Several of my clients are really struggling right now with mean, nasty, toxic self-talk so I’m re-reading a book that has been on my bookshelf for almost twenty years.  It’s called Embracing Your Inner Critic: Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset by Hal and Sidra Stone.  Here’s just a few of the really valuable nuggets that I’ve gleaned from this book . . . .

• “. . . the Critic can become our ally once we learn to recognize it and to handle it.  However, as long as we are unconscious of it, we must constantly appease it.” [That's the trick, isn't it? - to remain conscious and aware when your Inner Critic is in charge.]

• “. . . the Inner Critic . . . is the one voice in us that is able to stop our personal growth entirely, or at least to stunt it severely. It blocks our ability to live a creative life.” [Can you list the ways that your life has been limited or all together put on hold because of your Inner Critic?]

• “The stronger the Inner Critic, the stronger the judgmental voices that have been around the person in the growing-up process. The stronger the judgmental voices around us in the growing-up process, the stronger will be the Inner Critic.” [Who were the judgmental voices during your growing-up process?  The critics, the rule makers, the perfectionists, the standard bearers, and the shaming ones?]

• “The Inner Critic, as you may have noticed, is constantly looking at others to figure out who you should be.  There is no deep introversion here, no looking within to find out what is important to you as an individual human being.  The Critic’s bottom-line concern is the impression that you will make upon others.” [It's the mindset of "What will other people think?"]

• “One of the first things to appreciate about the Inner Critic is that it is by nature wholistic.  It criticizes everything about us with equal enthusiasm.” [Can you think of anything that your Inner Critic will not attack or undermine?]

• “. . . the Critic is schooled in debate.  It can take any side of any question, and often you will hear it take both sides of the same question with the same person.  One of the greatest challenges in learning to deal with the Inner Critic is to begin to recognize that the content of what is being said is not important.  It is the energy behind it that is central to our understanding.” [And, when we fail to recognize this truth, we only strengthen our Inner Critics.]

• “The Critic models itself on the outer authorities . . . . If your parents abuse you, your Critic will abuse you in a similar fashion.” [Does your Inner Critic sound / feel familiar?]

• “When you are unable to separate from an abusive Inner Critic, you are kept in victim status. . . . You cannot protect yourself. . . . As a victim, you will draw abusers to you, and you will accept their abuse.” [Now might be a good time to list the ways that you have been victimized  to help you recognize the many abusers that you have had.]

There’s more . . . a LOT more in this tiny little book.  But this is enough to get you started on dismantling your Inner Critic today!

So I’ve given you some time to identify the garbage in your head.  I’ve showed you how to create a sticky affirmation.  And, I’ve asked you to consider how your life might change if you choose to empty some of that garbage that you’ve been carrying around with you.  If you’re still with me in this conversation, then today is the day that I show you how to empty that garbage in your head.

5 Steps to Emptying The Garbage (in Your Head)

Step 1 - Make the commitment to do this for a minimum of 30 consecutive days.  That means that if you miss a day, you need to begin again including making the commitment to do this exercise for a minimum of 30 consecutive days.

Step 2 – In your journal, divide a page in half by drawing a vertical line down the center of the page. The left side of the page is going to be for your sticky affirmation i.e. that positive self talk that you want to become a natural and effortless part of your thinking.  The right side of the page is going to be for all the garbage in your head i.e. the negative self talk that you want to learn from and get rid of.

Step 3 – On the left side of the page, write out your newly crafted sticky affirmation.  (If you don’t know how to create a sticky affirmation, look here.)

Step 4 – On the right side of the page, you are going to list just one complete sentence that reflects the first garbage thought that immediately trails behind that sticky affirmation.

Here’s an example of what Steps 3 and 4 might look like . . . .

(Affirmation on left side of page)
I feel love and gratitude for my body just as it is.

(Garbage on the right side of the page)
No, I don’t feel love and gratitude for my body.

Step 5 – Continue to repeat Steps 3 and 4 until you can write your sticky affirmation without any garbage thought coming up in your mind. Always remember to write out your full sticky affirmation (again) each time.

Here is what’s going on while you are doing this exercise.    Remember, your affirmation is that thought that you are wanting your brain to get use to and adopt. You are retraining your brain and creating new and stronger neural pathways through writing and repetition.

By writing out your garbage thoughts, you are literally exhausting your brain and dumping onto paper all of the negative thoughts that get in the way of you believing your sticky affirmation.

It’s important that you do this exercise all in one sitting rather than spreading it out over the course of a day.  In the beginning, your writing is likely to be lengthy and the garbage will be ugly.   However, over the course of 30 consecutive days, it is also likely that you will begin to notice that there is less garbage and that the garbage you become aware of will be less stinky; consequently, the quantity of writing and the length of time it takes to empty your garbage will shorten as well.

Remember . . . it’s 30 consecutive days of emptying all the garbage in response to one sticky affirmation . . . .  That’s how it works.  Are you ready to make the commitment ? Let me know how it goes!  I’ll be happy to support you on your journey!

If you remember the TV show, Saturday Night Live, then you probably remember the segment of the show, Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley. Stuart was played by actor  Al Franken and was best know for his affirmation “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.”

The show was a hoot . . . especially for those of us that are familiar with 12 Step Programs and the use of affirmations.  However, it’s portrayal of affirmations did little to perpetuate the effective use of affirmations to change your thinking.

Research shows that if you can work with a well-crafted affirmation for 30 consecutive days, your thinking actually begins to change.  Are you willing to give it a try?  Before you say “yes,” take some time to think about what is likely to change if you get rid of that one garbage thought and replace it with that one sticky affirmation . . . .What really changes for you and how will your life be different?”

If you’ve been reading my recent posts, it’s likely that you’ve been collecting the garbage (in your head) and creating your own sticky affirmation. On Thursday, I’ll show you how to put that little chunk of supportive self talk to work . . . .

Now that I’ve told you about my Nice Notes, Affirmations, and Love Letters file, I’ve started to notice other folks’ similar efforts!  Here’s Therese J. Borchard’s Video: My Self Esteem File.

Take a look at this if you are interested in starting your own collection of positive words about you.  Then drop me a note below to tell me how your file is working for you.

Have you tried to work with affirmations in the past?

Have your affirmations been boring and forgettable?

Have your affirmations been too long and clunky to remember?

If your affirmation is sticky, it will be easy to remember. And, that’s important because you will need to work with it on a daily basis.  Here are some tips to help you create a sticky affirmation.

• On Monday, I asked you to take the time to do a brain dump of all the garbage in your head i.e. the negative self talk that you engage in. If you haven’t already done that, then do it now.  Make a list of all the garbage in your head that holds you back from being the woman / man you want to be.
• Pick just one harmful sentence i.e. just one piece of garbage at a time to work on.  By focusing your work on just one affirmation, you will heighten your awareness of this issue and reinforce your intention to change your self talk to something more desirable.  Once you decide which sliver of negative self talk that you want to change first, you are ready to create your sticky affirmation!
• Affirmations need to be personal. By using “I statements” to begin your affirmation, you are guaranteed to focus on you.  Instead of saying “Everything is going to be OK,” say “I have peace and calm surrounding me right now.”
• Action words are what keep an affirmation interesting. And, keeping them interesting and lively is one of the things that keeps them sticky and memorable!  Instead of saying “I look for choices,” say “I see and embrace the possibilities.”
• State your affirmation as if it is true right now. By stating your affirmation in the present tense, you are focusing your intention and increasing the power behind your words.  Never use past or future focused statements. Avoid using words like “can,” “will,” “should,” and “could.”   Instead of saying, “I will have financial security in my life,” say “I have all that I need right now.”
• Keep it positive. Instead of saying “I don’t deserve  to be talked to in a rude manner,” say “I deserve respect and love in my life.”
• An affirmation should be just one short sentence. It will be easier to remember, easier to write, and easier to recite.

A sticky affirmation is easy to remember, easy to hang on to, and most important of all, a sticky affirmation can change your life!

If you are currently working with an affirmation that you have created, why not leave a comment below to let us know what it is and how this post fits with your experience.

On Monday, I’ll be showing you how to use your newly crafted (or revised) sticky affirmation.