On Monday, September 20, 2010, Broncos’ wide receiver, Kenny McKinley, was found dead in his home.  The cause was quickly ruled suicide.  Today, Woody Paige, wrote a very personal article in the Denver Post urging survivors to not ask “why”; instead he stressed that we should ask “what can we do to prevent these deaths?”

The statistics on suicide are staggering here in Colorado.

• In 2007, more Coloradans died by suicide  – 805 – than by automobile accidents  or from illnesses like pneumonia, diabetes, and breast cancer.
• According to the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment and Centers for Disease Control, Colorado ranks 6th in the United States (behind Alaska, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, and Wyoming) for completed suicides.
• The U.S. Public Health Service estimates that there are 12, 800 suicide attempts each year in Colorado.
• Only 1/4 of those suicide attempts result in hospitalization.
• The Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment states that the largest number of suicide deaths – roughly 1/3 per year – occur among men ages 35 to 54.
• By contrast, women in the same age group account for 10% of all suicide deaths each year.

If you or someone you know is thinking about end a life, there is help for you.  Call me. Call another licensed mental health professional before it’s too late.

If you are in a violent relationship, maybe I can help.
Ask me how. Call me. 303-660-4989

Elaine Aaron has published an article online in the Huffington Post on How to Find a Good Therapist. In it she offers tips and cautionary notes that you should consider before engaging the services of a mental health professional including:

• Make sure your therapist is licensed;
• Ask about their formal training;
• Check out more than one professional before deciding who to work with;
• Discuss fees and any concerns that you have about money up front;
• Don’t work with a therapist who is also working with your best friend or a member of your family.

If you have already started working with a mental health professional, what suggestions can you add to this list to help others find a good “fit” with their therapist?

And, if you are looking for a mental health professional in the states of Texas or Colorado, I would be happy to talk with you to see if I am the therapist that you are looking for to help you start to make some changes in your life!

She watches, like a puppy
waiting for affection or a treat.

She watches—yet rarely
is there a gentle touch,
or loving eyes.

Instead, his eyes
are gunmetal.
His words are razors.

You’re getting fat.
What do you do all day?
You parent like your mother.
Where did you get that outfit?
You forgot to get my cleaning again.
It’s beyond me how you got a degree.
Your friends say they don’t like you.
You missed a spot when you vacuumed.
You forgot to use heavy starch on my shirts. Again.
You get an allowance because you can’t handle money.
All I ask is that you do what I ask.
You can’t do anything right.

She watches. And he turns, as though
she is a curl
of dog shit that one
would dispatch into sand
with a quick kick of his Nike.

He never touches her. With his fists.”

This poem was written by Marlene Jezierski. She has written an entire e-book, Beyond the Mirror, that you can download for free.

Physical abuse occurs any time a deliberate action results in the violation of your physical integrity.  By definition, physical abuse injures or endangers you.

Take a look at the list of physical boundary violations below to begin to identify your own relationship with physical abuse.

• hitting,
• slapping,
• excess spanking,
• kicking,
• biting,
• pushing,
• shoving,
• pinching,
• choking,
• shaking,
• twisting,
• use of objects in hitting:  branches, paddles, boards, belts, saplings, whips, straps, etc.
• knocks on the head,
• excess squeezing,
• being physically restrained, tied up and tortured,
• burns with cigarettes, matches, stove and fires,
• threatened with violence and hitting,
• tossed around,
• lack of space,
• lack of privacy,
• no rights to property,
• constant mussing,
• hair tossing and pulling,
• excess tickling,
• deprivation of food, shelter, clothing and warmth,
• being physically tested beyond your abilities,
• being pushed too hard physically with work,
• not being protected from:
  • sibling abuse (older, younger, or same age),
  • being beaten in school by bullies or teachers,
  • excessive housework,
• lack of personal hygiene modeled and taught,
• lack of nutritional support and information,
• touch deprivation,
• under or over feeding,
• excessive scrubbing and abrasion of hands and ears
• being exposed to unsanitary living conditions, rats, roaches, dirt, insects, plumbing that doesn’t work, odors, etc.,
• lack of dental and medical care,
• clothing that is improperly fitted, inappropriate, dirty, or worn out,
• lack of information about body,
• being teased about body,
• not having one’s physical appearance or body affirmed,
• excess emphasis on external appearance, clothing, hygiene, hand washing, nutrition or diet, body functions, body growth or development,
• being shamed or teased about body functions or formation,
• physical punishment by relatives, ministers, strangers,
• being kidnapped,
• constant moving or re-locations,
• being in close proximity to nicotine smoke,
• being locked in house, rooms, or closets,
• not being protected from someone else’s rage, anger, temper, hitting walls, thrashing, or destruction of property,
• not being protected from one’s own rage,
• not being taken care of when sick or ill nor supported when sick,
• not having regular medical and dental checkups,
• people or things that we become attached to being destroyed or removed from our lives,
• not being allowed
  • to have pets, friends, and things to be attached to,
  • stay in one place,
  • have a sense of community,
  • opportunities in sports, academics, and art,
• overexposed to the elements,
• pushed into violent sports,
• no sense of ownership or learning about property, money, spending and the cost of things,
• physical abuse of parents,
• witnessing violence,
• living through earthquakes, tornadoes, storms, wars, excess crime, and
• not being allowed to have feelings, to talk about physical pain or abuse, or not being protected.

If your life is or has been affected by physical abuse and you would like help exploring your options, let’s talk.  You can reach me at 303-660-4989.

[This information was taken from Broken Toys Broken Dreams:  Understanding & Healing Boundaries, Codependence, Compulsion, & Family Relationships by Terry Kellogg]