9 Things To Consider Before You Decide To Do Therapy In Your Church

Carla read my post here and wrote in asking:

What do you do when as a result of finding out that you are a counselor, your church now wants you to provide counseling services to members of the congregation? Or the fact that you have taught classes at ministry events, and as a result some of the participants want to come see you?”

“Nice, Small Church” by Speediakal

How flattering!  But, here are 9 things that I consider before deciding whether or not to see members of my own church . . . .

1. Size matters.  I have found that it is difficult to be active in a church whose congregation numbers only 200 and still maintain my privacy.  That, in turn, colors my professional relationship with my client.  He knows more about me (and I know more him) than is always best.  If, on the other hand, my congregation numbers 1000, then it may be relatively easy for me to maintain my privacy and to minimize personal interactions outside of the counseling office.
2. I consider how I will handle it if I discover that my client is sexually or romantically involved with one of the leaders in my church (who happens to be married).  As far fetched as that may sound to you, it is not all that uncommon and it may very well change how you feel about your church home.  It did for me.  And, that’s before my client AND my church leader both wanted to vent to me, wanted me to choose sides, and then wanted me to publicly condone their behaviors to others!
3. I also consider how my own unforeseen weaknesses / foibles in my personal or church life (challenges in relationships, lapses in judgement, my own spiritual practices, etc.) might negatively impact my relationship with my client . . . .  Unanticipated exposure of those things can actually color what happens in my church and with my client.
4. I also consider the possibility that my partner / spouse / friend / child / sibling / parent may want to befriend my client.  That’s a mess in and of itself! And, what will I do if I believe (from my  clinical work) that the relationships with my client might not be good for my loved one?
5. I’ve had clients catch me before I could dash off from church services to “catch me up” on the latest chapter of their weekend disaster.  Do I want to do therapy in the parking lot?  Do I want to act disinterested?  Or, do I want to dread seeing that client every time I enter the church door?
6. I also have to consider if / how I am going to interact with my clients when I see them.  Am I going to speak to my clients when I see them at church?  Am I going to ignore them?  What if my new client sits down beside me on the pew?  Wants to hug me?  Asks me to take communion with her — or just “conveniently” times it so that it happens that way?
7. What if I sign up for a church dinner club and get assigned to the one that my client attends?  Am I going to explain to the host why I had to leave abruptly when my client showed up?  Am I just going to let the host think I’ve lost my mind?  (Yep, that’s exactly what I did as I ran out the back door.)
8. What if I agree to host a Bible study and my client shows up . . . or his wife . . . or someone who eventually becomes his spouse?  Am I really going to ask my client to leave because there’s a dual relationship if he stays?
9. Sometimes clients can be possessive of their therapists (and you won’t always know this ahead of time).  I’ve had Client A  show up “hurt” or mad at his therapy appointment because he had seen me talking to someone else at church.

OK, so I could go on and on . . . . My point is this . . . .  While much of this can make for great grist for the clinical work that you do with a client, do you really REALLY want to contaminate your personal life (and the lives of your loved ones), your spiritual home, and your professional life with this stuff?  Just think about it and, if you do, consult, consult, consult.

Can you think of other questions / situations / concerns to consider before jumping in to provide therapy within your own religious community?