She watches, like a puppy
waiting for affection or a treat.

She watches—yet rarely
is there a gentle touch,
or loving eyes.

Instead, his eyes
are gunmetal.
His words are razors.

You’re getting fat.
What do you do all day?
You parent like your mother.
Where did you get that outfit?
You forgot to get my cleaning again.
It’s beyond me how you got a degree.
Your friends say they don’t like you.
You missed a spot when you vacuumed.
You forgot to use heavy starch on my shirts. Again.
You get an allowance because you can’t handle money.
All I ask is that you do what I ask.
You can’t do anything right.

She watches. And he turns, as though
she is a curl
of dog shit that one
would dispatch into sand
with a quick kick of his Nike.

He never touches her. With his fists.”

This poem was written by Marlene Jezierski. She has written an entire e-book, Beyond the Mirror, that you can download for free.

Today I was reading a blog post in Under the Microscope.  It was a report card for teachers and it got me to thinking . . . .  Where are our report cards for psychotherapists?

Many of us have had or do have professional relationships with psychotherapists . . . . amazing ones, horrendous ones, and all the grays in between.  Take a moment and think about it . . . . What was really helpful?  What got in the way?  What worked and what didn’t?  What made your therapist really special or what made her especially bad?

If you’ve  had a memorable experience with a psychotherapist and don’t mind sharing your story, perhaps the rest of us in the mental health professions can learn from your experience.

You may note your story below in the comments or email me back channel at Tamara at TamaraSuttle dot com.  Either way, I’ll be happy to collect them and re-post the results once I’ve gathered the results!

If you are soon-to-be married . . . or are newly married . . .  or you are expecting a baby, you will want to take special note of John Medina’s post in his blog, Brain Rules, entitled Marriage Intervention.  In this post, John notes the research of John Gottman and Alyson Shapiro which indicates that if expectant couples are taught effective strategies for handling conflict (whether conflict was present in the marriages or not), their children’s nervous systems actually develop differently and in positive ways.

By stabilizing the parents, Gottman and Shapiro were able to change not only the marriage; they also were able to change the child.”

This is exciting new research!  Check out the entire post and then drop back in here to share your thoughts.

Last week I stumbled across Tamarisk Saunders-Davies’ blog, Two Chairs Counselling.  Tamarisk is a counselor in private practice in London, United Kingdom.  One of her posts, How to Unpack Your Relationship Baggage, is chocked full of useful information.  Take a look at it and let me know how you are doing at unpacking your relationship  baggage.

[And, if you are needing any help from me, call 303-660-4989.]

Here are some of my favorite resources to help you strengthen your boundaries.

Broken Toys Broken Dreams: Understanding & Healing Boundaries, Codependence, Compulsion & Relationships
Terry Kellogg

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Melody Beattie

The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to Do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life
Patricia Love

Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives
Pia Mellody

Healing the Shame that Binds You
John Bradshaw

Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners – Understanding Covert Incest
Ken Adams, Ph.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
Patricia Evans

The Serenity Channel

The Stalking Resource Center

Verbal Abuse

If you are aware of other books, websites, or dvd’s that have helped you or your clients to strengthen their boundaries, I hope you’ll add them below.

I don’t know if anyone has ever told you this but . . . counselors have favorite clients.  I have favorite clients.  The truth is that you are one of my fabulous and favorite clients if you are:

• Resilient i.e. my client who keeps getting back up when you are knocked down;
• Interested in new ideas and open to new ways of seeing;
• Courageous – and by that I mean you are ready to face your fears;
• Willing to experiment with your life, try new things, and take new risks;
• Able and willing to adapt the things we talk about to make them fit for you and your situation (rather than simply dismiss what you hear);
• Involved in projects and work that benefits others;
• Value-oriented and recognize that your relationships with others and with me are valuable;
• Naturally collaborative i.e. you contribute to and focus on your opportunities and successes;
• Bright, full of light, and are easily excited about the possibilities for your life;
• Positive and naturally optimistic;
• Really clear and understand the 90 / 10 law.  (90% of my value to you will be outside of the time we spend together.)  You try the strategies that we discuss, you change them to suit your particular situations, and you report your feedback to me so that we can continue to tweak our work together;
• Enthusiastically telling other people that you know about my services and our work together.

If you aren’t my client right now but you found yourself on this list, feel free to call me when you need a counselor.  New fabulous and favorite clients are always welcome!

People come to therapy for lots of different reasons.  If you are considering working with me as your therapist, it’s likely that you fall into one of these categories:

• Perhaps you are a seeker . . . always looking for ways to stretch and grow . . . fine-tuning who you are along the way;
• You might be ready for a jump start for your creativity and intuition;
• You may be trying to untangle yourself from a really difficult situation or relationship;
• Life may be just a bit more complicated than you need it to be right now;
• Maybe you’re sick and tired of your life story;
• Perhaps, you are wanting someone to hold you accountable for the changes you are ready to make;
• Or, maybe you’re ready to create and live a new and brighter life story.

Regardless of your circumstances, if you are looking for someone to support you on your journey . . . and if you think I might be able to help, I hope you’ll call me.  We can talk a bit to see if we are a “good fit.”  If not, I’ll be happy to try to help you find someone other than me to accompany you on your way.