If you are in a violent relationship, maybe I can help.
Ask me how. Call me. 303-660-4989

If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.”

~ Excerpt from the poem Children Learn What They Live by the late Dorothy Law Nolte

Patricia Evans provides a terrific list (below) of what the characteristics of verbal abuse are in her terrific book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond.  Take a minute to look over this list and see if you recognize these characteristics of verbal abuse in your own relationships.

• Verbal abuse hurts.
• Verbal abuse targets the abilities and nature of the partner.
• Verbal abuse may be overt.
• Verbal abuse may be covert.
• Verbal abuse may be cloaked in sincerity or concern.
• Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling.
• Verbal abuse is often stealthy.
• Verbal abuse is unpredictable.
• Verbal abuse is the real problem in the relationship (rather than what you are arguing about).
• Verbal abuse carries multiple messages.

Regardless of what you call it or how it appears, verbal abuse is always about power and control.

Here are some of my favorite resources to help you strengthen your boundaries.

Broken Toys Broken Dreams: Understanding & Healing Boundaries, Codependence, Compulsion & Relationships
Terry Kellogg

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself
Melody Beattie

The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
Harriet Goldhor Lerner, Ph.D.

The Emotional Incest Syndrome: What to Do When a Parent’s Love Rules Your Life
Patricia Love

Facing Codependence: What It Is, Where It Comes from, How It Sabotages Our Lives
Pia Mellody

Healing the Shame that Binds You
John Bradshaw

Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners – Understanding Covert Incest
Ken Adams, Ph.

The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
Patricia Evans

The Serenity Channel

The Stalking Resource Center

Verbal Abuse

If you are aware of other books, websites, or dvd’s that have helped you or your clients to strengthen their boundaries, I hope you’ll add them below.