Faith begins,

if it begins at all,

where knowledge leaves off.”

~Gregg Levoy, author

The Age of Miracles: Embracing the New Midlife
Marianne Williamson

Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends
Bruce Fisher

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change
Stephen Covey

Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes
William Bridges

The Way of Transition: Embracing Life’s Most Difficult Moments
William Bridges

Things Fall Apart: Heartfelt Advice for Difficult Times
Pema Chodron

If you are in a violent relationship, maybe I can help.
Ask me how. Call me. 303-660-4989

• Make sure your therapist is licensed;
• Ask about their formal training;
• Check out more than one professional before deciding who to work with;
• Discuss fees and any concerns that you have about money up front;
• Don’t work with a therapist who is also working with your best friend or a member of your family.

If you have already started working with a mental health professional, what suggestions can you add to this list to help others find a good “fit” with their therapist?

And, if you are looking for a mental health professional in the states of Texas or Colorado, I would be happy to talk with you to see if I am the therapist that you are looking for to help you start to make some changes in your life!

1.  Frequent and Regular Practice

Intentional practices, whether spiritual or secular, are encoded in your brain most quickly when they are practiced frequently and with regularity.

2.  Stilling the Mind

Using techniques such as breathing exercises and meditation to quiet your “monkey mind,”  you are able to access a broader base of activated neural networks.  This state is what is often referred to as the surfacing of your “higher self.”

3.  Creating Self with Intent

During your practice, it is helpful to remain focused on the values and characteristics that you wish to instill or strengthen in yourself.

4.  Observing and Correcting for Internal Alignment

Transformational practices of self-creation typically include awareness of a non-judging inner state trained to observe and note your internal alignment with the values and characteristics that you wish to instill.  This state is referred to by many names including “Little Professor,” “Witness,” “Inner Guide,” or simply “your conscience.”

5.  Identifying Motivations and Feelings

Feelings tell us what we want and need.  And, memories are strongly attached to feelings.  By identifying what motivates you i.e. what you want and need, and learning to cultivate those same feelings at will,  you will be able to choose more often which feeling states you reside in and which memories you are most likely to retain.

6.  Choosing Intentional Behaviors

By intentionally choosing new behaviors in service to that higher self that you want to become, you will be expanding your repertiore of the new you.

Peggy does an terrific job of explaining some of the neuroscience involved in becoming what you practice.  I would encourage you to take the time to read her article entitled How We Become What We Practice.

And, if you are struggling with making the changes that you desire, call me at 303-660-4989 to find out how I can support you on your journey.

BrainStyles: Change Your Life Without Changing Who You Are
Marlane Miller

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Ph.D

When Anger Hurts: Quieting the Storm Within
Matthew McKay, Ph.D., Peter D. Rogers, Ph.D., & Judith McKay, R.N.

The Center for Nonviolent Communication

I hope you’ll add your favorite resources for improving communication below!

By stabilizing the parents, Gottman and Shapiro were able to change not only the marriage; they also were able to change the child.”

This is exciting new research!  Check out the entire post and then drop back in here to share your thoughts.

• Verbal abuse hurts.
• Verbal abuse targets the abilities and nature of the partner.
• Verbal abuse may be overt.
• Verbal abuse may be covert.
• Verbal abuse may be cloaked in sincerity or concern.
• Verbal abuse is manipulative and controlling.
• Verbal abuse is often stealthy.
• Verbal abuse is unpredictable.
• Verbal abuse is the real problem in the relationship (rather than what you are arguing about).
• Verbal abuse carries multiple messages.

Regardless of what you call it or how it appears, verbal abuse is always about power and control.

. . . the pilgrim learns through the telling of his own tale.  ” – Sheldon Kopp

A Better Pair of Eyes

I require each of my clients to keep a journal . . . not for my benefit, but for yours.  And, more often than not, the question arises . . . “Why do I need to keep a journal?”  Grant it, it’s a reasonable enough question.  If you’ve never kept one, I can understand that you might not yet know that keeping a journal can be like  . . . having another pair of eyes . . . helping you to see clearly . . . building your courage one step at a time . . . for your eyes only . . . and only as you are ready. Keeping a journal for your personal growth can be life-altering.

Turning Points

Often we begin a journal (and then return to our journals) at turning points in our lives.  As you are beginning your work with me, I expect our work together to be one of those turning points in your life.  Your journal is a place where you can begin to lay out your private thoughts and begin to explore those sometimes shakey and uncertain neophite steps – those steps that will ultimately take you to where you wish to be.

Carving Out Time for You

By making the commitment to journal, you are guaranteed to be carving out time just for you.  Remember, favorite client, when I talked about the 90 / 10 Law in an earlier post?  90% of my benefit to you . . . and 90% of your personal growth is going to come from the time and effort you spend outside of the time you and I spend together. That means that taking time out of your oh-so-busy-day to think (and write)about your inner  life is critical to creating that life that you desire.

Agent of Change

Every behavioral scientist knows that by simply recording a behavior, that behavior is actually changed.  That means by simply having you record your internal and external experiences, emotions, thoughts, etc., you are automatically initiating change – even if you are unaware of it!  Journaling = Change!

On Monday, I’ll post a list of my favorite books and websites related to journaling.  In the meantime, let me know that you’re gathering your journal and favorite writing tools and getting ready to put pen to paper!

5 Steps to Emptying The Garbage (in Your Head)

Step 1 - Make the commitment to do this for a minimum of 30 consecutive days.  That means that if you miss a day, you need to begin again including making the commitment to do this exercise for a minimum of 30 consecutive days.

Step 2 – In your journal, divide a page in half by drawing a vertical line down the center of the page. The left side of the page is going to be for your sticky affirmation i.e. that positive self talk that you want to become a natural and effortless part of your thinking.  The right side of the page is going to be for all the garbage in your head i.e. the negative self talk that you want to learn from and get rid of.

Step 3 – On the left side of the page, write out your newly crafted sticky affirmation.  (If you don’t know how to create a sticky affirmation, look here.)

Step 4 – On the right side of the page, you are going to list just one complete sentence that reflects the first garbage thought that immediately trails behind that sticky affirmation.

Here’s an example of what Steps 3 and 4 might look like . . . .

(Affirmation on left side of page)
I feel love and gratitude for my body just as it is.

(Garbage on the right side of the page)
No, I don’t feel love and gratitude for my body.

Step 5 – Continue to repeat Steps 3 and 4 until you can write your sticky affirmation without any garbage thought coming up in your mind. Always remember to write out your full sticky affirmation (again) each time.

Here is what’s going on while you are doing this exercise.    Remember, your affirmation is that thought that you are wanting your brain to get use to and adopt. You are retraining your brain and creating new and stronger neural pathways through writing and repetition.

By writing out your garbage thoughts, you are literally exhausting your brain and dumping onto paper all of the negative thoughts that get in the way of you believing your sticky affirmation.

It’s important that you do this exercise all in one sitting rather than spreading it out over the course of a day.  In the beginning, your writing is likely to be lengthy and the garbage will be ugly.   However, over the course of 30 consecutive days, it is also likely that you will begin to notice that there is less garbage and that the garbage you become aware of will be less stinky; consequently, the quantity of writing and the length of time it takes to empty your garbage will shorten as well.

Remember . . . it’s 30 consecutive days of emptying all the garbage in response to one sticky affirmation . . . .  That’s how it works.  Are you ready to make the commitment ? Let me know how it goes!  I’ll be happy to support you on your journey!