“He’s not who I want him to be” is often a recurring theme in my practice.
“He won’t change.”
“He won’t do anything with 
me.”
“He won’t talk to me.”
“He won’t go anywhere with me.”
“He won’t be nice to me.”
The list of things he is not doing to change is rather extensive. And, my clients are, of course, hurt, offended, frustrated, or angry because . . . “He won’t change.”
If you find yourself going down this path . . . and waiting . . . again for him to be the man you want him to be, it’s time to do something different.
Like what? Like remembering what Maya Angelou says . . . “When someone tells you who they are, believe them.”
Like taking a look in the mirror to honestly assess what your role is in this pattern.
Like choosing to be happy – and all that that entails – given the man that he is . . . rather than the man that you want him to be.
I know it’s a lot more difficult to take responsibility for what you believe . . . for what your part is . . . for remembering to choose happiness . . . .
It is difficult . . . but it is also the answer to creating the life you deserve.
Tags: Beliefs, Choices, Happiness, Honesty, Personal Responsibility, Relationships
Taking control of changing ourselves, staying true to our journey can be so liberating! The truth is that we cannot change others–only they can make changes–no matter how we may try. Taking responsibility for our emotions and happiness is one of the best lessons we can learn. Fun article!
So happy to have your voice here! Thanks for dropping in. That’s really a hard lesson for most of us, isn’t it?
I think sometimes we’re in danger of doing this as therapists as well. Definitely a call to step back and take a look at yourself, eh? All good points, Ms. Tamara!
Oh, Roia, that is true for all of us, isn’t it? I think that’s one of the most important things a therapist can do . . . accepting a client where s/he is. I find myself struggling with that when I have a client in an abusive relationship.