She watches, like a puppy
waiting for affection or a treat.

She watches—yet rarely
is there a gentle touch,
or loving eyes.

Instead, his eyes
are gunmetal.
His words are razors.

You’re getting fat.
What do you do all day?
You parent like your mother.
Where did you get that outfit?
You forgot to get my cleaning again.
It’s beyond me how you got a degree.
Your friends say they don’t like you.
You missed a spot when you vacuumed.
You forgot to use heavy starch on my shirts. Again.
You get an allowance because you can’t handle money.
All I ask is that you do what I ask.
You can’t do anything right.

She watches. And he turns, as though
she is a curl
of dog shit that one
would dispatch into sand
with a quick kick of his Nike.

He never touches her. With his fists.”

This poem was written by Marlene Jezierski. She has written an entire e-book, Beyond the Mirror, that you can download for free.

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.”

~ Excerpt from the poem Children Learn What They Live by the late Dorothy Law Nolte

Patricia Evans provides a terrific list (below) of what the characteristics of verbal abuse are in her terrific book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond.  Take a minute to look over this list and see if you recognize these characteristics of verbal abuse in your own relationships.

• Verbal abuse hurts.
• Verbal abuse targets the abilities and nature of the partner.
• Verbal abuse may be overt.
• Verbal abuse may be covert.
• Verbal abuse may be cloaked in sincerity or concern.
• Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling.
• Verbal abuse is often stealthy.
• Verbal abuse is unpredictable.
• Verbal abuse is the real problem in the relationship (rather than what you are arguing about).
• Verbal abuse carries multiple messages.

Regardless of what you call it or how it appears, verbal abuse is always about power and control.