Faith begins,

if it begins at all,

where knowledge leaves off.”

~Gregg Levoy, author

The Age of Miracles: Embracing the New Midlife
Marianne Williamson

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends
Bruce Fisher

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
Stephen Covey

Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes
William Bridges

The Way of Transition: Embracing Life’s Most Difficult Moments
William Bridges

Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Difficult Times
Pema Chodron

• More time away,
• Less sex,
• Avoids contact and cell phone calls, and
• Starts fights and increases criticism.

He also listed 4 ways to prevent cheating include:

• Work on increasing the emotional connection,
• Spend time together on a daily basis,
• Schedule date nights, and
• Monitor friends.

What I know about cheating is that the real problem in the relationship started long before the cheating.  Cheating is just the symptom.

When a couple is in a good place i.e. when both individuals are feeling respected, engaged, and wanted, cheating can’t happen.  If you aren’t in a good place with each other, then cracks (in a relationship) happen and . . . if cracks happen, then cheating is a very real risk . . .  regardless of how much you both may love each other.

If you are in a violent relationship, maybe I can help.
Ask me how. Call me. 303-660-4989

A Time to Grieve: Meditations for Healing after the Death of a Loved One
Carol Staudacher

Afterwords
Ellen Steinbaum

Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow
Elizabeth Lesser

Gentle Closings: How to Say Goodbye to Someone You Love
Ted Menten

The Grieving Time: A Year’s Account of Recovery from Loss
Anne M. Brooks

Living When a Loved One Has Died
Rabbi Earl A. Grollman

The Second Half of Marriage: Facing the Eight Challenges of the Empty Nest Years
David and Claudia Arp

Solace: Finding Your Way through Grief and Learning to Live Again
Roberta Temes

Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life
Debbie Ford

When Someone You Love is Dying
Norma S. Upson

Working It Through: An Elisabeth Kubler-Ross Workshop on Life, Death and Transition
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, M.D.

Grief: Coping with Reminders After a Loss

If you are aware of other books / websites / blogs that can offer support for those grieving, I hope you will introduce yourself and leave them below.

She watches, like a puppy
waiting for affection or a treat.

She watches—yet rarely
is there a gentle touch,
or loving eyes.

Instead, his eyes
are gunmetal.
His words are razors.

You’re getting fat.
What do you do all day?
You parent like your mother.
Where did you get that outfit?
You forgot to get my cleaning again.
It’s beyond me how you got a degree.
Your friends say they don’t like you.
You missed a spot when you vacuumed.
You forgot to use heavy starch on my shirts. Again.
You get an allowance because you can’t handle money.
All I ask is that you do what I ask.
You can’t do anything right.

She watches. And he turns, as though
she is a curl
of dog shit that one
would dispatch into sand
with a quick kick of his Nike.

He never touches her. With his fists.”

This poem was written by Marlene Jezierski. She has written an entire e-book, Beyond the Mirror, that you can download for free.

I don’t really like separating the physical body from your spirit and mind.  However, for the sake of providing some resource to support you in caring for your body, I have done just that.  Here are some of my favorite tools to help you on your journey.

Injury: Learning to Live Again
Dorothy L. Mercer, Ph.D.

Living with Chronic Fatigue: New Strategies for Coping with and Conquering CFS
Susan Conant, Ed.D.

Mainstay: For the Well Spouse of the Chronically Ill
Maggie Strong

Prayer and Our Bodies
Flora Slosson Wuellner

The Wisdom of Menopause
Christiane Northrup, M.D.

Women’s Body’s, Women’s Wisdom
Christiane Northrup, M.D.

The Empowered Patient

I hope you’ll let me know what you think of the books and websites above and add your own favorite resources below!

1.  Frequent and Regular Practice

Intentional practices, whether spiritual or secular, are encoded in your brain most quickly when they are practiced frequently and with regularity.

2.  Stilling the Mind

Using techniques such as breathing exercises and meditation to quiet your “monkey mind,”  you are able to access a broader base of activated neural networks.  This state is what is often referred to as the surfacing of your “higher self.”

3.  Creating Self with Intent

During your practice, it is helpful to remain focused on the values and characteristics that you wish to instill or strengthen in yourself.

4.  Observing and Correcting for Internal Alignment

Transformational practices of self-creation typically include awareness of a non-judging inner state trained to observe and note your internal alignment with the values and characteristics that you wish to instill.  This state is referred to by many names including “Little Professor,” “Witness,” “Inner Guide,” or simply “your conscience.”

5.  Identifying Motivations and Feelings

Feelings tell us what we want and need.  And, memories are strongly attached to feelings.  By identifying what motivates you i.e. what you want and need, and learning to cultivate those same feelings at will,  you will be able to choose more often which feeling states you reside in and which memories you are most likely to retain.

6.  Choosing Intentional Behaviors

By intentionally choosing new behaviors in service to that higher self that you want to become, you will be expanding your repertiore of the new you.

Peggy does an terrific job of explaining some of the neuroscience involved in becoming what you practice.  I would encourage you to take the time to read her article entitled How We Become What We Practice.

And, if you are struggling with making the changes that you desire, call me at 303-660-4989 to find out how I can support you on your journey.

Take a look at the list of physical boundary violations below to begin to identify your own relationship with physical abuse.

• hitting,
• slapping,
• excess spanking,
• kicking,
• biting,
• pushing,
• shoving,
• pinching,
• choking,
• shaking,
• twisting,
• use of objects in hitting:  branches, paddles, boards, belts, saplings, whips, straps, etc.
• knocks on the head,
• excess squeezing,
• being physically restrained, tied up and tortured,
• burns with cigarettes, matches, stove and fires,
• threatened with violence and hitting,
• tossed around,
• lack of space,
• lack of privacy,
• no rights to property,
• constant mussing,
• hair tossing and pulling,
• excess tickling,
• deprivation of food, shelter, clothing and warmth,
• being physically tested beyond your abilities,
• being pushed too hard physically with work,
• not being protected from:
  • sibling abuse (older, younger, or same age),
  • being beaten in school by bullies or teachers,
  • excessive housework,
• lack of personal hygiene modeled and taught,
• lack of nutritional support and information,
• touch deprivation,
• under or over feeding,
• excessive scrubbing and abrasion of hands and ears
• being exposed to unsanitary living conditions, rats, roaches, dirt, insects, plumbing that doesn’t work, odors, etc.,
• lack of dental and medical care,
• clothing that is improperly fitted, inappropriate, dirty, or worn out,
• lack of information about body,
• being teased about body,
• not having one’s physical appearance or body affirmed,
• excess emphasis on external appearance, clothing, hygiene, hand washing, nutrition or diet, body functions, body growth or development,
• being shamed or teased about body functions or formation,
• physical punishment by relatives, ministers, strangers,
• being kidnapped,
• constant moving or re-locations,
• being in close proximity to nicotine smoke,
• being locked in house, rooms, or closets,
• not being protected from someone else’s rage, anger, temper, hitting walls, thrashing, or destruction of property,
• not being protected from one’s own rage,
• not being taken care of when sick or ill nor supported when sick,
• not having regular medical and dental checkups,
• people or things that we become attached to being destroyed or removed from our lives,
• not being allowed
  • to have pets, friends, and things to be attached to,
  • stay in one place,
  • have a sense of community,
  • opportunities in sports, academics, and art,
• overexposed to the elements,
• pushed into violent sports,
• no sense of ownership or learning about property, money, spending and the cost of things,
• physical abuse of parents,
• witnessing violence,
• living through earthquakes, tornadoes, storms, wars, excess crime, and
• not being allowed to have feelings, to talk about physical pain or abuse, or not being protected.

If your life is or has been affected by physical abuse and you would like help exploring your options, let’s talk.  You can reach me at 303-660-4989.

[This information was taken from Broken Toys Broken Dreams:  Understanding & Healing Boundaries, Codependence, Compulsion, & Family Relationships by Terry Kellogg]