Several of my clients are really struggling right now with mean, nasty, toxic self-talk so I’m re-reading a book that has been on my bookshelf for almost twenty years. It’s called Embracing Your Inner Critic: Turning Self-Criticism into a Creative Asset by Hal and Sidra Stone. Here’s just a few of the really valuable nuggets that I’ve gleaned from this book . . . .
- “. . . the Critic
can become our ally once we learn to recognize it and to handle it. However, as long as we are unconscious of it, we must constantly appease it.” [That's the trick, isn't it? - to remain conscious and aware when your Inner Critic is in charge.]
- “. . . the Inner Critic . . . is the one voice in us that is able to stop our personal growth entirely, or at least to stunt it severely. It blocks our ability to live a creative life.” [Can you list the ways that your life has been limited or all together put on hold because of your Inner Critic?]
- “The stronger the Inner Critic, the stronger the judgmental voices that have been around the person in the growing-up process. The stronger the judgmental voices around us in the growing-up process, the stronger will be the Inner Critic.” [Who were the judgmental voices during your growing-up process? The critics, the rule makers, the perfectionists, the standard bearers, and the shaming ones?]
- “The Inner Critic, as you may have noticed, is constantly looking at others to figure out who you should be. There is no deep introversion here, no looking within to find out what is important to you as an individual human being. The Critic’s bottom-line concern is the impression that you will make upon others.” [It's the mindset of "What will other people think?"]
- “One of the first things to appreciate about the Inner Critic is that it is by nature wholistic. It criticizes everything about us with equal enthusiasm.” [Can you think of anything that your Inner Critic will not attack or undermine?]
- “. . . the Critic is schooled in debate. It can take any side of any question, and often you will hear it take both sides of the same question with the same person. One of the greatest challenges in learning to deal with the Inner Critic is to begin to recognize that the content of what is being said is not important. It is the energy behind it that is central to our understanding.” [And, when we fail to recognize this truth, we only strengthen our Inner Critics.]
- “The Critic models itself on the outer authorities . . . . If your parents abuse you, your Critic will abuse you in a similar fashion.” [Does your Inner Critic sound / feel familiar?]
- “When you are unable to separate from an abusive Inner Critic, you are kept in victim status. . . . You cannot protect yourself. . . . As a victim, you will draw abusers to you, and you will accept their abuse.” [Now might be a good time to list the ways that you have been victimized to help you recognize the many abusers that you have had.]
There’s more . . . a LOT more in this tiny little book. But this is enough to get you started on dismantling your Inner Critic today!
