Thank you to Anne Stewart and Lennis G. Echterling, Ph.D. for providing the following information. Please share this with others so that communities can grieve and heal.
All of us have been deeply affected by the tragic events that have taken place at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut, USA. We have been shocked by the scenes of violence and our sense of security has been shaken. We worry about how the survivors are doing as they deal with heartache, grief, and anguish. Please keep in mind that you do not have to be in Connecticut to help during this painful time. No matter where you are, you can make a difference. Here are just a few of the ways that you can help:
Reach Out
Now is the time that you can reach out to others. Especially if you know people who have a connection to the community, you have an opportunity to comfort, reassure, and console. If they live near you, then you can lend an empathic ear to their concerns. If they are far away, you can give them a telephone call, send an email, or write a card. However you connect, you can offer emotional support to those who have been affected by the horrific event. You may be worried that you don’t know what to say, but don’t let that stop you from reaching out. There are no magic words or slogans, but you can make a difference by being there for others. They may forget your exact words, but they will remember your presence and compassion.
Take Heart
You have witnessed the violence and pain through the media. Be sure to also notice the many stories of resilience and sacrifice. Let yourself be inspired by the courage of those who risked their own lives to protect others. Allow yourself to be encouraged by the dedication of security officers and emergency medical teams who responded so unselfishly. Be touched by the many gestures of support that parents, teachers and friends have offered. It’s essential that
you acknowledge the heartache and suffering and don’t lose heart about the future.
Make Meaning
The media have shown you a shocking story of random acts of violence of heartbreaking proportions. There is neither a simple nor logical explanation of the tragedy; however you can bring meaning by being a part of the healing process. You can acknowledge the depth of pain and offer your own random acts of kindness to help others to heal and be comforted. The senseless actions of one troubled individual have wreaked havoc and confusion. Your actions can help reaffirm our collective sense of meaning, trust and well being in life.
Give Thanks
During this painful time, it is especially important to give thanks to those who bring safety and security to your life. Of course, you have shown your appreciation to your friends and family for their kind touches. And you can make a deliberate effort to take every opportunity to thank such people as security personnel who work to protect our community, responders who help us survive medical emergencies, educators who have dedicated their lives to mentoring youth, and countless people who bring richness and joy to our lives.
Give Blood
Tragically, blood has been shed and you can donate life-giving blood as one concrete and important act of healing. Virtually all of us will face a time of great vulnerability in which we will need blood. And that time is all too often unexpected. To find out where you can donate, visit American Red Cross or call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE (1-800-448-3543).
Make a Donation
One fast and practical way to make a positive difference is to contribute to local organizations that are dedicated to reduce all forms of violence in your community. Domestic violence shelters, organizations preventing child abuse, conflict mediation are just a few examples. You can donate your time, money and needed materials that support efforts to bring safety, peace and security to individuals and families.
Can you think of other ways to help?
Thank you for sharing this very concise, useful information.
Good morning, Elana! You are so welcome. It’s such a sad event . . . just one more.
Tamara, Thanks for posting and such an important and emotionally-laden topic. It’s really important to see the things in this post in writing. While we would probably remember a lot of this on most days, it can be easy to miss one of the crucial things that we can do to help in the midst of all this. It can be tough to remember that every little bit helps.
🙂 So glad to share it!
Thank you for this information. I posted this to my Facebook page for my friends and family.
As a Theologian, I understand why bad things happen: sin has tainted all aspects of this world and our lives. As a Christian, I prayed and will do so continuously.
As a professional counselor, I understand how much pain people can be in and how sin has worked to destroy lives. As a client recently said, I’m living in a living hell.” Emotional and relational pain is worse than physical.
As a counselor educator, I am horrified but will use the experience to make future counselors better.
As a human being, I am struck by the constant pain and lack of hope in humanity.
As a father, my heart is crushed. Especially when having to explain what happened to my 10 year old daughter. She understands that people hurt themselves and others. She doesn’t grasp why. Her response, “it is ‘be nice’ week. ”
My response is to cry. We’ll sit on the couch, watch TV, and put up Christmas decorations. Hope and peace must rule.
You are so welcome, Bryan! And,thank you for passing it on! I think the innocence of your 10 year old daughter is the right idea . . . when you don’t understand . . . just “be nice!”
I also appreciate your acknowledgement (I think) to the pain that the shooter must also have struggled with. As I listen to journalists reference this young man as “evil” and “a monster,” my own frustration grows. Yes, these acts of violence are evil and monstrous but not the individual. He was just one more individual who (it appears) may have struggled with his own demons and mental illness. As long as we continue to scapegoat individuals with dehumanizing labels rather than addressing the cultural and systemic shortcomings that allow (and at times even support) these violent outbursts, we will continue to have tragedies like this one to contend with.
Yes, I was specifically referencing the pain of the shooter. I also find it frustrating when human beings are referred to as evil. I cannot condone his behavior but calling him evil is a step too far. This moves us father away from mental health being treated the same as physical health.
Thanks, Bryan, for the clarification. The media today is driving me bonkers! I appreciate the increased focus on mental health but linking mental illness to violence is so misleading! Even in the most severe cases, research shows that the vast majority of violence is not initiated by individuals who have been diagnosed as mentally ill AND that most mental illness is not a cause for violence. HELLO?!! Is anybody out there in Media Land doing their homework?!
Great information — covers so much ground and is something I can immediately do and/or recommend for others to do to help cope with this feeling of grief, shock, and helplessness.
Thanks for posting, Tamara, and thanks for writing it Anne and Lennis.
🙂 Glad to know you find it useful, Barbara!
Thank you everyone for sharing this! I enoyed the blog and the feedback everyone provided. It helps us, as therapists, to implement steps that can help! As always I appreciate your blogs Tamara!
And, I appreciate that you drop in to read and share your thoughts, Lyndsey!
Has anybody else been surprised by the amount of times this has come up in session and where the conversation ultimately goes?
I was prepared for it to be something that was discussed a lot and was careful to process a lot of my own feelings so that they wouldn’t really affect me in session very much. I have also noticed that people who I thought would possibly have a lot of difficulty with this has not really been expressing that, and the opposite is also true.
I wonder if that is because we are so accustomed to the violence in this country . . . . I suspect we’ll hear more about this as time goes by.
I just found this article about how to help kids cope with frightening news. It’s short and very practical: http://www.childmind.org/en/posts/articles/2011-12-27-helping-your-child-cope-deaths-friends
There is also a free downloadable booklet from NIMH about how parents can help children cope with disasters and violence. The PDF has a lot of color, but if you’re interested in the color copies, you can get three free ones in the mail.
Lauren, thank you, thank you for sharing these resources!