As COVID-19 is ramping up here in Colorado, therapists’ phones are ringing off the hook with old clients wanting to re-connect and new clients wanting their first appointments. It happened this way during the AIDS epidemic. It happened this way during the aftermath of 9-11 and the Katrina Hurricane. And, it’s going to happen this way every time we have a national crisis or our ideal clients have personal crises. The good news and the bad news is that that phone is going to ring!
That’s why I’ve invited Licensed Professional Counselor Cathy Wilson back to join us today to talk about the struggle that many therapists have when it comes to returning those initial phone calls from potential clients . . . and what to do about it.
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A Guest Post by Catherine Wilson, LPC, ACS
If you have been in private practice long enough to call a few potential clients after they have left you voice mails, you have probably heard “You’re the only one who has ever called me back!”
In my first few years of practicing, this stunned me.
I couldn’t imagine how other counselors stayed in business.
I couldn’t imagine how so many people who were in a helping profession would not call potential clients back.
After all . . . a big part of our job is connecting with people!
The Struggle
At the same time, I noticed that I struggled almost every time I needed to call someone back who might be a new client.
This made no sense to me and yet anxiety and distress around returning these particular phone calls have remained a challenge for me over the years.
It doesn’t happen when a potential client emails and it doesn’t happen when an existing client calls.
So What’s The Big Deal?
These days I know exactly what goes on for me; but, I also know this remains a challenge for a lot of other counselors, too.
I know it because many clients still mention that therapists are not returning their phone calls.
I took my question to several of my colleagues and also to large group of therapists on Facebook as an informal poll.
Some interesting information surfaced in the feedback I received.
The Excuses And The Reasons
Many therapists mentioned technology problems such as the person’s voice mailbox “being full” or receiving a “garbled message” resulting in them not being unable to understand the correct number to call back.
However, it seems to me that technology problems aren’t frequent enough to be an adequate explanation for how prevalent this seems to be.
This article is about the other reasons we struggle to return phone calls to potential clients – the ones within our control – and not just the “tech glitches.”
It’s my hope that by understanding our own impulses and those of our colleagues, we can all do better at returning phone calls in two ways.
For some of us, perhaps we can improve how we manage returning potential client calls; and, for others, perhaps we can strive to simply be less judgmental of our colleagues and better understand how difficult this is for them.
The Other Eplanations
The other explanations I have heard many therapists offer for not returning phone calls include some form of the following three things:
- Therapists have limited time or energy,
- Therapists’ anxieties or dislikes of phone conversations prevents them from returning calls, or
- Their fears of possible judgment or rejection from potential clients gets in the way.
So, let’s talk about each of these.
Time And Energy
Our schedules and the number of clients we see can vary a lot from day to day.
Finding the time and energy to make a phone call after giving so much to our existing clients can often feel like too much of a drain on what little energy is left.
Some of the ways we might describe this could be:
- “I want to be present for the person and give the person the attention that is needed.”
- “I don’t want to sound superficial.”
- “I have no time between sessions.”
- “I won’t call outside the office – boundaries.”
- “I don’t know what is going on for them and if their need for my time will exceed what I can give them.”
- “I get frustrated with ‘phone tag.'”
- “I need privacy and the times and places I have that are limited.”
- “I have a limited amount of time for phone calls and for my own self-care.”
- “I’m afraid it will be difficult to get off the phone – especially when I begin to care.”
- “I have a hard time with time management.”
- “I don’t want to have to cut them off if I run out of time, when I can hear they are hurting.”
Anxiety Or Dislike
Truthfully, some of us just get anxious or plain dislike talking on the phone.
One or more of these could be true for you:
- “I don’t like interacting when I can’t observe a person’s body language.”
- “I have hearing problems and I worry that it will be difficult for me or for the caller.”
- “I had a negative experience with the phone as a child that gives me a lot of anxiety any time I need to make a phone call.”
- “I worry that something will be misunderstood due to poor reception or the audio on a call getting garbled.”
- “It gets tedious with same information each time about insurance, location, fee/co-pay, etc..”
- “I worry that someone other than the client will answer. “
Fear Of Judgment Or Rejection
These are some of our more vulnerable reasons for not returning phone calls.
More than one of these has come up for me:
- “I don’t like it when potential clients ask personal questions such as what religion I am, my age, or if I have children.”
- “What I say will be misunderstood and there won’t be a way to clarify it if I never hear from the client again.”
- “I feel rushed and worry about pauses, especially since they can’t see or tell that I’m thinking.”
- “I’m afraid that I won’t have a good response and they will reject me.”
- “I worry that I won’t be worthy or they won’t like me.”
- “I have an accent and am worried I will be judged or rejected.”
- “It sometimes feels like an interrogation and I get uncomfortable.”
- “I forgot to call them back within the usual time and then was too embarrassed to call.”
- “Imposter syndrome” gets to me, and I just can’t face feeling like I’m not good enough to meet this person’s needs.”
And, Then There’s More
The reasons I’ve listed so far are reasons I consider to be relatively understandable to most of us in this profession.
Not all of the reasons this happens are as understandable to many.
However, it is worthwhile to search ourselves for any reasons that come up, such as those that follow, even when it may be uncomfortable.
An open and problem-solving dialogue with our peers can strengthen our profession as a whole, too.
The Biases We Carry
Each of us is ethically mandated to be aware and self-reflective of the biases we carry.
Those biases influence the conclusions we draw about a client just based on how their voice sounds on the phone; and, those biases may be related to race, stigma associated with certain diagnoses, intelligence, socioeconomic status, religion, values, and more.
Jessica Joiner, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Licensed Addiction Counselor, and owner of Journey Inspired Counseling in Parker, Colorado consults with colleagues on potential bias in psychotherapy.
She says, “Recognizing your own power and privilege is extremely important to uncovering and identifying your biases (about anything).
If you struggle to admit that you have biases, then you most likely aren’t able to recognize your own power and privilege.
We aren’t just talking about race either.
This is about any area of society where you fit into the majority – this gives you power and privilege in that area.
Examining your privilege takes work, self-reflection and honesty with yourself—about yourself – and it is not easy because we don’t always like what we discover.
Sometimes it may look contradictory to our conscious belief system.”
Bias can influence us in our clinical work and it can influence us as early as the initial phone call from a potential client.
When that happens, thoughts like these below sometimes come up:
- “I only work with high functioning people and this person doesn’t seem like they are.”
- “This person sounds like they are dealing with Borderline Personality Disorder and I just can’t take that on right now.”
- “I can tell already I won’t like this person.”
- “This person clearly wants a conservative Christian therapist and that is not me at all.”
Unconscious Bias
It also may not be a conscious thought that comes up for you.
For instance, studies have shown that there are distinct proven biases regarding non-white sounding voices or particular names being a reason that a client doesn’t get called back.
For instance, Heather Kugelmass examined the call back rates for two people seeking mental health treatment – a white middle class seeker and a black middle class seeker.
Her research demonstrated that callers who sounded white had their calls returned at nearly three times the frequency of those who did not sound white.
Kugelmass wrote about her results in an article titled, “Sorry, I’m Not Accepting New Patients” for the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.
These thoughts or subconscious biases could leave a therapist feeling resistant to calling a potential client back.
I’ve had some of these thoughts myself.
We are human and even though we are in mental health, we aren’t always going to have bias-free thoughts.
A good way to overcome this is to stay aware of the possibility of a bias influencing you.
Floating Up Biases
Only when we can accept the possibility of this happening within us and notice when biases do show up, are we then empowered to make a different choice.
Joiner suggests starting with taking the Harvard Implicit Association Test.
This is a useful free tool that allows you to explore bias in many different areas.
If you find one or more biases coming up on a regular basis, you may want to consult with a colleague or bring the issue to your consultation group.
It also may be appropriate to bring up with your own therapist.
A Different Choice
Ms. Joiner has an additional suggestion.
“Refer out!
If you are struggling with a bias and it continues to show up in sessions with your client, even after you’ve done your own work regarding it, you need to refer that client out.
There is nothing shameful about referring out.
We need to recognize that sometimes another therapist is a better fit for a client than we are.
The bottom line is we do not want to do more harm than good, and by keeping a client where bias shows up, we risk doing just that.
And, remember, bias can be about anything.”
Outside-The-Norm Perspective On Expectations
We each have our own approach and understanding about the various expectations of us as professionals in mental health.
This article is written with the assumption that we all agree that every potential client should be called back.
However, I have found that not every therapist actually believes that.
For instance, I have heard statements similar to these on more than one occasion:
- “My caseload is full so there’s no need to call back.”
- “There’s no money in spending my time doing that, so it isn’t a priority for me.”
- “I already know I’m not a fit for them, so I’m not going to take the time to respond.”
Doing What Works
I hope that if you hold similar beliefs, that this article challenges you to consider the ideas below and find what works for you to reach back out to potential clients.
It is important for each of us to hold our self and those in our profession to a high standard of practice and ethics.
The more we do this, the more our mutual respect for each other can grow.
By doing so, our communities’ respect for mental health and the services we offer can grow as well.
Most important of all, not returning a call has the potential to do harm.
It is likely that your potential client is in a vulnerable situation or in distress if they have been motivated to call you.
It may have been very difficult or even dangerous for that client to make that call.
Not calling them back can feel like rejection or abandonment and add to their pain.
It can leave the person feeling like they aren’t important.
Seven Strategies to Help Us All Do Better
Mental health professionals don’t want to harm anyone and yet there are many of us who struggle with finding a method that works for us to routinely get this task of returning phone calls done .
So what can you do?
My primary motivation in writing this article was to find ways to help myself have an easier time of getting those callbacks completed.
Here are seven strategies I have learned from colleagues that can help us all do better:
- Remember what it feels like to be the client not getting a call returned from a potential therapist and then feeling awful because I needed to get help quickly.
- Being aware of all these reasons listed in this article gives me the ability to push past it.
- Plan a specific time in my day to return calls and verbally commit to doing it by putting it on my voice mail greeting; then, protect that time by adding it to my calendar and refuse to let anything disrupt it because it’s important.
- If my caseload is full, put that on my voice mail greeting instead.
- If I respond in a timelier manner when using email, put that on my voice mail greeting along with my email address.
- Depending on your typical client population, it may be well received to text a response instead of calling back. Therapy is changing. Potential clients that are considered Millennials or Generation Z tend to be more comfortable with communicating by text.
- Use an app such as SlyDial to make some of your callbacks. This allows you to leave your message directly in a caller’s voice mail. This has been particularly useful to me, for instance, when I have a day full of back-to-back sessions and I can’t take the chance of having a potentially long phone call. I can at least let the person know I received their message and ask a question or two, and let them know a time when I am available to speak with them.
These days, I feel like I have a better understanding of my own resistance to calling potential clients back as well as some insight into why other clinicians may have similar feelings.
I am also happy to say that by better understanding this, I don’t find calling back potential clients to be as difficult as I once did.
I hope that by sharing my research with you, you’ll be able to say the same!
If you have struggled to return phone calls to potential clients, I get it!
And, if have found something to be useful in this post or elsewhere, I hope you’ll drop in below to share your experience so we can continue to learn together.
I look forward to chatting with you!
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Cathy Wilson, LPC, ACS is a counselor in Littleton, Colorado, and author of One Last Act: A Mental Health Clinician’s Guide to Professional Wills
I really appreciate this post. I’ve experienced many potential clients who are extremely grateful that I returned their call. I do set time to call folks back. I also have created a preferred provider list to refer when I cannot accept clients for a number of reasons. It takes so much for many people to take that first step to call us. Calling back to refer out or offer a community resource is the least we can do! I also keep in mind that every encounter is essential marketing. Even if you can’t take the person on the other end, how you made them feel may open the door to other possibilities or another referral. Our job is beyond the chair espresso if you don’t have a staffer.
Hi, MeChele! Welcome to Private Practice from the Inside Out!
I believe that actually setting aside time to return phone calls on a daily basis is a practice that many therapists do not start out with.
After all, when we only have one or two or even three clients in a week, we have “all the time in the world” (we think) to return those calls so they often get pushed aside.
Then as our practices begin to grow . . . and we start to understand how much we really need to be doing to get those referrals and clients in the door . . . !
Well, by then, we’ve failed to put good habits in place and those phone calls that we least like to make get set aside still.
Blocking out time on my schedule is the only way those phone calls get returned in a timely manner.
“I also have created a preferred provider list to refer to . . . .”
” It takes so much for many people to take that first step to call us.”
“Calling back to refer out or offer a community resource is the least we can do!”
These are the attitudes that I look for when I am looking for my own therapist and when I am looking for another mental health provider to refer to, Michele!
And, when I am considering whether to coach a therapist, THESE are the attitudes I’m looking for:
– “. . . every encounter is essential marketing”
– “Even if you can’t take the person on the other end, how you made them feel may open the door to other possibilities or another referral.”
And, THIS is the quote I am stealing from you (with credit, of course)!
“Our job is beyond the chair expresso if you don’t have a staffer.”
I couldn’t have said it better!
I hope you’ll be back again soon to join the conversations here!
Hi MeChele, and thanks for your comments. That idea about remembering that for some people, it takes a lot to call us is so important. It is a strong motivator for me to make sure I make time to call someone who has reached out. I’m glad you decided to add your thoughts here. These conversations help us all do better!
Thank you Tamara for allowing me to write about this here on your blog. And thanks also to Jessica Joiner for contributing. Looking forward to everyone’s comments!
I so appreciate yours and Jessica’s time and voice here, Cathy!
By the way – I remember reading somewhere that 80% of callers do not call back when their initial call isn’t answered.
That alone may be incentive for some therapists to return those calls! 🙂
I have struggled with this so much over the years. Some of my own resistance was about time, energy, boundaries, etc
But I finally realized, it’s almost always that I have a very hard time not doing almost a whole session over the phone for free. A peer supervisor pointed out when I was talking about low numbers of new clients that this might be part of why.
When in distress, some clients will get just enough not to schedule that intake. They feel better enough. And I think she was right, one I made scheduling available from the website, it was clear that more people were doing first sessions.
I return voicemails with a text message usually and explain that I wanted to reply as quickly as possible, even though I am with clients/out of the office/home with daily. It’s been very well received overall.
I can’t wait to check out slydial. What a great idea!
Hi Nikki! Thanks very much for leaving a comment here. That is awesome that you’ve found something that works for you to get back in touch with potential clients quickly. It takes care of responding to the person’s need, but also helps you keep the boundary.
SlyDial has helped me a lot. I use it very sparingly, and it allows me to do the same type of thing – I can respond to the person more quickly and it creates a boundary, too.
I have the same tendency to stay on the phone too long. For me, it has had the opposite result though. This hasn’t been every time of course, but for the most part if I can get someone talking to me in that initial call, most of the time it results in an appointment. That is interesting that there is such a different result! I see a lot of older teens though and it is parents making the appointments. Demographics can make a big difference.
Thanks again for leaving your thoughts here!
Hi, Nikki! Thank you for joining the conversation and sharing your own struggles so openly.
I used to struggle with the length of that initial phone call, too.
Eventually, I came up with my “script” that kept me and my caller on track without letting my call deteriorate into a free therapy session.
I do think that you are right – sometimes it is such a relief for a caller to speak with a total stranger who has no vested interests in judging him / her that they do feel better and mistakenly think that that one call was sufficient.
My assumption is that you are returning voicemails with secure texting and I’m glad you’ve found this to serve both you and/or clients well.
For those of you who are not yet using secure texting, here are 6 Important Things About Texting, HIPAA Privacy, and Choosing Online Services.
And, here are 3 Tips to Get Clients Using Secure Texting With You.
If you are interested in getting a copy of The-Getting-It-Right Scripts for Therapists – the one that helped me turn around my initial phone calls with potential clients – you can sign up for it by filling out the hot pink band across the top of my blog.
(That will also sign you up to receive notices about new blog posts, courses, and other offerings from me.)
Your blog has been immensely helpful over the years, especially when I was just starting my practice.
I do use secure messaging for all current clients, on SimplePractice (which btw has been a huge time saver and the best money I’ve spent over the past two years since I moved to all digital notes/paperwork/scheduling)
For returning calls like this, I don’t send anything over text that is sensitive or phi. Only that I received a call, am happy to help and the link that they can find an appointment time.
Most of my inquiries come over email anyways, since I’ve built the referral funnel that way on my website. Which was also a huge improvement in my workflow.
Hi, Nikki! I’m so glad you’ve found my blog to be helpful to you.
That’s the goal!
Thank you for sharing your solutions to such reluctance.
I don’t text clients and appreciate your referencing secure messaging.
Nikki, I’m so glad this works so well for you. That’s so important to succeed in private practice, it is one of the many details we must figure out so we can manage our time and take care of our clients and ourselves. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts!
While looking for something else, I ran across this article – Thank You for Returning My Call.
It offers some good advice for clients out there who are trying to get their phone calls returned.
Tamara, I finally had a chance to read the article that you linked here. It speaks directly to what I hear so often, too, from potential clients. When I respond, more times than not I hear that I am the only one that called back.
Like the author of that letter, I have it in writing in multiple places on my website that I return every email and phone call. I think this makes a difference for potential clients and it serves another purpose…I know it is there, it is a public promise, and this motivates me to stay true to my word even in moments when I’m low on energy. Thanks for sharing it!
Honestly, Cathy, it’s the professional thing to do and it’s why I so appreciate you tackling this topic so openly.
None of us do everything perfectly; we all struggle with different aspects of our jobs.
The fact that you could say “this is my struggle” hopefully will help others who also struggle here to work to do it differently.
I appreciate your leadership in our community.
If we cannot be honest with ourselves about where we struggle, we can hardly expect our clients to do the same.
Stay in and staying healthy during this pandemic!
I’ve lost all respect for mental health professionals. They cause more harm than good in most cases. And they often themselves have more issues than the potential clients who contact them. And not returning phone calls is unacceptable and selfish on their part. After reading some of the excuses therapists give for not returning calls to potential clients,, it further validates that they are a worthlessness profession. They don’t deserve the power and pedestal roles they are given in their profession. They are humans. Not gods. And they fail pathetically. To put themselves above another human(“client”) like they do is unethical and a man-made failure. We are all equal! Tone down your egoes because you are a disgrace to society.
Hi, Amy! Thank you for dropping in to share. I agree with you that we are only human – and imperfect by definition, definitely not gods. I’m sorry that you’ve lost respect for mental health professionals. I imagine most of us are doing the best we can – and sometimes that falls short.
Thank you, Amy for underscoring that we are “humans, not gods.” It’s true. I can’t speak for other therapists but I can say that clients and potential clients all deserve to have their calls returned in a timely manner. I appreciate you weighing in here to remind us how important that simple act is every single time.
Thank you so much, Cathy, for including my input into your blog. I appreciate the opportunity to share more about bias.
Hi, Jessica! Thank you so much for sharing your insights in Cathy’s guest post! I so appreciate the work you do around implicit and explicit bias and am happy to introduce my readers to you and your work!
Jessica, it was great to include your thoughts in this article, so thank you too!
I’m trying to find a therapist for my 19-year-old daughter. I called a dozen therapists about a week ago, and not a single one has returned my call.
When I read the title of this article, I thought I would find some ideas on how to get them to call me back. I didn’t realize it would be aimed at therapists. If you have any ideas on how a potential client can get a therapist to call back, I would love to hear them.
Hi, Jim! I’m so sorry that is has been your experience. While it’s certainly no excuse, the COVID-19 panic has disoriented and discombobulated many mental health professionals. My suggestion at this point is not to bother with trying to get the ones you’ve called to respond. Instead, call your daughter’s physician and ask for a referral. They will likely know who has been effective and responsive in working with their other patients. And, of course, if you / she are experiencing an emergency, calling any crisis line or 911 is also an option – and often they, too, are able to provide you with resources in your own community. Best wishes to you and your daughter!
It will take successful court cases to penalize practitioners who do not return telephone calls. I consider it malpractice. I also consider that any practitioner who has a problem with returning, (an often desperate), call, to be incapable and incompetent, and should be prohibited from practice: loss of licensure, certification…
The author respond with the suggestion of calling the hotline. I’d bet she has never called it. I’ll say one thing for it: you will feel absolutely sane, (at least for 10 minutes), after attempting to speak with the uneducated, untrained clogs who answer these lines.
But one problem you will have that is greater, and that is the age of your child, who would be considered an adult, as you might not be able to act on her behalf, and only seek assistance for yourself as a means to cope with the situation. Who knows? Maybe if you were actually able to find someone, he or she might be able to speak with her, if she is willing and able.
Personal anecdote: I was having a crisis. I contacted a psychiatrist who claimed to offer therapy, as opposed to “just medication.” I called multiple times. No return call. I would run into the psychiatrist around town. “Hi there. Did you receive any of my calls? I never got a call back.” Psychiatrist: faraway look.. months later…”Hi there. Did you receive any of my calls? I never got a call back.” Now, you would think that the state board of licensure would pull the license of such an individual. (Not that they take action for far more egregious behaviors). But no.
It would be interesting to see a study of how many “poor outcomes,” (to put it gently), were directly due to not receiving an all-important return phone call.
On more: because of caller-ID, individuals may want to hide their telephone number until they know they are going to get that return phone call. Around here, there are a slew of therapists who block those calls. (Hey. We ALL get robo calls. Deal with it). Instead, callers are told, in a very, “we have veys of making you talk” accented voice message – callers are advised to call back with the phone number unblocked, or – get this – “use another phone.”
This is the stuff of outright cruelty, and all of this is long pre-Covid 19.
Hi, Judith. Thank you for taking time to share your story here.
You deserved better.
All clients do.
I hear your anger and frustration loud and clear.
And, I know that understanding why a therapist might not return a call does nothing to eradicate or repair the damage already done.
I hope you have been able to find a caring and responsive therapist to support you on your journey.
And, again, thank you for taking your valuable time to share your experience here so that we can learn from you.
Judith, it sounds like you had a terrible experience, and I am so sorry to hear it. I hope that you have been able to find someone helpful that you trust.
I appreciate you adding your voice here to describe what it is like to experience this frustration when you are in desperate need of mental health services.
Your words add a perspective that I am unable to provide. Although I’ve experienced no callbacks from therapists I have reached out to for my own therapy, and spoken to the Colorado crisis line personnel on a few occasions, it is not the same at all for me, and I very well know it.
You also made a very important point – all of these difficulties were true before COVID-19.
We can do better, and it is important that we do better.
Thank you for taking the time to add your thoughts here.
Hello Jim, I am so sorry to hear that you have had that experience in trying to find care for your daughter. I hope you have found someone.
I am going to add a few other ideas here in case you haven’t. I agree with Tamara to not bother trying to reach out to the same therapists again, and to reach out to your physician for the name of someone they have had a good experience with. I would add that it may help to mention who referred you in your voicemail/email.
Another idea would be to call your insurance company and ask for their help in finding someone who is available. If you do this, emphasize that you have had trouble finding someone, and that you want to be sure that the therapists they give you have availability.
If you decide to ask a trusted friend or family member, mention the person’s name on your voicemail/email as this may help to prompt a callback.
I wrote that last line and almost deleted it…it isn’t your responsibility to “take care of” the therapist and set things up to give yourself the best chance for a response. And yet, for now and while this problem exists, I left it. I want you and anyone reading this to have the best chance of success.
In reality, mentioning that “so and so” referred me to you does help your chances at getting a response, as does mentioning that you’ve made several calls to other therapists with no response.
Thank you for responding here and adding your experience for others to understand the negative impact this has.
I am a potential patient trying desperately to find a counselor and not one will return my call. While googling for ways to get a counselor to return my call, I found your article. In the “Doing What Works” section, your discussion of not returning a call having the potential to do more harm really hit home. I really wish more counselors would realize that their lack of response becomes another rejection, leaving the patient to wonder what they’ve done to deserve this rejection. And you are right, it is one of the hardest things to take the first step in calling for help. I was glad to see that at least someone was aware of this problem.
Jenna, I’m so sorry that this has been your experience.
And, thank you for taking the time to share your story here so that therapists can see and hear the impact of not returning a call.
I’m living this too. As I wrote below, I can literally feel my feelings of isolation, anxiety, fear, anger, self-disgust, etc. rising with each non-returned call and/or email. One of these therapists is someone I saw years ago and had the best relationship with of all I’ve seen, and the email and phone have not changed. So how can I not experience personal rejection? It’s a very simple fix–leave an outgoing message or auto email saying they aren’t taking clients. I can think of no other industry where simply not responding would be even on the table as an option. Shame shame shame on all of them.
Jenna, I am grateful you took the time to respond here and share your experience. I hope that by adding your voice here, it adds strength to this entire article and gets more of us in this industry to realize the impact of their choice to respond…or not. It is significant. I also hope that you’ve found someone you can trust now. Thank you.
Hi, D! I’m sorry that has been your experience.
While it’s true that therapists were trained at one time to present as “blank slates” i.e. with no preferences, no biases, and no personal views, that is no longer the case.
These days, however, we are trained to not only recognize our beliefs and biases but what to do with them when they arise with our clients; and that’s exactly why therapists need to seek consultation and therapy on occasion – to minimize our own “stuff” getting in the way of our clients’ work.
Favorite books that we find helpful are often referenced and / or recommended over and over again to clients, colleagues, and friends.
And, many therapists will not contact you by email (or texts, for that matter) due to their own concerns for client safety and confidentiality.
I have had a therapist help me figure out what I need and want and help me with that; many therapists would say the same thing . . . and have chosen to enter the field just because of those experiences.
Having said that though, I do understand that therapy is not the “only” solution to life just happening; I hope that you have found a different solution that has helped you address those things that you may have sought along the way.
Good luck on your journey!
As accurate as all of this is, and as I’m willing to give professional therapists leeway for transference and countertransference issues with new, former or current clients, this is such basic stuff that I would think first year CSW students might be insulted by the obviousness of all of this. Is it too much to call this stuff infantile? If a care worker who knows full well they have enormous impact on fragile clients let’s things like fear of rejection or anxiety keep them from following the most basic protocols of their industry (forget about complex ego issues, how about politeness?) then they have no business whatsoever in the field. I will never, ever, ever hire a therapist whom I have to cajole to respond (Covid or not) because they have revealed themselves to be narcissists (more concerned with their own discomfort than the wellbeing of others) and untrustworthy. What if I hire them and they catch some horrible disease, or their partner gets hit by a car and dies, or terrorists bomb our city? That when things are at crisis level they are most likely to disappear? They can easily leave an outgoing message and automatic email response that they aren’t taking clients. Additionally, the first paragraph of this article basically suggests (I’m sure rightly) that some of the therapists that responded to your questions are straight-up, bald-faced lying (fabricating stories about bad technology, when in this day and age you can usually call back without having heard the message.)
I’ve had these experiences in the last month (once with a former therapist and one with a new one), and am acutely aware of my feelings of isolation and anxiety sharply rising. I can use my anger to help keep me strong (I’m also quitting smoking), but I can never, ever forgive narcissism in the helping professions. Anyone displaying even a modicum of those qualities should have their license immediately revoked. Incompetent therapists go through life like a shark, leaving a trail of wreckage in their wake.
Hi, Noel! Thank you for dropping in and sharing so clearly how you have experienced therapists not returning calls to clients / potential clients.
I appreciate your voice here.
It reminds us all how significant the impact can be.
Blessings to you on your journey!
Noel, thank you for putting in the time and effort to write out your thoughts and describe your experience.
I’m really sorry you felt the pain of this experience. I think you’ve shown how harmful this is, in a much more poignant way that I ever could have. You have also given voice to many, many people with similar experiences who have that same anger, anxiety, sense of rejection, and all that you described.
I feel strongly about this problem in our industry, and the entire purpose of the article was to promote change, even though this undeniably shouldn’t need to be said!
Tamara’s blog has a very large following of therapists and she is known for asking her colleagues to lean in to the tough questions. Sometimes individuals have to ask themselves hard questions in order to do better. I put this article out to this large audience for exactly that purpose – for therapists to reflect and ask themselves some hard questions, and if needed, make some changes to do better.
Some of the changes that are needed are easy, just as you mentioned. And bringing the roadblocks to light can help us put the changes in place. I’m grateful that you added your much-needed perspective to this conversation to help that happen.
There’s a therapist that looks like they will fit my needs perfectly, but sadly they have not responded. I am wondering how often I can attempt to make contact with this therapist? I don’t mind waiting, even if it will take months, but since I’m not getting even a simple response back from an email & voice mail I’m concerned that they aren’t getting my message. Are they purposely ignoring my attempts to contact them? If not, how often can I attempt to get their attention? Would me sending an email or calling once a week be a red flag to avoid me?
Sarah, I apologize for not seeing your post before now.
And, I do realize that you have likely resolved your dilemma by now.
But, your question is a good one and I want to take the time to respond here so that other people looking for a therapist can take note, too.
I would recommend that you reach out in any way that you can to her.
If she posts an email address or phone number, then send her a message asking her to contact you.
I would hope that you would hear back from her the same day or at least within one business day.
If not, I would not hesitate to reach out again and maybe even a third time – although I certainly hope that is not necessary.
You can, of course, reach out indefinitely, but here’s the thing.
If a therapist is not responding to your attempts in a timely manner – regardless of the reason – I would be reluctant to engage that therapist.
Her unresponsiveness . . . Whether due to technical issues, professional or personal issues says to me “not available.”
And, when I seek out support from a mental health professional, I definitely want them to be available to provide those services.
I’m so sorry that you found yourself in this situation.
It’s frustrating, confusing, and maybe even infuriating; just know . . . it is not ever going to be about you . . . That a therapist is unresponsive. Ever.
As a potential client who is not getting calls back, I can tell you I feel discouraged and rejected. This is the first time in my life I’ve ever reached out for counseling. But now I’ve given up on trying to find a therapist. It just reinforces my feelings of apathy.
Ohhh, Penny! I’m so sorry to hear this.
And, I apologize for not seeing your message here when you wrote it.
If you would like to reach out to me privately, I would be happy to try to assist you in finding a professional to work with you.
And, whether you reach out to me or not, I hope you will reconsider and reach out to one of the many good therapists who are out there who are eager to support you.
Love this quote. Great read!
“Recognizing your own power and privilege is extremely important to uncovering and identifying your biases (about anything).
If you struggle to admit that you have biases, then you most likely aren’t able to recognize your own power and privilege.”
Thanks, Doc, for showing up here and keeping it real! I appreciate the work you do.
I read your blog, I rarely comment on anything .This is very sad therapist do not call possible new clients back, it’s almost shameful , is it losing 15 minutes of a free conversation? That’s what you are in the field to help others. Maybe switching professions would be best , if there is “ anxiety “ I emailed one and left voice mails with two others . I have been in therapy, my therapist just got married and relocated . People in this profession must make a lot of money and honestly do not want to help people that really need a therapist
Hi, Rhonda! I’m really sorry that this has been your experience and as you can see . . . you are not alone. And, I do love your heart! I do understand the appearance the profession being high income but the truth is that as a rule high fees do not translate to high income for therapists. Solo practitioners have extremely high costs in order to provide services to clients. And, that’s something that came as quite a shock to most of us.
Wishing you all the best as you begin with a new therapist! That’s always a challenge to find the right “fit,” I know!
It’s annoying and confusing. Sunday night I reached out to a therapist in my area (there aren’t many unless I want to drive an hour and a half each way) on PsychologyToday, laid out what I’m dealing with, explained that I do have insurance (that her profile says she accepts), sent that off. As per the site’s suggestion, I reached out Monday morning by phone, in case the email got lost. I like to think there was nothing in my message that screamed “This person is trying to waste your time.” I feel like I genuinely need some help.
Not the easiest thing to do for me to pursue this; I live in an “old school” mentality area and needing/seeking Therapy is kind of viewed as a weakness to begin with and that’s been drilled into my head my whole life. “Real Men” plow through their own problems, period. Admitting weakness and pushing through that to make contact was hard for me.
Almost quitting time Tuesday, still not even a “screw you, I’m too busy to care right now” response.
I don’t mind her ignoring me. I’ve got a laundry list of people who’ve done same and she joins a long and varied list; supposed to contact me, chose not to. It’s her choice, her decision, her right…what I don’t understand is why you’d publicly advertise yourself and then not respond. Wanna be in your own little bubble with only preferred clients who have stunning insurance? Fine, do so, work the therapist community to generate referrals, but don’t advertise to the general public if you have no intention of responding to the general public.
At this point I’m very glad the random unwelcome thoughts I’m sometimes getting, that spurred me to seek assistance, are easy to push aside and drive past. I pity the person seeking help whose random unwelcome thoughts aren’t; I wish I had the budget to attend their services when they occur.
I strongly feel like some people need to realize this isn’t just play. Yeah, maybe some percentage of people are contacting just to screw with you and waste your time, but not all. Never all. If somebody’s willing to fight through their own preconceived notions to contact you, maybe give them five minutes and if they’re wasting your time, they’ve wasted only a small amount of it.
I’ve been quietly studying therapy for a few days and it’s my understanding that it’s supposed to be sometimes uncomfortable, unsettling, sometimes you’ll cry, you may even get angry. I can attest it works; I’m not even in it and I’m already experiencing the expected emotions.
I’m clinging on to hope she’s on vacay or something, but “Doesn’t care and doesn’t return contact” seems pretty endemic in the industry.
Ms Suttle, thanks for creating this site and running it. It helped answer a little bit of what’s going on so I don’t feel like it’s just me. You don’t have to respond, I’m gradually learning not to expect it, lol. 😉
Oh, WOW! I am so very sorry TJ – first that I did not see your message until just now and secondly, that this has been your experience!
I cannot imagine how difficult this must be – especially when it has happened over and over again to you or anyone else!
But, mostly, I want to thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience here . . . now . . . so clearly!
This blog is targeted to professionals – mainly newer professionals in the field of mental health.
They need to hear and understand how their clients and potential clients think and feel and what their lived experiences are.
You have taken a significant chunk out of your day to share all of that . . . clearly, professionally, and thoughtfully.
My hope is that as other professionals show up here and read this, they understand better the ramifications of their choices – intended or not – and will better serve their clients.
TJ, when I was first entering the field, one of my mentors introduced me to the works of Pia Mellody, a therapist who worked primarily with trauma and addictions.
From training with Pia and then reading some of her work, I learned that 100% of the time our thoughts, feelings, choices, and behaviors are always about our own histories – and no one else’s.
I tell you that not to excuse or minimize a therapist not returning your calls or anyone else ghosting you or “not choosing you” in any way; instead, I am tell you this to encourage you consider that perhaps a different therapist is who you really deserve.
What I know is that you never deserved to to not have a phone call returned from a therapist you had reached out to.
I am truly sorry that happened to you and so many others.
If she “doesn’t care” or doesn’t return calls, then I know you deserve better – regardless of the cause.
You deserved better.
Again, I apologize for the delay in responding here; you didn’t deserve that either.
What you do deserve from me and from every other therapist who drops in here and reads your story is a heartfelt “Thank you” for saying all of this.
TJ, I hope you will drop back in here again to chat when you have time.
And, I hope by now you have made a connection with the right therapist to work with.
After all, I believe we all deserve a great therapist!