Patricia Evans provides a terrific list (below) of what the characteristics of verbal abuse are in her terrific book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond.  Take a minute to look over this list and see if you recognize these characteristics of verbal abuse in your own relationships.

• Verbal abuse hurts.
• Verbal abuse targets the abilities and nature of the partner.
• Verbal abuse may be overt.
• Verbal abuse may be covert.
• Verbal abuse may be cloaked in sincerity or concern.
• Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling.
• Verbal abuse is often stealthy.
• Verbal abuse is unpredictable.
• Verbal abuse is the real problem in the relationship (rather than what you are arguing about).
• Verbal abuse carries multiple messages.

Regardless of what you call it or how it appears, verbal abuse is always about power and control.