I first noticed Mary Reilly Mathews,
LCSWR popping up in conversations on a fairly regular basis here at Private Practice from the Inside Out about a year ago. But, it was only 5 months ago when Mary made a passing comment in response to a blog post where she referenced starting a Creativity and Camaraderie Club. That comment seemed to catch the attention and spur the curiosity of many of us.
When I read her biography on one website, I knew immediately why her comments often resonate with me. She describes herself as working at the intersection of creativity, intuition, embodied therapies, and the wisdom traditions.
In preparing for her guest post today, Mary sais “Mahatma Ghandi never belonged to a Creativity and Camaraderie Club . . . but he would want therapists to . . . .” That loaded statement alone was a good reason to have Mary join us today to share more about this idea as a support for therapists in private practice.
(If you are interested in writing a guest post, check out the guidelines here.)
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A Guest Post by Mary Reilly Mathews, LCSWR
Sharpen Your Tool
Ghandi understood that if psychotherapists want to influence others, we must first embody those hoped-for qualities in ourselves. We must practice what we preach.
Have you heard the story of the worried mother who waited on line for three days with her son to have an audience with Ghandi? When she finally was in his presence, she asked him to please, please, please tell her son to stop eating an unhealthy amount of candy. Ghandi told her to come back in two weeks.
Two weeks later, she returned, waited on line for three days, and asked once again. This time Ghandi looked at the son and said with authority “You must stop eating candy.” The son easily agreed. The mother asked, “Why couldn’t you have just told him that two weeks ago?” Ghandi’s reply? “Because I had not stopped eating candy yet myself two weeks ago. Now I have.”
YOU are the most powerful therapeutic tool in a client interaction. Do you embody a presence that inspires people to think, “I’ll have what she’s having!?”
Camraderie and Vision
Ghandi understood psychotherapists must replenish ourselves by surrounding ourselves with like-minded people who share our vision. He understood that healing does not take place, personally or collectively, in isolation.
When I was fifteen years into my private psychotherapy practice things began to feel heavy. I loved facilitating people, but I was losing steam. Of course, this also coincided with mid-life, seeing an aging mother through dementia, the empty nest, and the “mortality reality” wake up call of my husband’s cancer diagnosis. (He’s fine now.)
I needed to replenish myself badly. I needed to act to prevent burnout. I decided to give myself what I had been creating professionally for others for years – a support group based on the principles of positive psychology. I needed some fun, not analysis!
My group would emphasize the importance of regular, committed social interaction that had nothing to do with work. I started a Creativity & Camaraderie Club for myself. We have been going strong for the last five years. Wow! What an energizing experience this has been, and WOW! It’s been amazing to witness how others have “upped their ante” by:
- Experimenting with a very broad definition of creativity in six major arenas of wholehearted living “just because they felt like it”;
- Cross-pollinating each other with enthusiasm, expertise, and resources;
- Encouraging each other to play and “go for it”; and,
- Creating a rich social network based on fun, creativity and mutual support (and the pot-luck dinners are great too!).
Balance It All
Ghandi understood that life needs to be in balance.
He regularly withdrew to replenish himself.
In order to provide “living water” for others, you need to find concrete ways to replenish your well. If your life has become solely organized around “the helping role” you are out of balance. If your “life-lens” now tends to view everything through diagnosis and dysfunction it is time for some FUN. If you think your practice will become more successful by simply working harder, think again.
Are you actually living the balance that you are telling your clients they need?
Creative Engagement
Ghandi understood the importance of hands-on creative engagement.
He regularly spun cloth on a hand loom.
Positive psychology is catching up with ancient wisdom traditions. It is recognizing the role hands-on creative engagement plays in our sense of wellbeing.
I once wrote an entire blog post on the importance of crafts in developing intuition and spiritual receptivity. Craft making has neurological, social, and cognitive benefits. (I often assign clients homework based on this.) Creativity & Camaraderie Club members create in so many tangible ways: writing, knitting, photography, silent retreats, poetry, flying trapeze classes, pottery, kayaking, printmaking, mandalas, etc.
Transformation
Ghandi understood that once we have transformed ourselves, we are then capable of transforming others . . . and that we should do just that.
I don’t know about you, but my own transformation has always been a “work in progress.” I do know, however, that I only need to be three steps ahead of a client to be able to have a positive influence. That is why I encourage you to give yourself permission first to experience the power of a non-work-related Creativity & Camaraderie Club for at least a year. Ask your colleagues to join you. Then you can go forth and create groups for others.
So many people asked our group how we “did it” that I wrote up a detailed “how-to” handbook: The Creativity & Camaraderie Club Handbook: Have More Fun, Live More Wholeheartedly, Encourage Each Other. The group process outlined in it is the one I have used professionally for many years. (I learned it from my “master mentor”, Dale Schwarz, of the Center for Creative Consciousness.) The handbook addresses concerns, cautions, expectations, resources, etc. It will walk you through everything you need to know to start a successful group.
Trust the process, it really works.
It can be a great practice builder to become known as someone who encourages creativity, connection and joy.
This has certainly been true for my practice! It has always been my hope that The Creativity & Camaraderie Club handbook would be picked up by therapists, life-coaches, wellness centers and church groups. Let’s make it part of our job to help spread the joie di vivre virus . . . and let’s be sure we thoroughly inoculate ourselves with it first!
What is it you can do to start sharing this idea with as many people as possible?
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About the Author: Mary Reilly Mathews, LCSWR has been an integrative psychotherapist for 20+ years, with a Mind, Body, Spirit approach. Her passions include the healing power of creative imagination, dream work, intuition and energy psychology.
Mary, Thanks for the great post. I enjoy spending time talking with friends. What do you think is the most important thing you do for yourself every day of the week?
Great question, Lauren! For me, it’s putting down the computer, slowing down, and staying present . . . just remembering to B.R.E.A.T.H.E.
What is it that you do for yourself every day of the week?
I do two things that are quite different. The one that I do every day of the week is to spend time talking with my two closest friends (or at least one of them). They both accept me for who I am, both as a counselor and as an entire person. With both of them, I can discuss whatever I would like and truly be myself. If there happens to be a day when we cannot talk to each other for even five minutes (which doesn’t happen very often), we at least leave asynchronous messages for each other.
The other thing is something that I don’t always do every day, but something that probably fits into 5/7 days in some capacity. That is looking for small nuggets of knowledge and/or written handouts that I can use with clients. While it is work related, it can be very relaxing because it’s not specifically tied to the sometimes high emotionality of working with clients directly, but rather adding too my toolbox. This is something I came across just yesterday: http://www.griefnet.org/library/remember_them.html. I’ve never heard this exact saying before, but I think it could apply to many different situations.
I love that Lauren! Sometimes I think half of my work has been educating clients re: what really works in life. I too, collect and create infographic handouts as a big part of my work. I offer them on my Pinterest board Wholehearted Infographics for all to download. So far, the most downloaded and shared one has been What Color is the Elephant in Your Living Room: 9 Types of Denial…. you can find it, and others, here. Help Yourself! …. http://www.pinterest.com/mfmathews/wholehearted-infographics/
Thanks, Mary! I glanced at the information briefly. I can’t wait to look at more of them!
Thank you, Mary, for sharing your pin boards! I’m having some difficulty with my Pinterest account right now but look forward to checking them out!
I only joined social media last year. I was surprised to find out how much I LOVE Pinterest. It is a great tool for curating information. It can be used professionally to store handouts and articles to send clients to. You can follow group boards for areas of professional interest that can be a goldmine of information. You can create “hidden” boards for yourself where you can store more personal persona information. I find that most of my website visits come from Pinterest these days. Here’s an overview of how I’ve set mine up: http://www.pinterest.com/mfmathews/
Oh, Mary! I can so relate! I’ve come to social media late, too – kicking and screaming the whole way. But now that I’m here, I am so grateful for it! I’ve made some of my dearest friends through it. It’s so much less expensive than the old days of purchasing Yellow Page listings and newspaper ads! It’s balanced out the playing field so that all of us can get seen, get heard, get know, get liked, and get trusted – and not just those clinicians with deep pockets! It’s really a win for all . . . who choose to risk not doing it perfectly and are willing to take on the learning curve. And, as you noted, it’s FUN!
Lauren! Thank you so much for taking time to share this beautiful prayer! I was not familiar with it so googled the first few lines to see if I might be able to give proper attribution. According to several different websites, this is a Jewish prayer that is found in a Rabbi’s manual. It is often used as a call-and-response in a worship service.
nice question! I’d have to answer with two things probably, because somehow they are connected in my experience. I have to embody myself every day through movement somehow…. swimming, yoga, walking. The second way I embody myself is through stillness and a meditative practice called Centering Prayer. Without these practices I lose my center and become overwhelmed and frazzled more easily.
Oooooh, nice practices, Mary! In my mind, that movement-stillness routine is such a great balancing practice (as evidenced by losing your center when you push them aside). I started swimming a couple of years ago and found it to be the best thing I’ve done form my self-care (and courage-building, too).
Swimming’s the best! I’ll often match a mantra to the rhythm of the strokes. Nothing beats the relaxed feeling after a set of laps! (and I got brave and learned how to do flip turns again after decades away!)
Thanks for this opportunity to share this with others Tamara! As I look back over my career, the highlight (and biggest ripple effect) has been facilitating small group connections and community through creativity, SoulCollage, study groups, etc. Every time I learn of a group starting up and hear feedback about how much it has added to their lives it makes my day! I’m available for any questions folks might have….
Thanks, Mary, so much for sharing this idea with us! I’m excited to read your book! Like you, I, too, thrive in groups and building community so I know you’ll be stirring up new ideas for me, too!
I have to say that I feel better just having read this post! These ideas are great reminders to us to take care of ourselves very well so we can then be at our best for our clients. I have found that the longer I work as a therapist, the more attuned I am to notice if I am “losing steam” and need to step up my own self-care. Thank goodness for that.
Mary and Tamara – thanks so much for sharing!
Cathy Wilson LPC
Cathy Wilson! Fancy meeting you here! Thanks for dropping in this morning to join the conversation.
When I was first introduced to marketing mental health (back in the 1980’s), I learned that to stabilize income, hospitals keep the same marketing schedule when the beds are full and when the beds are empty. In fact, the Marketing Director said that when your beds are fullest is when you should do the most marketing.
I think about self-care in the same way. Taking that bubble bath, getting that massage, eating healthier, or taking time off is something that, for me, works best if done 24/7. If I wait until I’m “losing steam,” it’s often hard for me to get motivated to do anything different. This mindset is a relatively new change for me – over the last 6-7 years – and it hasn’t come easy. That’s when the realization finally sunk in that women in the USA are conditioned to believe that we are supposed to settle for crumbs of respite – after everyone else has been served. I see way too many clients, colleagues, and friends who don’t feel entitled to routinely take care of themselves on a daily basis. Instead, they push themselves until they drop . . . or get sick . . . or are so overwhelmed that they they have an “excuse” of sorts to fall apart or check into a hospital (or whatever).
I know that If I’m able to put reminders and time on my calendar, self-care happens. If I don’t carve out the time and put it into my schedule, then it often gets pushed aside or rationalized away. Mary’s Creativity and Camaraderie Club sounds like a lovely way to build in me-time – something that each and every one of us need and deserve.
I’ve learned over the years that if it’s not scheduled, it’s not serious! (I made a poster for my blog once based on an old Irish saying: “Nodding the Head Does Not Row the Boat.” Knowing something is good for us cognitively is not the same as engaging in the actions that make it happen. My hope is that the caregivers will put their oars in the water and row for themselves! I had a great teacher who taught me that if you support and heal the caregivers they are then able to go out and effect hundreds of more lives… a bigger ripple effect!
Oh, Mary! I’m stealing that quote! (Mostly because I’ve been guilty of that more often than I would really like to admit!) Thanks for sharing it!
Once you begin priming the pump of creativity in your life so many creative possibilities enter your mind. That quote is part of a series I’ve started in my blog called Old Sayings/Modern Wisdom. I know that image and metaphor are integrated in people’s brains better and more permanently than factoid discourse. Another recent quote in the series might also go along with the theme of this post. It is another old Irish saying: “The Stars Make No Noise.” Are we shining or shouting? Far better that we caregivers emanate and embody the light we hope our clients will turn on in their lives than to simply flap our gums and spout second-hand wisdom at them! What do you think?
Yes! “The stars make no noise!” I think about this in marketing my services! Rather than saying “Look at me! Look at me!” “I’m promising you can get rich and get rich quick!” “I’m promising you can save your marriage!” It’s just a lot more accurate, honest, and effective to keep putting one step in front of the other, putting out great content, and trusting that the phone will ring . . . because it does ring every single day!
Exactly! Keep giving our best, and being our best. Shine it forward….
Tamara,
Thank you for imparting this wonderful post! It absolutely made my day and resonated with me in a deep way- particularly the sections on camaraderie and creative engagements.
In camaraderie, we get to be relationship focused which is what I believe drives most people (and for sure me). I love when I participate in a group of like-minded people and an explosion of enthusiasm, passion and safety decorate the surroundings. I walk out of interactions like that feeling inspired, grateful for the experience and empowered. That “wow” feeling is something I treasure and seek frequently.
I also loved the section on creative engagement. From creativity emerges a different way of thinking. It opens the door and grants permission to engage in an authentic, unique and most of all fun way. Creativity in my mind is somewhat stifled and discouraged in the dominant culture, and this is really a shame as it can yield tremendous and infinite possibility.
Thank you again Tamara for sharing this wonderful post! I feel invigorated and energized just having read it.
Suzanne, I’ll be quoting you to my Creativity & Camaraderie Club meeting next month!
“an explosion of enthusiasm, passion and safety decorate the surroundings. I walk out of interactions like that feeling inspired, grateful for the experience and empowered.”
That sums up exactly how we feel after meeting each month!
“I feel invigorated and energized just having read it.” Now THAT, Suzanne, is my goal! 🙂
Mary,
My apologies about not thanking you earlier for the wonderful inspiration you imparted in your writing! Excellent post. I am still thinking about it!
Thank you Suzanne… it means a lot! One of the quotes I use in The Creativity & Camaraderie Club Handbook is, “Relationships with others are the physical and spiritual basis of creative energy. Nothing is further from the truth than the popular notion that we create alone and in isolation from the world.” (Shaun McNiff)
Writing a weekly blog in the quiet of my own home can seem like a pretty solitary act. When I get feedback that someone has found my efforts helpful I decide, “I guess I’ll write another post next week!” The motto for my blog is “inspire, enliven, transform.” I’m glad you found this one so….
I agree, Mary! If I’m blogging into a black hole with no one talking to me here in the comments, I slip back into “I wonder what I’m doing wrong” and “What’s the use?” But if I’ve got a community of therapist (whether they are like-minded or not) who are willing to speak up and share, I’m totally juiced to keep blogging! It enriches us all!
Now this is where good energy gets going!! Thank you for encouraging us to connect to our creativity. I recently brought a good friend and professional writer/editor on as my “creative consultant.” More than her title or job description, what I really value is the energy that flows between us and though I thought it would be a very one-sided situation we are now dreaming up creative ways to collaborate on projects. Long story short, it is really nice to have a traveling companion (or two!) when daring to venture outside the box.
Katie, have you read Women’s Ways of Knowing by Belenky, Clinchy, Goldberger, & Tarule? It’s a great read and in it they talk about their research that led them to conclude that women often work best in collaboration with others rather than alone. That’s certainly true for me. The synergy that comes through collaboration always leads to more creative endeavors for me.
In any case, I can’t wait to hear what you and your creative consultant are up to! I hope you’ll stay engaged here and let us learn from you and share what we know, too, to support you on your journey and inspire us on ours, too!
It sounds like you’ve made a commitment to yourself Katie, and realized how important accountability to another person is to help keep momentum going. My Creativity & Camaraderie Club members would tell you that meeting regularly and witnessing each other’s creative play and experimentation has seriously upped our ante! And not a meeting goes by when someone doesn’t say, “If it weren’t for the fact that I knew we were meeting tonight I never would have ….”
That seems like a fabulous use of a Creativity & Camaraderie Club! I have an accountability partner that I connect with every single Monday to keep me cranking out my work and not sitting on my laurels. And, then I have therapists as clients who hire me just for that purpose i.e. to keep them on track. I have lots of fun with my clients but . . . I’m thinking that a Creativity & Camaraderie Club sounds like a lot more fun (and affordable, too!).
Mary! Mary! Mary! I love it! You are a kindred spirit. I’m so delighted to read your post and familiarize myself with your work. I’ve already put your book in my Amazon cart. Yes! Embody our spirituality and pay attention to the messages. I’d rather like to have tea with you. (-:
Well, thank you, thank you, thank you Ana Maria! I’m in central New York State. Where are you? Please let me know when you start your Creativity & Camaraderie Club. I can add you to my Pinterest Board so your group can share their activity.
Mary, I’m in Tacoma, WA. I guess it will have to be virtual tea for now. (-;
Oh, Mary! What a cool idea! To add all those groups to your Pinterest Boards! Love that!
I’ve just started reading it,too, Ana! This is going to be so fun! (And, by the way – I suggest that you guys agree to meet in the middle for tea . . . As in Colorado, please?)
Sounds like a plan! Plus scheduling a LifeForce/iRest Yoga workshop for mood and anxiety!regulation.
🙂 Hey, Ana – are you offering LifeForce / iRest Yoga workshops? And, what are those?
Tamara, Yes! I am offering LifeForce Yoga Workshops for Mood and Anxiety Regulation to mental health therapists and health care professionals as well as to other professionals, such as attorneys, business owners, school districts, corporate clients, and the general public. LifeForce Yoga is a lineage of yoga that incorporates practices that are specifically for uplifting mood, regulating anxiety, and managing stress. LifeForce yoga techniques are very accessible, portable, and easy to integrate into your day.
I also teach yoga nidra and I am an iRest Yoga Nidra teacher in training. Yoga nidra is a deep form of relaxation and meditation, sometimes referred to as conscious sleep. It is very useful not only in providing rest and energy, but also in helping us to access deep healing. It is used to treat depression, anxiety, insomnia, trauma, reduce the perception of acute or chronic pain, and many other symptoms.
Both of these practices are evidenced based and have been developed specifically for the Westerner. You do not have to be a yoga student, flexible, athletic, or even have any interest in becoming a regular yoga student. There is something for everyone regardless of their physical capacity. I have even taught individuals with physical and cognitive disabilities.
If you’d like to learn more visit my web page at http://www.DevelopResilience.com and click on Complementary and Alternative Healing Practices.
Thanks for asking!
Ana, thank you for sharing so much about your yoga practice. I was not familiar with this particular type of yoga and I’m sure a lot of others here were not familiar with it, either.
What you are doing . . . by diversifying your business with different streams of income and touching different pools of people is so smart! While most of us probably enter private practice thinking we want to sit in a lovely office all day long supporting our clients, the truth is that the most successful therapists I know (and you know, too) diversify their streams of income and work with different pools of people. That’s not to say that they aren’t nicheing their practices. They definitnely are! But, they aren’t putting all their eggs in one basket.
I love how you have fearlessly combined your complementary and alternative healing practices on your website and yet very clearly and ethically noted (that they are just that and) that they are entirely separate from your clinical practice.
Kudos to you, Ana, for having the wisdom and the heart to share your passions – those for working with
Tamara, I appreciate the feedback. I would be delighted to come to Colorado (and elsewhere) to provide an introduction to these practices. I’m just beginning discussions with a fellow LFYoga/LCSW to offer workshops and trainings in the St. Louis area. I am also contemplating offering a workshop(s) in the Chicago Metro area and Miami en espan~ol! This work is highly appealing to mental health and other professionals who are working to help clients manage a variety of symptoms and also for _Self-Care_. If you or your colleagues have further questions, just let me know. Again, thanks for your inquiries and feedback. As you can tell I am quite passionate about this work. It is truly life changing! Namaste, Ana
So, just to make my point, Ana, about diversifying . . . In addition to psychotherapy you also offer Reiki, LFYoga, and you are taking your yoga on the road by collaborating with other professionals! You’re modeling a savvy marketing plan there, my friend!
I’ve just began to slowly plant seeds 2 1/2 years ago and this fall I’ve accelerated by offering beginners workshops for the general public primarily. My fellow yogis and friends are helping out with the travel plans. For example, I used to live on Vancouver Island and I visit regularly. It’s not that far from Tacoma. Now I have more reasons to come. For example, through my network, I’m connecting with regional realtors to offer them a wellness program and with a group of nurses serving “stressed out young moms”. Both the nurses and the moms need workshops. I also plan to contact assisted living centers because they are in great need. It’s a great deal of work and I don’t necessarily see it as a big income booster. However, this is also part of my “retirement plan”. I will never really retire and it gives me so much joy to impart ease and joy to others.
Hey, Ana, I know you are a busy gal but appreciate you staying engaged in this conversation and sharing your journey with the rest of us here at Private Practice from the Inside Out. You’ve been out in the field for quite a while now. But, as you know, there are many in our community that just getting started in private practice who need to hear about our many and varied journeys.
I love that you get that even in your work there is more to work than just money. There’s a bigger picture that includes your “retirement plan” and feeds your joy. It reminds me of Tim Ferriss’ Ideal Lifestyle Costing. I won’t elaborate on it here. You can check out the link if you’re interested. But, my point is that when we are hungry and eager to apply all that we’ve spent years learning, it’s easy to get a distorted and tunnel vision – forgetting the many things that contribute to a full and vibrant life.
Thanks for the reminder!