access their treatment progress and (in one case) end of life activities and reflections. Initially, I was aghast at the opening into the counselors’ personal life. But, as time went along, I began to see the Caring Bridge as a sensitive invitation for the counselors’ clients to have access to important information and process. While there is much consideration to be made regarding privacy access, dual relationships, etc. I think that each of these counselors made wise choices in how they included former clients in their process.
Thank you, Tamara, for this forum.
Lisa
Hi, Lisa! And, welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out! I’m so glad that you took time this morning to share this particular set of experiences with Caring Bridge. These are the conversations and considerations that often get overlooked in our graduate (and even post-graduate) trainings and yet are so critical to our clinical work.
You’re right, there are choices to be made on a daily basis related to our boundaries with our clients. And, most often those choices fall into the gray rather than black and white choices – with multiple right and multiple wrong ways of doing things. How lovely that your colleagues found ways to get comfortable with their own journeys and figured out how to reach out to their clients, too.
I hadn’t thought of Caring Bridge in just this way until you brought it up. However, my first partner’s therapist lost her husband to suicide many years ago. I still remember how difficult it was for my partner – as a client – worrying about her newly widowed therapist and there being no real way to know how she (the therapist) was doing, how to express sympathy and support, or how to do anything “for” her. This incident happened back in the 1990’s and pre-internet.
I can’t imagine being in that therapist’s shoes and I have no idea what I might really want or need in such a difficult time; however, I do know that as mental health professionals, it is incumbent upon us to consider those possibilities and how our personal lives will, from time to time, possibly impact our client’s lives . . . and how to mitigate any negative impacts.
Your colleagues’ choices to use Caring Bridge seem like thoughtful and caring ones that might allow them to acknowledge to their clients, families, and loved ones that therapists, too, have difficult situations that they have to navigate.
Thanks so much for expanding this conversation, Lisa! It’s a pleasure to have you in this community!
Hi Tamara,
As mental health professionals it is often easier for us to help our clients deal with loss than it is to help ourselves. I think you nailed when you said we don’t like to think about it, of course neither does anyone else. Like others, I have had a couple experiences with Caring Bridge and found that is was such a great resource.
Hi, Jodi! Thank you so much for taking time to drop in today and letting us know that you’ve had positive experiences with Caring Bridge!
Take Them a Meal is also a good, free resource for coordinating meals for people.
Kimberly! Thank you so much for sharing this resource! I just checked out their website and especially loved all the blog posts with ideas about how to help like 6 Creative and Practical Ways to Help and Ideas for a Chemo Care Package. When we (or our clients) are caught off guard in life-altering circumstances, we often “forget” or just don’t know how to help. By bookmarking these resources, both we and our clients can be better-prepared to face some of the difficult jolts on our journeys.
While I don’t have experience with any of the websites listed here, I think this discussion is very important. While I know it’s not possible to prepare for everything, it’s crucial to have a wide variety of resources available. With as far-reaching as the sites seem to be, this just shows the power of knowing that you have support and are not alone with whatever you are facing.
Lauren, welcome back! I’ve missed your voice here!
Thanks for this post, Tamara. Though I’ve had three experiences with people I’ve known sharing through Caring Bridge, somehow I never thought about it as a resource that might be appropriate to give to certain clients.
Through Caring Bridge I’ve had the opportunity to journey with those who were geographically too distant to encourage through words, or even informed personal prayer for them where appropriate: a heart transplant recipient, a fellow professional’s death, and the earliest and most challenging years of a tiny relative.
These experiences of companioning through Caring Bridge are quite different–both for patient and invited visitors–from simply being informed of the news of someone’s illness and possible subsequent death via a single, or very occasional, notice through another form of communication.
It also feels far more intimate and protective of a very delicate time than, say, sharing through social media.
I can see possible clinical applications for sharing this site with clients or with colleagues.
Susan! I’ve missed your voice here. How are you? And, thank you for taking time to share your experiences with us. I love your language around these experiences . . . “companioning.” I suspect that while many here will be drawn to the clinical applications of Caring Bridge because of your stories, others are likely to recoil from the use of a tool that allows such an intimate journey. It’s true, though, that it does present a new set of opportunities and challenges for the therapist that chooses to use it.
Hi Tamara,
Thanks for getting this conversation started…I thought I would add some personal experience. I am the one Tamara is referring to regarding a colleague whose partner has quadriplegia. At the time of his accident we were blessed with an amazing network of friends who immediately stepped in and created a website for us through Lotsa Helping Hands.
It was so helpful to have one site to post updates on his condition and we also started a help section for people who wanted to bring food to the hospital or even do house cleaning. These sites that do this online are so invaluable because it enabled me to reach out to everyone who wanted to be included. I posted many times asking for specific thoughts and prayers and it was also so helpful to receive emails through this site.
Anyways, I am happy to share more of my experience if anyone has any questions. And I highly recommend this site to clients-although it was very helpful to have it set up by someone else and then I was able to learn how to navigate it and use it. ( I am not that tech savvy, especially during times of crisis).
I am so grateful for all the help I received and am still receiving. Although at this time, our life looks much, much different.
Thanks,
Beth
Beth, thanks so much for dropping in today and sharing your story and this resource. I know how helpless I’ve felt to help in years past when we’ve had fires and flooding just far enough away that bringing food, household goods, etc. didn’t seem possible; likewise, when your partner was injured and I didn’t know you personally, showing up with “support” seemed like it might more intrusive than supportive.
When looking at Lotsa Helping Hands just now, I noticed that they provide an opportunity for those who want to volunteer once or on an ongoing basis in local communities. I love that! To think that while I might not be able to bring a covered dish to someone who is two hours away, I could easily take a dish to a stranger in town! Love that, love that!
Thank you for taking time out of your crazy busy schedule to drop in today! Sending warm thoughts to you and your family on your journey!
SignUpGenius is another online tool that is useful when individuals need to sign up for different tasks or meals to bring to a colleague.